<p>Since you know she wont be returning to this school, why not withdraw. You know that she will be going to one of these new schools. So, withdraw from the current school and find her new school.</p>
<p>I think we will go ahead and withdraw…planning on explaining this to D.
She seems to well controlled…of course we were hoping to have her closer to home. She has worked extensively with doctors who think she will be ok. medications etc have been added. We continue to let her come home to see doctors…she did miss a few weeks to be treated.</p>
<p>hoping to get a word back from a financial advisor before we flat out tell her no.</p>
<p>That sounds like a good plan. Figure out the finances… Maybe they will lead to a college close to home. </p>
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The issues you mentioned…attempted suicide, depression are very serious issues, and in my opinion sorority rush results would not cause them. But that is my opinion.</p>
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<p>thumper is right. the sorority issue is not the cause, it was the trigger. the mental health issue is there and likely has been there and the bid result triggered. </p>
<p>as you mentioned, other girls didnt get bids, yet they didnt have a similar result. disappointments? yes. suicidal? no. </p>
<p>I know a student who had a major breakdown in college. He blamed a very MINOR disappointment and claimed that it was nothing more and wanted to dismiss it as if he just got over a flu. he may not have been suicidal, but he couldnt get out of bed for months, dropped out of school, etc. when I mentioned this to my sister (a clinical therapist for 25 years), she said, "no, people do not have breakdowns for that. that was just the trigger. think about it…students have parents die while in college and other serious disappointments and they dont have breakdowns. this was just a symptom of something more serious. she was right. more breakdowns later, became suicidal, and a serious diagnosis was made.</p>
<p>We do think it was the trigger, there have been issues in the past but not severe. My D has been through a lot in life, (nearly fatal infection, childhood illness) Of course, we will evaluate everything as summer goes on and she is constantly at home. It’s interesting for that perspective, my husband and I lose sleep worrying about her all the time. We are grateful she’s made it through this year. She is also seeing a therapis 2x a week at school.</p>
<p>good. and I hope that the therapist that she is seeing does a thorough history intake. I thought that sort of thing was a given, as my sister does this, but I have since found out that there are a couple “brands” of therapists that don’t…they just deal with the “here and now’” which often doesn’t uncover deeper issues. right now, your D may only have a “working diagnosis” (depression, anxiety, etc) with a more accurate one to come.</p>
<p>If your D has had some traumatic experiences as a young child, then those could be related, and she may be having some kind of post-traumatic trigger…or it could be something completely different. I hope that she is </p>
<p>best wishes.</p>
<p>I think the mental health issue is separate from choosing a college issue. Unfortunately there are disappointments in life and we have to learn how to cope with that in a healthy way. My daughter has been dealing with depression also. She is in HS and has been on the upswing . We have taken the instructions from the therapist. Eating healthy, regular sleep, and exercising. We joined a gym and go 3 times a week. It seems to be helping. </p>
<p>D is very into eating heatlhy and working out. It’s always been at the forefront for our family, so that was never a thing. She has been working out about 4-5 times per week this whole year.</p>
<p>Back to the finances question…it is going to stress everyone more if family finances are not considered. What will happen if you find your self in a position where you cannot continue to fund a very expensive college in subsequent years? I would suggest only looking at affordable schools…now. </p>
<p>And as pointed out upstream by another poster…learning to cope and deal with life’s disappointments are important…maybe more important at this point than college. If this were my daughter, I would not send her to college away for at least one term…until I, as a parent, could be sure that her mental health issues were under control.</p>
<p>Best wishes to your daughter. </p>
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<p>I agree. as mentioned earlier, I would start with the affordable schools first (if you name them, we may be able to add info)…</p>
<p>here is what I would do to help the “love process”…</p>
<p>1) send an email to the major dept with d’s info and ask if y’all can meet some faculty and tour the major dept.</p>
<p>2) find out which entrance to the campus is the prettiest (this may sound silly, but that first impression is important, and most schools have one or two prettier entrances/approaches to the campus. likely the admissions office can tell you.</p>
<p>3) find out where the cool off-campus hang-outs are, walk around it, and eat at least one meal/snack at a place</p>
<p>4) find out which on-campus dining facility is the best, and eat or snack there. </p>
<p>5) tour the best dorms, if living on campus. find a great off-campus apt, if living off-campus.</p>
<p>6) find out about the campus clubs and how people sign up for them…is there a Sign-Up Day? </p>
<p>7) is she going to rush at this school? if so, get the info on that. find out if recs are needed.</p>
<p>GREAT ideas. I will make a call tot he admissions staff now. I had never even considered that before…great insight. At this point, we are hoping that the right thing will work out.</p>
<p>On more idea. You said your daughter was seeing a therapist in her college town, more than once a week? You want to get recommendations for therapists in her new college town so that this can continue as needed.</p>
<p>Another great idea-once we make choices we will definitely research!</p>
<p>@CTransfer2017 hope this helps you-let me know if you want to talk more </p>
<p>@CTransfer2017 looks like you’re a perspective transfer…I can only imagine this is hard on you, like my daughter.</p>
<p>How far away is the OOS school? Is it close enough that you can provide the support your daughter might need?</p>
<p>I would try to discuss with your daughter what the realistic choices are given everything going on. Academically my daughter was qualified to go anywhere she wanted. Unfortunately due to health reasons, we had to place limits. I hated to do it but in the end it had to be done. In her case, it ended up being a academically successful year but very rocky health year. But we were close enough to provide support when needed. If she went to her dream school, it probably would have ended in a medical withdraw.</p>
<p>As you consider the financial aspects, also consider the impact if she needs to do a medical withdrawal in the future. Can you take the hit? Consider the impact if her depression results in the need to take a lighter course load or drop a course. She might need more than four years.</p>
<p>I would look at the support services that each school has for your daughter’s issues. Check to see how each school approaches depression and possible suicidal thoughts. It sounds like her current school has a good system but I am guessing that level of care varies with each school.</p>
<p>Personally if it was my daughter, I would want her close. I would not visit schools that you know are not possible. I would discuss your reasons with her.</p>
<p>Another idea is to look at the courses catalogs to see if there are courses that might excite your daughter at the less expensive schools. </p>
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also consider the impact if she needs to do a medical withdrawal in the future. Can you take the hit?
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<p>oh yikes…didnt think about that, but that could happen. Your d could have to withdraw mid-semester and you will have paid, but get nothing from it…meaning an add’l semester will have to be paid for later. </p>
<p>Also, do you know if your H’s salary change is an indication of other changes to come? Companies are getting brutal with 50-something employees.</p>
<p>Mental health issues are such a mystery and the “experts” do not know everything because each person is different and there are so many unknowns. Tests aren’t conclusive at all. It is only natural that your D wants to downplay the significance of any real issues, because (of course) she wants to be “normal” and is likely very scared to be considered anything but. </p>
<p>Your D does school well…obviously…but in my own limited experience, that isn’t unusual. My BIL was a super-star in college and his PhD (physics), but has serious depression/anxiety and an Axis II Disorder that he refuses to get addressed. He is not suicidal, but over the years has become more and more house-bound. </p>
<p>@noname87 Have considered that, we do think it would be alright, my father is willing to help out in a pinch like that, something we are truly grateful for. We are definitely looking into it. Schools are alright distance wise. My husband’s sister lives in the city as one of the $$ schools that is great.</p>
<p>@mom2collegekids It should not indicate future changes. My husband has an essential position and is the only one. Also, it is not a national company, but more regional.</p>
<p>Transfers can have a tough time at colleges even under the best conditions. I agree that even at a school with heavy Greek presence (and I HATE that scene), someone left out should not have been so hard hit. This shows a lot of other issues. I’d be more concerned about that than anything else. College at this point is not the matter of importance here. Anyone who has actually attemped suicide has a very high risk of trying again. Maybe in a few years, such a person can go out on her own, but in a few months??? i think you are risking your kid’s life doing this. </p>