What does unconditional love mean to you? Does it differ for family versus close friends? Can one ‘hate the sin, but love the sinner’?
I’m not sure if it truly exists - I do my best to not have conditions on the love I share with my 3 best friends, my D & my spouse, and of course some family, but I can’t say for certain that I could ‘hate the sin, but love the sinner’ I suppose it would really depend on the ‘sin’
If you support an issue like abortion or same sex marriage and your friend didn’t, would you end the friendship?
I think that unconditional love is a goal that people can strive toward, but I don’t think that anyone actually exhibits fully at all times. I have never thought about distinguishing who I feel it towards, but I would probably say that I feel it towards my chosen family, some of which are people like my spouse and child (who I chose to have) or people who are very close and like family to me.
When discussing the sins, if, for instance, a loved one was abusive, I think it is totally appropriate (and recommended) to separate the abuser from the abused. There can be counseling and other interventions, but unconditional love does not mean that one allows the abuser to do whatever s/he wants. If interventions don’t succeed, the separation from the abuser can become permanent. That unconditional love might be continuing to suggest treatment for the person, or wishing them well, or providing a listening ear (so long as there is no verbal abuse being listened to).
Or, if a loved one committed a crime, unconditional love could be sitting with them at a trial, visiting them while they are in prison, accepting their phone calls, etc. It does not mean trying to get them out of the consequences of their actions.
If the “sin” is one that society does not agree upon (say, if a person is LGBTQ and is seeking to have a relationship that aligns with their identity), then if one’s views are such that it is a sin, then I still think that one would still hang out with the loved one, celebrate birthdays, call, etc (whatever one would normally do). I don’t think there would necessarily be a need to set the person up for dates (if that is something one would do for a heterosexual loved one), but I would say the person should continue to be treated as a loved one.
6 Likes
I do believe what I feel to my children is an unconditional love. They are the only people I would love no matter what
11 Likes
Sorry didn’t mean to reply to you. It was reply to the post
1 Like
I would not end the friendship. The friendship might not be as close, but I think it’s problematic for our country when people with differing views on such issues cannot get along. Think about all the things that the two of you do agree on or do enjoy doing together: sports, crafts, volunteering, cooking, walking, whatever. I think that it’s important for each of you to be respectful toward the others’ views (i.e. not trying to always convince them that they’re wrong, or insulting other people with similar views). If one of the topics comes up naturally, then the two of you should be able to listen respectfully and discuss your thoughts for why you believe what you do.
Although most of my friends have similar perspectives as I do, my extended family has wide-ranging views, and some of the geographically closest have some seriously opposing views from mine. But when hanging out with those people, we talk about our family members, or upcoming celebrations, or our jobs, or anything that does not have to do with those areas where we have opposing views.
If we can’t get along with our friends and family, then there is very little hope to get along with unknown citizens of our country who share different beliefs.
8 Likes
Thank you. I agree with the above, I wouldn’t end a friendship, but it might not be as close.
2 Likes
I love my sibs, even tho I sometimes find their behavior inexplicable. I love my H and kids unconditionally. I love(d) my parents unconditionally.
3 Likes
I’ll assume the question is rhetorical, and not the opening salvo of debate.
3 Likes
No friendship ending here. There is boundary drawing in relationships but I can say that it’s possible for me at least to hate the sin but still love the sinner. Especially with family. And my friends are well worth hanging onto also–not letting go easily. They might cancel me because of my views but I’m not canceling them for their views. Without communication nothing is ever solved.
I try to tread carefully on topics that may be contentious and if we find we have strong disagreements with someone I care about steer to topics of mutual interest where we align. I don’t need an echo chamber but prefer not being around people venting arguments and statements I find specious and hateful. If I can’t turn the conversation to a more neutral subject, I may physically end it and do something else.
To me, I don’t have the energy to help debunk emotional and flawed arguments that are contrary to the facts I am aware of and prefer to devote my energy elsewhere.
3 Likes
Honestly, my child is the only human I have unconditional love for. There is nothing she could do to make me stop loving her. My mother is a close second. My love for every other human, family and friends, is conditional.
5 Likes
Dogs and grandchildren are unconditional love.
I love my children but they sometimes drives me insane. Siblings also.
Friends that’s a tough one. I’ve had friends that I tolerate their faults but it’s easier to walk away from.
My ex sister in law, I thought I would always love. She’s been part of our lives for 30+ years. But the way she’s twisted the truth, lied and manipulated the situation has been eye opening. So that love has been moved into someone I will be polite to at family gatherings that we all have to be at.
I have unconditional love for my kids & grandchild. I also have it for my H & my brothers (the addict brother who stole from me made me mad, but I never stopped loving him). I had it for my parents when they were alive.
I have unconditional love for a couple very close friends. I have had many friends who have been with me through particular seasons in my life, and I have seen them come & go. I have only parted ways with one of these friends intentionally, based on differences in the way we view things … but she was not a friend with whom I felt a special closeness.
I do have people in my life that feel differently than I do about hot-button type issues. I can co-exist with them, but I admit that if they aren’t family, I probably won’t be particularly close to them. I am drawn to people who want to see the kind of world I want to see. I’m stuck with family, and I stand up for what I feel is right, but I haven’t had a situation where I felt that I needed to cut ties.
Thank you. I appreciate the feedback
Well, for me there’s unconditional love and then there’s family obligation. I’m stuck with some family members whom I would otherwise happily never speak to again. That’s not really love, not at this point. More like a clenched-jaw tolerating. 
My kids, however, are the best thing about my life.
5 Likes
Thank you. What a thoughtful post. Your explanation was actually very helpful to me this week when I’ve spent quite a bit of time with people whom I love but I don’t always like some of them. I kept your words in mind as we interacted. It turns out that the better I was at sett ing boundaries with those people, the easier it was to love them unreservedly without letting emotions like anger, guilt, frustration, disdain/fault-finding, resentment (or boredom 
) in. It was a good holiday.
4 Likes
I love my kids no matter what they do. I can’t fathom that ever changing.
I love H, but if he were unfaithful to me, that relationship would be over with no chance for repair.
I’ve continued to love my dad/sis even when they cut me out of their lives for years over really petty/crazy things (dad cut me out because I invited mom to my wedding, sis has cut me out because I wouldn’t support her getting everything from dad’s estate even though he left things for both of us and his grandkids - she didn’t want her son to get anything).
Otherwise, I see no need to end friendships. If I ended them over different social or religious beliefs I’d have very few. The various beliefs we have can/will direct conversations though - and not toward “covert them!”
I love friendships when we can discuss anything, even with opposite views, and it stays friendly, but not everyone can do that so I don’t try it with all.
The only folks I won’t have as friends (never were, so nothing got “ended”) are those with completely different likes/dislikes than I have - those whose lives revolve around sports or shopping or something. They can still be acquaintances.
1 Like
Yes. As the parent of a gay child, I have no tolerance for such ignorance.
9 Likes