<p>This new essay is going to be about the pain and suffering my mom has to go through to be able to provide. This is the beginning. </p>
<p>"Bunion." "That red swelling you see is a bunion." This wasn't the first time my mom had to explain what a bunion was to me. Each morning she comes home from work, tired and stressed from the -busy- night before. Each morning I ask how her night was. Each morning I jokingly comment on her feet and we share a laugh together. Although this morning was different. She wasn't cracking her million dollar worthy smile that could probably win anyone over. She didn't laugh when I asked her what was on her feet. She was sad, sad and tired. I looked at her feet again but this time with awe. Looking at the condition of my mom's feet I saw the sacrifices on the hospital floor she's made on my behalf. I saw the twelve hours of pain she has to endure each night because that's the only source of money for the household. </p>
<p>If anyone has opinions or ideas about this please share! </p>
<p>Btw I know it's not a good idea to post your essays in public so no need to comment it.</p>
<p>• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.</p>
<p>• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?</p>
<p>• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?</p>
<p>• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?</p>
<p>• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.</p>
<p>The operative words in that sentence are “YOUR LIFE” not “your mother’s life.” If your mother was applying to college, this would be the start of a great essay about overcoming adversity in her life. But, what about YOU? What about the challenges YOU have had to overcome? That is what colleges want to know with this essay prompt. So far, you haven’t answered that question.</p>
<p>Did you read the article about pitfalls in the new Common Application essays?</p>
<p>
[quote]
The Rite of Passage Question:
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.</p>
<p>Pitfall: This seems like a question choice fraught with opportunities for clich</p>
<p>Maybe. Colleges are not only looking at what you write, but how you write. Without actually reading your essay, it’s difficult to tell if it would be wonderful or a cliche.</p>
<p>BTW: I know you didn’t want this advice, but as you published the start of your essay on the internet, any student can now copy and paste your words and use them as their own. And if both you and this unnamed person applied to the same college – both of your applications would be rejected because an Admissions Officer wouldn’t know who plagiarized who first. Bottom line: Your essay in Post #1 is now tainted material and I wouldn’t recommend you use it, as you never know who might be reading this and submitting to the same colleges.</p>
<p>@gibby
Actually I’m going to delete it. if you don’t mind could you pm this stuff to me? I’m not near a computer and I can’t save it on my phone.</p>