Unfulfilling College Experience so Far

College Confidential Community
1

Hi guys,

I’m not sure if this is the right place to post this thread, so forgive me if I have made an error.

It is somewhat hard for me to document all of my emotions, but I will do my best.

Just for some background information: I go to a small liberal arts school in New England that is known for partying. I’m a guy. I love playing and watching sports, but did not make the tennis team as I had planned. I’m not one for parties. Nor do I have any interest in drinking. I live 90 minutes away from home so going home for some weekends is an option.

I am in my fourth week of Freshmen year. So far, my time here has been unfulfilling. My orientation was really bad. It was a loooong five days, and I’m ashamed to say I probably cried more during those five days than the last ten years of my life combined. At that point in time, I felt really bad.

Things have improved significantly since then. Unfortunately, that is not to say that I am now enjoying my time on campus. I have established a group for friends (there are 8 of us) who I spend a good amount of time with. The only problem is that I only really like 4 (myself included) of them. And even then, they still annoy me to an extent. The main issue is that I only have things in common with one of them. None, except one, has any interest in sports or any real physical activity. The others are nice enough, but I don’t find myself wanting to be around them, I find myself wanting to be around just about anyone. So I am grateful to be in a group, it’s just that this group isn’t that great. Another problem with them is that we don’t really do anything for fun. We are either eating, working, or we just sit around and hang out. That gets boring pretty fast.

I feel as though my days consist of waking up, going to class, going to the gym (which I really enjoy), eating, and doing work. There isn’t anything that I really do for fun. I enjoy the gym, but I wouldn’t say I’m having an absolute blast while I’m there. These days aren’t miserable, as I do find I’m somehow pretty busy. But when I go to bed at night I think to myself, “what did I really do today,” and it’s always the same few activities. And none of them really do it for me.

In a way I was banking on my time being occupied by the tennis team, which didn’t happen. There is no club team at my school. I looked into clubs, but I was unimpressed by the options. There aren’t unlimited options, as I was told. This is probably because it is a small school.

I think a big issue that is preventing me from meeting the types of people I want to befriend is that the people who share my interests by and large are the party types, and those who don’t party don’t enjoy the same things I do.

It’s just such a contrast from my small highshool (500 kids total) where I didn’t need to earn respect or a reputation and I had the same friends from K-12. I just miss my friends, my family, and my status. I really thought I would thrive at college.

I’m sorry to have rambled on and on, and I am grateful for any advice or sympathy you all are willing to give.

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Just some ideas: Advertise for someone with whom to play tennis, in whatever forum students advertise in your school. Take a PE tennis class and find tennis partners that way. Get involved in an intramural or club sport-- if not tennis, maybe ultimate frisbee or soccer or ping pong or something? Find out how to start a new club and see if there is interest in starting a tennis club. Since my son may want to start a tennis club if he attends a college without one, I know that you can contact USTA through tennisoncampus.com to find out how to start a club that competes against other schools.

Join other clubs that interest you, whether related to a sport or something else.

Go to a party sometimes, and talk to people, but just don’t drink.

Maybe there is too much hype around college. Colleges advertise showing everyone happy because they are seIling themselves. The crazy competitiveness of admission adds to the “this is my dream school” mentality. But college is not magically and instantly fulfilling, and many, many people feel lonely and miss home when they start.

You WILL find friends. It just is not instant. Some people stay close with their room and dorm mates from the start, but others find friends later who are a better match for them. I did!

Don’t despair. Get involved in activities on campus. Call or skype home as often as you need to, but try not to go home every weekend or you won’t have the chance to make new friends. Know that you are not alone; you may not see it, but many people around you are experiencing some of the same feelings. Allow yourself to feel them, but also create distractions for yourself to keep you busy and interacting with others, so that the negative feelings do not become overwhelming. (Counseling is an option, too, if you think that might help.)

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Sorry for the delayed response. Part of the reason for it is that my emotions come in highs and lows, which is something I forgot to mention in my original post.

There are times where I do feel very sad and lonely, and there are times where I feel great, confident, and like my old self. But most of the time I’m somewhere in the middle, in a purgatory of sorts, where I feel my days go by, and I merely exist.

I have been able to play tennis a couple times with my roommate and another friend, which is very fun. I have come to the conclusion that the missing element of my life is competition. I have never went so long without really competing. In sport, or even just in competitive game modes video games, things are more fun to me when something is on the line. But club sports don’t really fill that gap. I will have to figure something out.

I am interested in starting a tennis club, but I think I’d probably do that next year when I actually know where everything is and I just have more general experience.

I did go to the counseling center once, and had a good conversation and I was glad I went. I went back a week later, and not much had changed. I certainly wasn’t in a crisis situation, and there was not much to say that was new, so we cut off our meetings.

I will try to go to a party, probably not this weekend because my friends went out last weekend and got pretty wasted, so they want to take the weekend off. We’ll see though.

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I completely empathize with you, because I’m currently in my sophomore year and I have been very underwhelmed with my experience. I have friends but they only care about schoolwork, they never do anything else except maybe hang out and talk once every other week. My home is also very close to my college.

In my experience, I’ve found that getting involved in things that make you happy helps a lot. I joined a club dedicated to art even though I’m not in an art related major and it helps me to feel less anxious and alone. Exercise definitely helps a lot so please don’t give up on that. I recently invested in buying an ID (because my schools bar scene is very lively) although since you’re not really a drinker, I don’t know if you’d want to commit to that.

My best piece of advice would be to say “yes” as often as you can. By saying yes to the occasional party or a club’s first meeting of the semester, you’re setting yourself up to meet new people and try new things that might make the time go faster. Also, going home occasionally is not the worst idea. I go home more frequently than I’d like to admit but it truly helps my mental health because I can socialize with my family, boyfriend, and friends who actually take a break from the library.

Don’t give up on college too quickly. You have plenty of time to change the path you’re going down and I believe in you. Good luck!

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My D2 changed friend groups essentially 3 times in 4 years at her small LAC for various reasons. The friends you have now won’t necessarily be the friends you have next year, or by the time you are a senior. Just keep working on meeting people. You will meet more people in your classes, too.

A question – you didn’t make the tennis team, but do they ever need an extra player for practice? You could ask the coach.