<p>My instincts tell me that the his parents know that he is not enrolled for the current semester, especially if they are paying his tuition. He is not working so someone is paying his rent, and I would assume that someone is his mother or father. Either way, I would monitor it through your son for now. Really, if he pays the rent and is an ok guy, why does it matter what he does with his day? Could be taking a semester off and re-assessing what he wants to do with his life. Or maybe the “flimsy story” was in fact the truth.</p>
<p>Is your son complaining? If not, I would remain on the sidelines for now.</p>
<p>No, busdriver, I meant the landlord contact. If Son and Cal rented and then found Trey (and he’s not contracted with the LL,), it is their option to replace him. If Trey is on the contract as an equal or if each kid has an individual contract, the options change.</p>
<p>I’m not one saying the kid is an addict or wacko.</p>
How incredibly obnoxious that would be! “Sorry Trey, you’re violating the unwritten ambition clause in the lease and just aren’t our kind, so you have to go.” Instead, how about a conversation that starts, “Hey Trey, you seem a little down in the dumps. If you ever want to talk or if there’s anything we can do for you, please just ask. We care about you.” Given the kind of horrible roommate experiences so many people have, Son and Cal should be thanking their lucky stars that they have a roomie who is a “nice, easygoing guy”, pays the rent, doesn’t throw parties late into the night or have a succession of friends sleeping on the living room couch, isn’t stoned or drunk half the time, and isn’t a disgusting slob.</p>
<p>Fortunately the OP wasn’t the one suggesting giving Trey the boot.</p>
<p>I’ve always had friends that most people didn’t like, or friends who were completely different than me, or friends who needed more than the usual amount of understanding. How very boring to only surround yourself with people exactly like yourself. There is always something in common with another person, something interesting, something redeemable. Every now and then you just have to make an additional effort to find it.</p>
<p>*But I think her son and Cal have every right to have a roommate who fits- and to ask Trey to find other living arrangements. * </p>
<p>Yo. I didn’t start the thread, nor label the kid a gaming addict, unbalanced or pulling one over on his parents. I don’t think (and said) that OP knows enough to make more of this- despite the kid having no job, no classes and playing games. And giving her a flakey answer. I’m not advocating anyone pull the “ambition” card (OP said it certainly bothers the first two, who are go-getters.) I’d find that obnoxious, too- and superficial.</p>
<p>But, if the first two have problems with him (note the IF,) they are not necessarily beholden to him. Unless something in the lease gives him equal status in the LL’s eyes.</p>
<p>My intention was “they have the right to make a change, IF THEY WISH.” And, they may not wish. But, still, sorry for the confusion.</p>
<p>Ah, got it, lookingforward. Though even if he didn’t sign a contract with the landlord, he may have a sublease with them. And unless it’s month to month, they may be SOL if they want him gone for whatever reason. It sounds like the fact that they have the third roommate is what has enabled them to have a nicer apartment. Helps to share the cost, that’s for sure.</p>
<p>Ha, just the same thing you and I would tell our own kids. “If this doesn’t work out, consider a change.” My own feeling is the kids are probably able to decide that- whether they like him or want someone else in there. I don’t know what their lease arrangement is.<br>
I understand some here see warning signs and were responding to that; I just don’t see enough to jump there (yet.)</p>
<p>Even if it’s month to month, if they’re in a jurisdiction with laws strongly sympathetic towards tenant rights like Boston or NYC, it may actually take a lot longer than 30 days plus additional days in court before eviction. </p>
<p>Some landlord friends in Boston who tried the month-to-month found that out the hard way when encountering housing court/small claims court judges who kept giving extensions favoring the defendants…even when it was because they were caught unprepared because they didn’t take the eviction threat seriously at first…and were blatant about it.</p>
<p>All three guys are listed on the rental agreement as co-leasers, equally.
Thanks for all the input and different perspectives on the situation, it’s very enlightening.</p>
<p>I cannot edit for some reason. I meant “affect.” And I disagree that a roommate’s choices in terms of work and school are the son’s parent’s business.</p>
<p>The weather where your kid lives is your business, so are the actions of someone who has a contract with and shares a roof with your kid. It’s just life.</p>
<p>The next thing we will be seeing threads in which parents worry about their engineering major living with a French major, who is obviously a bum since he or she isn’t in engineering. :D</p>
<p>Seriously, though, OP, I understand why you think that this situation may pose problems in the future, but IMHO until it does there is no reason to treat this kid like a second-class citizen or interfere in his life.</p>
<p>“If Trey is living with your son - his life is your business.”</p>
<p>I would steer far and wide of any ADULT roommate or even an acquaintance whose parents have that attitude. How intrusive, involved, and way over the line.</p>
<p>So true! When my S moved into a shared house at age 22, I never even knew the full names of the other residents, much less their life stories–nor did I care to know.</p>
<p>“If Trey is living with your son - his life is your business.”</p>
<p>I can’t help but wonder how far this level of oversight extends-till kids are 25? 30? Married? Forever?</p>
<p>When on earth did it become ok to make it our business to insert ourselves into grown children’s lives to this extent? Rhetorical question-obviously from my readings on CC, plenty of parents have no problem “helping” full-grown adult kids with where they live, their jobs, the way they raise their own children and so on.</p>
<p>Do my older kids ask for advice? Yes, sure. Do I “make it my business” to know the finer details of their everyday lives? No. I take their lead, which is as it should be.</p>
<p>Families are different. One level of involvement would seem intrusive to one child, and another one might expect a very high level of interest. Friends of mine who have daughters often get to hear EVERYTHING about their lives. Having sons (or maybe it’s just mine in particular), I hear almost nothing unless I ask the right question. So I have to be pretty observant if I want to learn anything whatsoever. I try to follow their lead on how involved they want me to be, usually it’s very little, but every now and then they want my help.</p>
<p>Not all kids are the same. I trust parents to understand what level of involvement works for them.</p>
<p>Trey is an equal on the lease but the fact remains he dropped his classes and plays computer/video games day and night. If Trey were my child, I would be very disturbed and would certainly want to know about it. Who wouldn’t feel that way? If you’re sending your kid to school and he’s not attending, that’s a big problem. </p>
<p>Is it anybody else’s business? Of course it is, if they choose to make it so. In my experience, when in doubt … wait a bit. Oftentimes the way forward becomes clearer with more time and information. Things frequently resolve themselves.</p>
<p>As for the financial aspect, the people paying the lease have every right to look after their interests.</p>
<p>It seems to me that a casual and pleasant conversation between the guys in which they ask Trey about his plans going forward, since he isn’t attending school this semester, is warranted. What they should do at that point depends on what he says.</p>