<p>Surfcity:</p>
<p>Yes, and substance-free students are going to have drinking and drug use going on around them in college, in spades. Should that stop them from wanting to live in a substance-free dorm?</p>
<p>Niqui:</p>
<p>âYou donât want to âconform to the normâ, but yet, you donât want to go to a school that has the rules that you want. Really?â</p>
<p>If they want to stop pairing students up based on common interests and values, thatâs fine. Just let everyoneâs roommate be chosen by a random lottery. But if theyâre going to let some people pair up based on shared values and preferences, then my sonâs values and preferences deserve as much consideration as anyone elseâs.</p>
<p>Actually my daughter had a friend who went to a school that did just randomly assign roommates. They claimed that a similar percentage of rooms imploded regardless of whether you did random roommate, paired by questionnaire or let students choose roommates.</p>
<p>Iâm baffled, really. Thereâs a well-regarded college (BYU) with the rules this kid wants, with the ârareâ major he wants, yet itâs âthe ghettoâ because itâs not a âregularâ college where the kid can âinsistâ people do things his way? WTH?</p>
<p>My college assigned freshmen by department-so my first dorm was all science majors. The two girls in the room next to me were best friends who chose to room together-by spring they werenât speaking. My roommate and I simply talked over what each of us could live with and went from there-no contract. A friend of mine met his future best friend (and best man) in his dorm room on the first day of school. Nothing is foolproof, nothing is perfect.</p>
<p>I agree with the rest-either insist on a single and be prepared to pay for it, or go to a school (like BYU) that has exactly what you want and be grateful there is such an option.</p>
<p>I still chuckle over S3âs roommate questionnaire.</p>
<p>It was very quickly obvious that it had been filled out by his parent. Roomie was never organized enough to do something as mundane as fill out a questionnaire. And sonâs guess is that he would have given opposite answers. According to parent, roomie was neat, studious and preferred to be in bed at 11, did not smoke, and was a morning person. In reality, roomie smoked like a fiend (although never in the room) and his clothes reeked from it; he missed most of classes; and rarely came back to the room before 2 am. Sometimes he had been studying; more often not, he had been jamming with other musicians. He did not do laundry once the entire first semester.</p>
<p>The boys got along just fine. To please son, roomie jammed his dirty laundry in his closet and closed the door, and came in (relatively) quietly late at night. Son left the room (and often slept elsewhere) when it was roomieâs turn to host the jam sessions.</p>
<p>Both boys had girlfriends. I never asked about their arrangements. They are adults. Not my business.</p>
<p>They lived together two years.</p>
<p>Iâm as baffled as you are, sseamom. Whatâs wrong with BYU?</p>
<p>While it wouldnât be MY choice, I know some people who went there and were very happy there. And I DO like that even the athletes are held to the same standards and arenât given a pass for the rules or the grades.</p>
<p>BYU is actually a very well regarded school in my stateâŠnot Utah, btw. The kids have a rep for being courteous, respectful, hard working, clean cut and devout. </p>
<p>FilâŠyouâre getting defensive. Yes, people jumped on your âinsistâ wording but really what most of the comments boil down to is (1) itâs fine to look for conservative dormmates but no guarantee, (2) they will be adults and need to work it out, and (3) if he feels he doesnât like the uncertainty of that then he should look for colleges less likely to create issues for him.</p>
<p>My D2 said her college asked about overnight visitor preferences/frequency in the roommate matching form. I suppose you could ask to see the form they use at the colleges he applies to⊠although at my D2âs college, the form was sent to students and parents were NOT allowed access to it. I think they are trying to get truthful answers⊠a month into freshman year my D seems happy with her roommate (but of course it is still earlyâŠ).</p>
<p>Not to seem like a stalker, I normally donât pay close enough attentionâŠbut this thread of conversation seemed very deja vu familiar to me. You posted the same ? regarding a specific school and folks told you the same exact things.</p>
<p>not a major but another âghettoâ school that offers a linguistics minor at least: [Academics</a> | College Undergraduate Majors and Minors | Liberty University](<a href=âhttp://www.liberty.edu/academics/index.cfm?PID=6908]Academicsâ>Bachelorâs Degrees | Academics | Liberty University)</p>
<p>I see your point that you would like a âsex freeâ (or maybe even heavy petting free?) dorm and that that is as valid a choice as substance free. </p>
<p>My comment was in reaction to your wanting no âsinâ around. Whether or not we define premarital sex as sin, there is definitely going to be sin in the dorms because we all are sinners! </p>
<p>My guess is colleges would offer chaste dorms if there were a demand for them. It isnât that those choices arenât valid, itâs that there is not enough demand at most schools. Kids who would like such choices often end up at BYU or Grove City etc.</p>
<p>There seems to be some confusion over the word âghettoâ. It can mean âa part of a city, esp. a slum area, occupied by a minority group or groupsâ; but it can also mean âan isolated or segregated group or area.â </p>
<p>By using the phrase âbanishing Christians to the ghettoâ I was referring to the latter definition; the point being that rather than give Christians what they want, secularists would prefer that Christians just leave and go to their own area over there, where they wonât bother anyone. </p>
<p>I have nothing against BYU â I never said I did â nor Baylor or Notre Dame, both of which also have restrictive dorm policies. What I have been saying all along, is that there are very few schools that have these types of dorm policies and ALSO offer a linguistics major. In other words, very limited choices for my sonâs major. </p>
<p>So (as explained before) my son and I were wondering whether it would be possible to get the type of dorm environment he wants in a non-religious school â in order to expand his available choices. Choice is good, right? Or is that only with regard to abortion? ; )</p>
<p>But the reaction Iâm getting (though not from everyone â thanks to those who addressed my question in the spirit in which it was asked), is âif thatâs what you want, go somewhere elseâ; which is what I call banishment to the ghetto.</p>
<p>TempeMom:</p>
<p>âwhat most of the comments boil down to is (1) itâs fine to look for conservative dormmates but no guarantee, (2) they will be adults and need to work it out, and (3) if he feels he doesnât like the uncertainty of that then he should look for colleges less likely to create issues for him.â</p>
<p>I agree with your 1, 2 and 3: IF he doesnât like the uncertainty then he CAN look elsewhere (Iâm not sure that he âshouldâ). But I never said that he doesnât like the uncertainty. What I was doing was trying to find out what level of certainty he can expect. I havenât DEMANDED certainty. I was only asking whether it was realistic to expect certainty. </p>
<p>The answer is evidently ânoâ, and my son can now take that into account: Does he want certainty but with fewer choices? or is he willing to accept some uncertainty for the sake of more choices? As far as I know he hasnât decided yet. So why is he being rushed off to BYU? : )</p>
<p>Surfcity:</p>
<p>âMy guess is colleges would offer chaste dorms if there were a demand for them. It isnât that those choices arenât valid, itâs that there is not enough demand at most schools. Kids who would like such choices often end up at BYU or Grove City etc.â</p>
<p>Or could it be that when they ask about it, they are told to look elsewhere? : ) That has certainly been my experience (in this thread and elsewhere).</p>
<p>JoBenny:</p>
<p>âNot to seem like a stalker, I normally donât pay close enough attentionâŠbut this thread of conversation seemed very deja vu familiar to me. You posted the same ? regarding a specific school and folks told you the same exact things.â</p>
<p>My question in the other thread was whether Bucknell would take moral preferences into account when assigning roommates. My question in this thread was whether a Roommate Contract could guarantee my son the type of visitation policies that he would prefer. </p>
<p>It did end up covering some of the same ground, mainly because I got many of the same types of reactions, namely implying that my son was closed-minded and needed to broaden his horizons, which to me is presumptuous and patronizing. Sure there are things he hasnât experienced, but there are also things he has experienced which non-devout Catholics havenât. And the fact that he disapproves of some things that other people approve of, doesnât automatically make him narrow; everyone approves of some things and not others. Thatâs a point that I considered worth making, here as well as in the other thread.</p>
<p>
Pure poppycock. Such thinking is backwards.</p>
<p>What can OPâs son expect if he goes to a secular school? A secular campus that does not cater to any religious expectations. </p>
<p>A neighbor of ours has a daughter is who ultra-Orthodox. She spent a semester on campus at Ohio State, was uncomfortable and unhappy, even though she had a nice enough roommate. She chose to transfer to a school that fit her chosen life style (Touro) even though it did not have everything she wanted academically. Itâs a tradeoff.</p>
<p>What it comes down to is that if OPâs son chooses a secular college, he can request an equally conservative roomie, if the college has a questionnaire and if the questionnaire even asks that question. OPâs son can also go on the Facebook site for the various schools he is accepted to, and see if he can find a roomie with the same beliefs who would like to room with him (as schools generally honor mutual requests). Once on campus, if he was given a roomie whose beliefs or practices made him too uncomfortable, he could always seek to change rooms to be with someone he met that he might be more comfortable with.</p>
<p>But as far as âinsistingâ on anything like a âchaste roomâ with a random roomie in the roommate contract, probably not going to workâŠOPâs son would be best to try to negotiate a compromise framework that might work for both of them. </p>
<p>As with my neighborâs daughter, there have to be tradeoffsâa campus with the lifestyle OP wants for the son, but maybe not the perfect major (although students change majors almost as frequently as they change their clothes), or a more secular campus where he may not be as comfortable socially.</p>
<p>My understanding of the people who were saying âGo to BYUâ wasnât that they were saying âif your son wants a room free of sex, go to BYUâ it was âif your son would like a guarantee before enrolling in school that his room is free of sex, go to BYU.â I donât see how thatâs banishing at all. Even the schools that have questionnaires about the other types of preferences never promise to pair you with someone who answers compatibly.</p>
<p>This is why people harped on the âinsistâ wording. You absolutely cannot insist on such a policy at a school that doesnât have one of itâs own (hence people telling you to look elsewhere). Your son can engage in a discussion with his roommate about their feelings and try to reach a compromise that is agreeable to both. Since you cannot âinsistâ on it, your son will ultimately probably have to allow overnight guests to some extent (unless he gets lucky and his roommate feels the same way - which is of course possible) however he may be able to set rules regarding how far in advance he is given notice or agree that the roommate will not discuss whether he needs the room for sex or just private conversation. If your son is willing to engage in a conversation he will be fine. If he is looking for a guarantee that he gets what he want, heâll have to look elsewhere.</p>
<p>I donât really see the problem with that sentiment.</p>
<p>I wanna be Brown:</p>
<p>âMy understanding of the people who were saying âGo to BYUâ wasnât that they were saying âif your son wants a room free of sex, go to BYUâ it was âif your son would like a guarantee before enrolling in school that his room is free of sex, go to BYU.â I donât see how thatâs banishing at all.â</p>
<p>I didnât literally mean that they were banishing him. In fact if you look at the post where I first used that word, you see I included a smily-face to indicate that I was kidding:</p>
<p>"Yeah, thatâs the answer: Banish the Christians to the ghetto. If they refuse to conform to the norm, let them go elsewhere. ; ) "</p>
<p>In response people got indignant that I called BYU a âghetto schoolâ. : )</p>