<p>Holy crap!</p>
<p>Yep, this is why I said the friend needed to call the dean of students.</p>
<p>This girl had every sign of mental illness.</p>
<p>I really think schools should stop putting mentally ill people in dorm rooms with other people.</p>
<p>I think it’s a really awful way for Betsy AND the mentally ill roommate to start college</p>
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<p>A few issues need to be kept in mind:</p>
<p>We don’t know whether the school knew about the roommate’s mental illness…or that the roommate/parents disclosed it to the school on the application or through other correspondence. And it’s unlikely the school would allow Betsy’s parents to know due to confidentiality issues surrounding student and medical records.</p>
<p>Considering the stigma surrounding mental illness in larger society* and the demonstrated angry reaction of the roommate’s mother who blamed Betsy for “ruining her D’s life”, there’s a high likelihood there was no disclosure due to the former factor along with a strong possibility of parental denial. </p>
<ul>
<li>It is such that I’ve seen many parents here and heard from some friends with mental health/learning disabilities that their advocates/attorney relative advise students/parents to be wary of disclosing mental illness issues on one’s application as it is highly likely to increase one’s chances of discriminatory treatment…including rejection. Not to mention mental illness is covered under the ADA and that disclosure could bring further liability complications for the college involved.</li>
</ul>
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<p>How would the school necessarily know beforehand that a student has such a problem that is not under control and could be a hazard to the student or others?</p>
<p>You know what? You’re right. </p>
<p>There is no way her parents should have allowed her to live with a roommate. </p>
<p>But judging by the mothers reaction, they don’t even care and thought it was fine to send this girl to live with a complete stranger. </p>
<p>Definitely get the restraining order.</p>
<p>However, I completely agree with the suggestion that kids be given some general guidelines about what is healthy behavior and what is not. To me this girls symptoms were very clear even in her type of requests</p>
<p>Let’s not forget that it is not uncommon for a kid to seem perfectly normal in high school and experience their first psychotic break in college. While the parents are in denial now, it may be they have reason to be, if they haven’t seen this behavior before.</p>
<p>It happened in my extended family, it happened to my mother’s best friend from high school and I’ve heard of a number of cases here on CC.</p>
<p>^yes, agree</p>
<p>It’s been said already but I’ll say it again: I think it is important to tell our kids they should not attempt to deal with their friends’ mental health issues on their own. It isn’t their responsibility and they don’t have the skills necessary to be successful. They need to reach out to someone with experience and expertise. Probably someone needs to notify the parents, but they don’t have to. The appropriate person at their school can make that call.</p>
<p>I agree with what you have said and I would add that these schools absolutely need to make it clear to the kids not to try to manage the unstable roommate. </p>
<p>The message is: “work it out”</p>
<p>Even on this thread, people were talking about going up the line of RA, RD, etc. in extreme cases, the parents or kid needs to get an administration involved. </p>
<p>JMO</p>
<p>I’m wondering what would have happened if Betsey had made an appointment at the student clinic, and taken her roommate’s list of rules to discuss the situation? My sense is that if you tell most student clinics you need emergency help they will be very accommodating? At the very least, it should have let the school know the roommate needed help. I would like to think there would have been a swift response.</p>
<p>I’d bet that if Betsy had taken the list to the clinic, they would have A) told her they couldn’t discuss someone else’s mental health with her, and B) figured that the roomie’s rules might well be a response to excessive socializing in the room by Betsy, Betsy reeling in drunk in the middle of the night, etc.</p>
<p>To me, judging by other stories we’ve heard here, the roomie sounded as if she was on the autism spectrum, not mentally ill. But I am no expert.</p>
<p>The only people in a position to distinguish this situation from the more garden variety problems were the RA and the head of house, or whatever they call them there. It would appear that they need to beef up the training and communication at that point in the chain.</p>
<p>I am pretty sure if you tell the clinic you suspect another student a suicide risk, they will evaluate. It is my impression they have an obligation to do so. Am I incorrect? I don’t know what happens in Betsey’s case with the showing them the rules, but would be interested if anyone has insight?</p>
<p>My general feeling is that university mental health tends to be strained and to refer. The provider works for the school and they will have policies and procedures. So, you are going to get whatever response the school has decided on. </p>
<p>I wish I felt better about university mental health providers. But I think it really depends on the school. </p>
<p>Believe me, in the less effective departments, the professionals wish they could do more. One would think, given the more recent history of campus violence in the US, the response would be quick and effective, but I’m not convinced that’s always the case. </p>
<p>JMO</p>
<p>On the suicide risk, I agree. The problem is that the roommate had apparently not shown any signs of violence or extreme anger or suicidal behavior or threats. As far as we know.</p>
<p>I think that if Betsey had gone to a mental-health counselor and shown him or her the list of rules, the counselor would have called the housing office to resolve.</p>
<p>I have run into situations at student clinics where the “first line” is graduate students with some training. I would advise my own kid, in Betsey’s situation, that it was necessary to talk to someone beyond that level. </p>
<p>Maybe you are right, poetgrl. Dean of students is the way to go. I think we need to figure out who at the university will be obligated to swiftly follow-up when a question is raised. So we can tell our kids how to handle these situations.</p>
<p>If I were Betsey’s mom, I would have been doing the calling and sending Betsey to meet if requested. I doubt they take my word for it, but I don’t think this is a situation for teens to handle on their own during the first weeks of college.</p>
<p>JMO</p>
<p>No. I agree </p>
<p>I’m the first to want kids to get to a point where they can handle things on their own. But I sometimes think you have to be the check writer to get the fast response. Particularly in issues where safety and sanity are a concern. </p>
<p>To me, the worst part of this is that the roommate would not have snapped in a single. She simply could not live with other people in her bedroom. Her response was violent, but so avoidable. </p>
<p>Sad for all involved</p>
<p>ATTENTION BETSY/boysx3:
The roommate can be let out of the hospital without proper treatment three days after entering.
No, Im not a lawyer and dont know if that is exactly correct, but please be warned.
Also, note that since the roommate is officially an adult, depending on the federal healthcare privacy HIPAA law, her parents may not be allowed access to her or told of her condition. So they may not be helpful (well, the father may not, as we already think the mother wont be).
I implore you to find out the schools policies on this and find out from them the specific steps they want to take. Then, if you still feel it necessary, see if you can get a restraining order from the local police. Before going to them, though, be sure to gather and take documentation, from the notes, pictures of the damage, and written notes of what the school will do.</p>
<p>So far last night and today I haven’t heard from Betsy’s parents. Probably won’t hear from them til they come back home.</p>
<p>Interesting about all the mental health issues. I know that Betsy’s parents said that Betsy said the roomie was always “sulky” and that she always seemed angry. They put it down to maybe it not being her first choice school , that maybe she was attending the Big 10 school because it was in state for her, and that she had wanted to go elsewhere (this is speculation, they didn’t know for sure as it’s not a question you can just blurt out). The roomie was already moved in when Betsy and her family arrived on move in day, and was not in the room when they moved in. They did not meet roomie or her family that day, but did not think anything of it as it was assumed they were just busy doing what they needed to do.</p>
<p>We were so lucky–all three of my sons had decent roomies. Not all became best friends but all were good to live with.</p>
<p>It’s pretty scary when you have to consider that maybe the mismatched roommate is more than a bad roommate, but instead is actually a mental case. It just doesn’t seem all that unusual any more. Is mental illness just a lot more prevalent now than when our generation went to college? I just don’t remember hearing the volume of stories that we hear now.</p>
<p>People didn’t talk about this stuff as much back then. But on CC you will hear a lot of stories of parents who had the mentally ill roommate back in the day. I think it was always scary and confusing, but now with everyone sending their kids further away for school, there might be less of a safety net. </p>
<p>Also, there are more protections for the mentally ill, which is a good thing, in general, but might be leading to more roommate situations. </p>
<p>We need to find a balance between the right to privacy and the right to safety. I don’t think we are there yet. </p>
<p>Good luck to your friend!</p>
<p>Is mental illness just a lot more prevalent now than when our generation went to college? I just don’t remember hearing the volume of stories that we hear now.</p>
<p>We didn’t have the internet, social media and cell phones when our generation went to college. This same kind of stuff happened, it just didn’t get around nearly as quickly and easily as it does now.</p>