<p>For guaranteed program of Virginia commonwealth university,
Topic: Motivation to choose science</p>
<p>Interest in Science</p>
<p>Science made its inroads. A prime show glued me to the television, intermittent a glittering case of words was presented, it precisely read science wave progressively bagged more inventions through the years, but lot more can be done. A sonorous chime rang and bright light directed opportunity must be seized, should never be atrophied, it was this group of coherent words that made a lot of sense to me, prepared my course to connect with the science wave. These moments grabbed my focused and undivided attention to dream the limits- picturesque in white lab coats, leading the team, to discover and dig out more helped as my incentive drive to assert open interest in defined terms. Following the commercial, I was preoccupied with different ideas, but the theme and the final path of every square that rambled through the wave, remained the same thing- I should unlock my potential to strap up every frame, to map out progress and be eminent in science. My science interested promoted every stride forward as I was able to better understand and communicate with it. It compelled me to spend time for learning new developments in science, and to become best acquainted with it, but the thirst never quenched, only did it grew with fervor and zeal in pursuit of excellence yet to be attained. The magic store did not run out of space to extract and accept more. This reserved chase traced me to opt for the science and hold it in the dust of clouds with priority of a guide to steer my path. Unique opportunity, science provides to develop and chase for achievement enthralled me to accept and work hard for fruit of this special appeal.</p>
<p>Any comments for this writing are appreciated and every bit would help. Pls. comment!!</p>
<p>I'm going to be very blunt. This probably the worst essay I have ever read. It looks as though you've tried to use every single difficult word you could find in a dictionary or thesaurus. You're trying to impress them, but anyone can look up random words and make it "seem" scholarly. Remember, it has to make sense. This, I'm afraid, makes absolutely no sense at all.</p>
<p>My advice: re-write it. Totally. Make it personal, not boring.</p>
<p>That essay sounds like it was written by a victim of Down's syndrome. Not one sentence makes any sense. I couldn't read one phrase without laughing inside.</p>
<p>"Unique opportunity, science provides to develop and chase for achievement enthralled me to accept and work hard for fruit of this special appeal."</p>
<p>Is "unique opportunity" an appositive? That's the most retarded apposition I've ever read, both in meaning and in structure. "Provides to develop?" What the hell does that mean? "Chase for?" You mean chase after? "Enthralled [you] to accept...?" Since when does "enthrall" accept an infinitive?</p>
<p>I have a sinking feeling that the creator of this essay will not be able to correct his or her tragic flaws of style and diction before the application deadline.</p>
<p>Okay, you asked for comments, and I really hope you're reading them. Even if you're too ashamed to reply, please understand (before it's too late) what these people are trying to say. Ditch the pompous style, and write from your heart.</p>
<p>It's not even pompous--it's, like, falied-pompous. And failed-bombastic and failed-pretentious. Nothing worse than failing at something that's despised in the first place.</p>
<p>To continue with the bluntness, it sounds like you were writing in another language, hit the translate button, and printed out the hard copy. I'm sorry, but that was a hilarious essay to read...not because it was humorous, but because I had absolutely no clue what the hell you were talking about!</p>
<p>"The magic store did not run out of space to extract and accept more. " What the hell are you talking about!!?!?!</p>
<p>If you're not very good at english, maybe just try writing something short and to the point. Even if it's not the most impressive to read, at least it will be... coherent.</p>
<p>lukejersey and truckerhat seem to be the same person to me...</p>
<p>And yeah, the diction is almost comical -- no offense. Using a thesaurus is not a bad thing, but you don't need to use it for every word just to make it "sound" more intellectual. It's best to write naturally, because you are trying to convey a sense of who you are to the reader.</p>