<p>It will always be with both mom and dad.</p>
<p>I did a couple with my dad, a couple with my mom, one with my brother (older by 2 years), and one by myself. </p>
<p>By far, the best one was when I went alone. I asked a lot more questions, I ate lunch with students, I got a much better feel for what it would be like going to college there and getting around. I was also able to meet up with a friend at that college and at a nearby college which was great.</p>
<p>The second best was with my brother. Probably partly because he is not a parent, which helps, and also because he had just gone through the process and had good advice for what to do on the visit.</p>
<p>My son regularly stays overnight at one of two schools we’ve visited because he is working with a professor there and then has dinner and stays over with one of his best friends. On our other visit, I went with him early in the morning, sat in on a class with another of his high school friends, went on the tour and met with an administrator, and then I left him to spend Friday night with his friend and her friends. He said that was the most informative part of the visit. We’ll visit together and then leave him where that is feasible. That would be easy for us at most places reachable via public transportation but harder for, say, Vassar.</p>
<p>Depending on the student’s comfort level, I cannot imagine that a solo overnight visit isn’t going to give the student the best insight about what the school would be like on a daily basis.</p>
<p>07DAD - My ex really shocked us when we found out that he’d bought our state’s prepaid tuition plan–2 years of CC and 2 years of a 4-year college. He’s been paying for it since 2002 and just told us about it last year. I really didn’t expect him to pay anything since he and his lawyer were adamant that the property settlement in the divorce (1995) not contain any obligation for him to pay anything for college.</p>
<p>Oops–double post!</p>
<p>stevesmama–More than 2/3 of the states do not allow for court ordered college support. There have been round-robin discussions at Family Law seminars in my state that doesn’t give the court the power to order college support where some of the veteran Family Law practitioners have diuscussed college costs and divorce agreements.</p>
<p>There is a school of thought that where the child or children are very, very young at the time of divorce, it is better not to have an enforceable agreement regarding college, since this future need of the child can be an incentive for the parents to “get over” their anger and co-parent their children after the divorce.</p>
<p>If you divorced in 1995 with a child who will be entering college next Fall, your child was probably 4 at the time of the divorce. Did you parents work together to co-parent without acrimony after the divorce (even if not immediately)? Did the college issue influence you one way or the other about “making peace”?</p>
<p>I hope your son has shown his Dad some appreciation for his forethought and planning. Have you prepared to assist monetarily with your son’s college COA?</p>
<p>07DAD–The college issue didn’t have anything to do with making peace. I honestly didn’t expect him to pay anything. We’ve both been very active parents, often the only parents in the class who would volunteer to chaperone field trips. Once we got past the first few years of hostility, we’ve co-parented pretty well.</p>
<p>I’ve told S that despite his dad’s quirks (like saying “Does Boo-Boo love the papa?” to him in the high school cafeteria and taking S’s picture at every meal. Every. Meal.), there is no doubt that his dad loves him very much and has sacrificed a lot to do this for him.</p>
<p>And yes, I’ve been pumping money into a 529 for years.</p>
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<p>ditto. My S had to put up with me working the cafeteria line for 3 years at his private school. I am sure I embarrassed him on occassion, but “Boo-Boo?”</p>
<p>I think H took sons on all their visits (there weren’t that many; 2-3 each.) He’s a better driver & traveler, and I thought it was important for them to do “guy” time together as the schools were all engineering/comp sci types anyway.</p>
<p>I went with my D to one school (short drive away) and H went with her on the farther ones. He travels a lot anyway, and can work on the road. At that time I was home with the 3 younger ones!</p>
<p>Now that we’re down to 1 child at home, it seems we’re both going with him. Whatever works.</p>
<p>We used to casually tour colleges together on vacations while son was in 8 - 10th grades. No evaluations were done. This was more to present a carrot to him, that if he worked hard, took his vitamins, etc. that he could have more options when the time came. The lesson was that it was all about creating choices later; we were never shopping for a college. </p>
<p>During spring of Junior year, when the visits became more evaluative, I did a lot of driving. BTW, I am the Dad. What I found was that hours of silence in a car gets teens to open up a bit. We both enjoyed our man-to-man talks. We both missed mom, but enjoyed the fact that it was a road trip with the boys. We kept mom involved with phone calls (sometimes for hours) on the ride back. Mom enjoyed her time alone to get things done at work and around the home. She felt like she was missing out on the fun, but not at all frustrated or left out anything important. </p>
<p>After the fall of senior year (present), he is now flying by himself to visit the last 3 schools on his list. He is actively engaging faculty and enjoying the fact finding mission himself. He does not call when he is visiting, because he is having a good time. Since he does not call, he fits in better with the students. He doesn’t take the dorm tours or worry about the bathroom configuration. He usually will break off and try to interact with the school’s student and staff. </p>
<p>For our family, what I’ve learned is that the goal should be to use the visits as a development tool to teach our kids how to interact and glean information.</p>
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<p>desilu–great point!</p>
<p>Our current high schooler is not all that engaged in the process but we do notice he is better at talking to strangers & asking questions (and answering for himself!) than he used to be. </p>
<p>I was the same way at that age…either lacking in curiosity or afraid to ask questions. I got over it…eventually…</p>
<p>kayf wrote:</p>
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<p>What does this mean? Are “intimations” like that actually made during college visits??</p>
<p>^^ I wondered at that too, dbwes.</p>
<p>Somebody thinks a donation (or bribe?) will get their child into a college?</p>
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<p>That is assuming that the overnight host doesn’t flake out. I remember a CC Mom who had to put out an emergency request on CC while her D was at an overnight at Harvard, because of overnight host problems. Replacement CC kid hosts came to the rescue. (yes, CC is that amazing!) So a bad host can really skew one’s thinking and rule out a great school from the running.</p>
<p>But not doing an overnight can result in the student ending up at a school he would not have chosen if he had visited. </p>
<p>I guess you have to hope that your student would be able to differentiate between a bad host and a bad environment.</p>