<p>"Wellll. Various ideas. Most of the “rules” seem a bit much but doable except the light thing. I would simply say to the RM “Deal with it! I need to turn on the light.”</p>
<p>The rules are NOT doable. Just tell the roomate to chill out, you will do whatever you want to do IN YOU OWN ROOM, so long as it is in accordance with the university residents halls policies.</p>
<p>Be clear that her roomate is not to even mention any rules she wishes to impose on others - EVER!</p>
<p>I’ll change earlier advice and say don’t call the parents back. The real need is to put roomie’s parents on notice, and that can be done by the Dean of Students or some other official entity.</p>
<p>The COLLEGE should reimburse Betsy for her destroyed property. They are her landlord; they put the person who committed criminal acts into Betsy’s room; Betsy has no legal relationship with RM. If they want to then seek reimbursement from the RM/family, fine. If this college’s legal counsel has any sense, they’ll immediately make the reimbursement and guarantee Betsy a single for the rest of the semester, or move in the roommate of Betsy’s choice. This is a liability nightmare for them. They do NOT want a public lawsuit with the college’s name alleging these facts.</p>
<p>This was a criminal act, and a scary one. I would definitely get a lawyer and seek a restraining order against RM and her parents. (Betsy doesn’t need to give the mom a warning first; calling to scream at her is harassment and grounds for including her in the TRO request. It’s a bad idea to contact any member of the RM’s family on any basis.) Betsy’s parents’ lawyer should also talk to the college about <em>it</em> agreeing to ensure that the RM does not return to that dorm building or approach Betsy if RM returns to campus. I would want both layers of protection in Betsy’s position.</p>
<p>Agree with photographing everything, with time and date stamps. Don’t throw away any of the damaged property.</p>
<p>Wow! What a crazy situation. I hope Betsy can either stay in the room as a single or have a friend move in as a roommate. I do think Betsy and her parents should schefule a meeting with the head of Residence Life or other appropriate person to review the entire situation. IMO, the university should bend over backwards to accomodate Betsy after this horrible incident. They are lucky no one was injured.</p>
<p>^^ I agree. No contact with either Roommate or roommate’s parents. The RM’s mother was way out of line calling Betsy never mind screaming. It would just compound the problem is Betsy’s parents returned the call. Report the call to the campus police and RA. </p>
<p>I would demand a new room, in a new building. I would not want to remain under that RA’s charge; she showed that she couldn’t handle the situation. people can excuse her by saying she was young but that’s not the point. The point was she blew off Betsy. </p>
<p>Student Housing may say there are no free dorms, but there are. They can move Betsy as a third person into a double or find another place. In some schools, a few rooms are kept free for guests; I would check to see if there is guest housing.</p>
<p>Wow! The roommate’s mom has also demonstrated she has over-the-top craziness as well. On that note, I’ll take back my advice to contact them about compensation.</p>
<p>Instead, I’d not only document and report it to the dean and campus cops, but also the cops of the jurisdiction where that parent is calling from so some local cops can have a talk about her harassing phone calls.</p>
<p>boysx3, not to be flippant, but I do hope Betsy did/does eventually get to keep the study date with the cute guy from her Econ class. </p>
<p>Depending on Betsy’s comfort level with the rest of her dorm floor as well as with her current room, staying put in the room may be the best option. If she already has friends in nearby rooms, why move? She’s already with people who are familiar with the situation, so she won’t have to explain why she’s moving several weeks into the year. </p>
<p>boysx3 mentioned that there were some triples squished into doubles–if Betsy is simpatico with one of those girls, that’d be a win-win situation.</p>
<p>Last year my younger daughter was in a suite with 3 other young women. Unbeknownst to them, one was bipolar. If - a big if - she took her meds she was sort of ok. The roomie stopped going to therapy. Stopped her meds. One night she went off on the others - took knives from the kitchen, threatened self-harm, threatened the other 3. She ended up in the shower with a bunch of knives.
My daughter was distraught. They did talk to the RA, but tried the jr psychologist method of trying to help, making sure she took meds & went to therapy. My D reluctantly went along, but slept with her door locked (and all the knives under her bed). </p>
<p>I was livid, but there wasn’t much I could do besides threaten to go to the head of housing. The girl lasted a few weeks til the end of the quarter. Never took a final, and was kicked out of school for non-satisfactory performance. “Friends” would let her back in the dorm. Parents got her an apartment nearby - denial all around. Towards the end of winter quarter, she moved across the country. </p>
<p>We had some long talks about some issues being too big to handle. Looking back, D realizes she was very lucky nothing worse happened. </p>
<p>I think there ought to be a list of red flags given to students as well as some lessons on recognizing mental illness. </p>
<p>I hope Betsy has seen the last of roomie and her family.</p>
<p>"boysx3, not to be flippant, but I do hope Betsy did/does eventually get to keep the study date with the cute guy from her Econ class. " SlitheyT</p>
<p>YES!</p>
<p>“I think there ought to be a list of red flags given to students as well as some lessons on recognizing mental illness”</p>
<p>REALLY good idea.</p>
<p>OP- what a terrible outcome. </p>
<p>Why wouldn’t this also be a police matter? At a minimum destruction of property- but really- scissors in a mattress seems like she was threatening bodily harm. </p>
<p>I would immediately insist on a new room since she should not be in a place where the ex roomie could easily find her. Regardless of the space the college has. They have some culpability here because it was reported initially. </p>
<p>I would immediately seek a restraining order. I wonder if she could get one against the parents as well. </p>
<p>Best of luck to this student.</p>
<p>Egads. </p>
<p>Poor Betsy and her parents. Poor RM and her parents. </p>
<p>Latent (or patent as here) mental health issues should be included in those “welcome freshman” skits some of you talked about.</p>
<p>I can not read this whole thread as it brings back my nightmare of freshman year My typewriter stolen, and heavy rocks put in case My scarves and jewelry stolen. Men snuck into room all night. I woke with a football player in my twin bed; thank goodness he didn’t put moves on my body tho when I woke and tried to move, I spent that night and others on floor of other people’s rooms. My checkbook taken, and checks towards the end forged and checked My RA had been aware since 3 days when school began. when checks forged, I went to the police. Never had I felt so alone and afraid. My adviser in the Honors program did nothing, nobody helped me.</p>
<p>The rm/mt’s mom would call every day at 7 am. I stopped lying for rm/mt, and pleaded with her mom to stop waking me. My folks just encouraged me to speak to RA, who was useless.
Rm/mt got pregnant and I ended up with a single for rest of year. Did I hate my UG school? yes. Got out of there in 2 1/2 years. </p>
<p>I sincerely hope Betsy can survive her experience. From experience, I would go to local police when campus RAs and college police do nothing.</p>
<p>How incredibly awful, bookworm. It sounded like you had nobody to back you up, or help you out. That is depressing.</p>
<p>Thanks, busdriver. I got emotional reading this thread. The image of clothes slashed and scissors stuck in her bed really got to me. I would never want my child to feel so alone and vulnerable.</p>
<p>I have mentioned on a previous thread my S’s RM issues/concerns but never have I worried about the mental stability of said RM(s). I have though worried about physical violence. My S is all talk and no bite. But his RM this year is very athletic and could probably knock my S out easily.</p>
<p>After only 5 weeks of school this year, my S moved to a different dorm yesterday. It started with just a total lack of consideration and disregard for my S’s belongings (he used whatever he wanted) and food (ate whatever he wanted) and in 5 weeks has escalated to RM threatening to damage something that belonged to S. Where will it stop or would it continue to escalate to physical harm. S decided not to stick around to find out. There were other reasons that the RA and hall director were aware of. They were able to make the move happen in one day.</p>
<p>I feel like for the first time since S has lived on campus-last year and this year, he finally has a chance to have the college experience you think of and is in a good place. He is now with people who are more like him and not total opposites.</p>
<p>On a final serious note concerning Betsy-I really hope that she does not go places alone if the RM is allowed back on campus even in the day. Even if she just walks with other people so she does not look alone. AND-I hope it is agreed upon by the decision makers at the school that they are to inform Betsy if RM does return to school. She should know if she needs to be more aware. I am so sorry that this is a life lesson she has to be a part of. Wishing her to have a much better rest of the year…quickly.</p>
<p>NN, glad your son’s situation has settled down.</p>
<p>If I were Betsy, I’d file a restraining order with the police, not campus authorities.</p>
<p>I would insist on someone other than the RA to be in the room when the RM’s things are removed. It should be either someone very high up in the Housing department, and/or a campus police officer. The RA might easily be intimidated by the parents, especially in light of the RM’s mother’s phone call to Betsy.</p>
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<p>They could also evict the roommate, since there are probably conduct regulations in the dorm rental contract that the roommate would be in violation of.</p>
<p>Betsy should also report the vandalism and implied threat of violence to the police (be it is the real police, since some campus safety and security departments are not real police).</p>
<p>Wow, leave a thread for a couple of days and come back to an entirely different scenario.</p>
<p>It doesn’t matter who is there while removing room mates things. Betsey is out of there now. Pull her mattress/bedding off the bed frame and camp out on the floor of a friend’s room until her parents get there. A temporary triple (our school has tons of real ones)</p>
<p>It only matters that Betsey wait until her parents arrive, have her folks help her pack all her things and to be moved to another room, period. She is not to go back and live in that room even with a new room mate, period.</p>
<p>Her parents can spend their time checking in every couple of hours with the housing office to find out where Betsy is being moved to and help get her settled in the new room.</p>
<p>It is up to the school and that girl’s parents to deal with the room mate. Betsy is done.</p>