What do you do when the college doesn't "measure up"?

Parent Cafe
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<ol>
<li> I'm frustrated and have been for awhile at my S's school. So far I have not done anything "official" about my complaints.</li>
<li> PLEASE do not turn this into a thread telling me to "stay out" of my S's business. I am simply wondering what other parents might have done in the past and to help me think through my frustrations!</li>
</ol>

<p>So, son is close to finishing 1st semester at his small private. It is not highly competitive, but (we thought) a good solid small school. It has not been a good semester overall. He is doing fine academically, though Cal 2 is a bear (and so is the teacher). Socially, it seems not to be a good fit and not the picture that was "painted" for us on previous visits during the college selection process.</p>

<p>Here are my major complaints (mine, I know, I think son would agree):
1. We asked and were told that frats were a choice, but not the choice of a majority of kids on campus. Current fact seems to be that Greek is the main choice of social activities on the weekends.<br>
2. S applied and is part of a special "first year" program which was to be a seperate dorm with many activities to help with the adjustment of college, and to include wellness activities and community service. Current fact seems to be that kids just signed up for the program to get the "better" dorm and that "activities" consist of people showing up for craft night, signing in (to get the credit for being there) and then leaving. His floor has had not one "floor activity". Advisors were to be part of the program. S never sees them and when emailing for help once for an important issue, advisor simply said, "call so-and-so".
3. S also applied for the "honors" program. He is in a couple of honors classes. We were told there would be additional honors activities, projects, opportunities. Current fact seems to be that the main benefit of "honors" is priority scheduling. </p>

<p>We felt all these things in place would help for a better adjustment to college life socially and academically. Instead, they have all seemed to fall flat and S is struggling to like it there. </p>

<p>I am not trying to step on S toes and in his business. He is trying many things on his own and has in fact, made an appt. to meet with a counselor at school to talk about his issues and see if anything can be suggested to help him feel more attached or whatever to his situation. </p>

<p>BUT, I gonna think - our $$$ are going out the door to this school and I feel like I need to voice my concerns. He plans to finish out the year, but I have to say my mind can't help but think of the word "transfer" - this idea upsets him cause he feels like he will have somehow failed. </p>

<p>What we "saw", and what we "got" are two different pictures.</p>

<p>What's a mom to do!!? </p>

<p>Please share any experiences you have had with approaching the school , who you might have talked with (what department) etc. </p>

<p>I do ask myself, "what do you hope to accomplish from this phone call" - I'm not sure of the answer, but I feel like my thoughts and feelings REALLY need to be spoken!!!!</p>

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<p>abasket - I understand your frustration and it’s hard to sit back while our kids struggle. But, there is really nothing that you can “do” at this point that’s going to make a difference. Your son is doing all the right things. If it doesn’t work, then it’s just not the right place for him. I would write a letter to the undergraduate dean but not send it yet. Send it once your son figures out what he wants to do just to give them an idea why people transfer. At this point, there’s really not much of a battle to fight. Your certainly not the first family who had different expectations from a college.</p>

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<p>Abasket - I have no words of wisdom, but I can understand your frustration. You are not trying to “fix” something for your son, you are just trying to get what you thought you were purchasing. </p>

<p>Actually, if I may be self-indulgent, it is how I feel about my parents retirement community. </p>

<p>I guess my only advice would be to WRITE a letter voicing your thoughts and put it aside for a couple of weeks and then review what you wrote. I wouldn’t rush, I would make sure I really thought everything through. A letter is much harder to dismiss.</p>

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<p>Caveat that we did not encounter this situation, D1 settled in pretty well to her small private two years ago.</p>

<p>But you are getting something for your $$$. College credits, because it sounds like he is doing okay in all of his classes. And priority scheduling isn’t to be sneezed at – take it from a parent whose kid didn’t have it, and couldn’t get into a lab science class their entire freshman year.</p>

<p>I don’t think you should stay out of his business, but it is still first semester. Assuming he is willing to keep working at it, I think he is taking the right steps to see a counselor and join in activities that he finds interesting. One of D’s best friends from high school HATED his college the first year (a top 20 LAC). Over the summer he said he was planning to transfer after sophomore year, and would be doing transfer apps that fall. Then… fall semester of sophomore year, things started clicking. And he decided to stay, and is happy now. I am not saying that will happen for your son, but it does take a while sometimes to settle in. New roomates and a new dorm next fall might help, too.</p>

<p>Sorry, this isn’t advice on how to call the school about your disappointments. I think you can express them to the school verbally or in writing, but I honestly would not expect any change in time to help your son. But you might help someone else down the road if the school takes an honest look at their programs.</p>

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<p>Darn! I meant to post this in the Parents section, not the cafe! (if a moderator would like to move it, that would be fine with me!)</p>

<p>I am glad that S is willing to stay the year. We talked yesterday when he was having a little meltdown and I told him that maybe second semester will bring a “fresh” start of sorts - new classes, new profs - that doesn’t help the social aspect of school which seems to be the root of his own personal disappointment - he was very social in high school and now seems like Mr. Wallflower.</p>

<p>I also think that it is tough for him to face the thought of a transfer. Where to start? How to find time to investigate other opportunities? Will transfers grant near as much aid as he was able to get as a freshman? We put so much into the decision process, the thought of starting all over again, is not a good one. :(</p>

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<p>The impact of Greek life on a campus is a frequent problem for kids. The percentages do NOT tell the real story, as your family is discovering. That will improve somewhat as he makes more friends and falls into a social group of his own, but it is a very common complaint at many campuses.</p>

<p>Transfer students typically do NOT get as much aid as incoming freshman.</p>

<p>It might be a good idea for your son to do a few transfer applications. Some are due in February, some as late as April. </p>

<p>Sometimes a college is simply not the right fit.
I feel for you (and your son), and I hope things improve. They CAN improve- dramatically! (my kid was the one who hated Penn so much freshman year that he went AWOL. Now a happy grad, he says he loved his college experience.)</p>

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<p>abasket - is there a forum for this school here on cc? You might find parents familiar with this school who can give much more specific advice. Or is there a parent forum or council at the school? They might be helpful. I think you have very real “bait-and-switch” type complaints that should be looked into.</p>

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<p>I hated my first college. It wasn’t a good fit. I stuck it out for two years and then transferred. I wished I had done it sooner. Loved the second school. Sometimes you have to experience a school to know what you want. Unfortuantely it isn’t easy or cheap doing it that way but that’s how it is. You might wander over to the transfer forum for ideas and suggestions.</p>

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<p>I wouldn’t call OP’s complaints “bait-and-switch”. Her son is getting everything he was promised - it’s just that some of the benefits aren’t as “beneficial” as OP hoped. There ARE activities (just not exciting/meaningful) and he’s getting priority class registration in the honors program. </p>

<p>My question is: who is more unhappy - son, or mom? Does the son WANT to transfer, or is it simply mom’s wish that they both get more satisfaction from the $$$ she’s spending? </p>

<p>Please don’t misunderstand – I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting an excellent experience – not just an “OK” experience – given the high cost of LAC tuition. But it seems the boy is willing to give it a shot through the end of the year in hopes of eventually adapting and finding a group of friends. Maybe this is a case where it’s best for mom to give him time to do that before resuming the ‘transfer’ discussion.</p>

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<p>Has your son gotten involved in any clubs?</p>

<p>I too transferred after my first school turned out to be all wrong for me. I was happy as a pig in slop after the switch. I can’t see that as a failure. To me, it’s a failure to suck it up for three more years instead of finding a better home. If you buy a car and you don’t like it because it isn’t what they advertised, it’s not a failure to trade it in for a car that works for you.</p>

<p>In my experience, the seeking/shopping for transfer entry was much easier than it had been when I was in high school, because I knew exactly what did and didn’t work for me.</p>

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<p>Transfer is just “talk” and “think about” now. I promise you that this is not “mom’s” unhappiness. I am unhappy because he is so unhappy. As I said, he made an appt. to see at counselor at the school - that was a MAJOR step for him, something he did not want to have to do, but now sees it as something he has to try. He’s giving it a “shot” because he (in his own words) is someone who does not take quitting lightly and is very much a disciplined, try-hard person. </p>

<p>Just for the record, while we certainly appreciate the honors “priority scheduling” - that was not the reason he chose honors - he was looking for much more than a benefit at scheduling time.</p>

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<p>The impact of Greek life on a campus is a frequent problem for kids. The percentages do NOT tell the real story, as your family is discovering. That will improve somewhat as he makes more friends and falls into a social group of his own, but it is a very common complaint at many campuses.</p>

<p>I don’t know what % of kids are Greeks at your kid’s school, but during fall semester of frosh year, it can seem like a major part of a school because or rush, pledging, and such. You’ll also see kids running around in Greek-lettered shirts.</p>

<p>When I was in college, Greeks were a relatively small %, but they seemed like more with all their signs and such that went on in the fall semester.</p>

<p>Unless this school is 75% Greek, there are many kids who aren’t Greek and they’re doing other things. </p>

<p>I think your son should try to involve himself in some clubs related to his major or hobbies (or community service). He’ll find friends who aren’t Greek.</p>

<p>BTW…some kids only stay in their frat or sorority for a year or two because it gets so expensive. So, even if a school has X% pledging, that doesn’t mean that X% of the school is Greek.</p>

<p>Transfer students typically do NOT get as much aid as incoming freshman.</p>

<p>Very true…you may end up being nearly full-pay at another school.</p>

<p>*It might be a good idea for your son to do a few transfer applications. Some are due in February, some as late as April. *</p>

<p>True…but…since FA packages for transfers aren’t usually done til late spring/early summer, have your son proceed at his current school (signing up for fall 2011 classes and housing) in case the FA package from the transfer school is unaffordable. </p>

<p>However, if you’re full-pay, that won’t be a concern. :)</p>

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<p>I’m sorry you - and your child - are frustrated with what promised to be a better experience. As a professor whose job description includes advising, though I did want to address one point:</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>Does he go to the advisor’s office hours with questions and concerns?
Is his advisor an academic advisor or a student life advisor?</p>

<p>Did S follow though and call “so and so”? That may sound to you like a blow-off answer, but honestly, professors are not the same as guidance counselors. If, for example, his question had to do with a problem with registration and he was advised to call the registrar, or with financial aid and he was sent to the bursar’s office, that was appropriate advice. I have no access to many pieces of information for my students - nothing about housing, financial aid, library fines, parking permits etc - and taking the time to look up the appropriate contact is in fact more than most advisors do for their students.</p>

<p>Does the school have some sort of Student Life office, or even better, something called a Freshman Success Center or some similar name? That’s where many of your - and his? - concerns could best be aired. Hopefully, the “counselor” he’s going to see will be able to help with these problems.</p>

<p>Be cautious about transferring as the perfect solution. The grass is not always greener…although you might be more sensitive to what’s lurking under the greenery next time around!</p>

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<p>Deciding to transfer to another school is not “quitting”. Sometimes things just don’t work out the way you think they are going to. Deciding to transfer to another school is a way to move forward and NOT quit. If he wants to transfer, support him in this endeavor. </p>

<p>I will say, I transferred after my freshman year and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. My first school was fine enough and I could have stuck it out for four years, and received my bachelors degree. BUT I didn’t want to do that. I bit the bullet by myself and did transfer applications. I will tell you, I walked away from a mighty good financial aid package…transferred to a public university back in the day when you COULD earn enough money to attend one by working two jobs in the summer. I got no aid that first year as a transfer, but DID get aid for my junior and senior years. My parents supported my decision to transfer…even though they really didn’t know about it until after the applications were in. </p>

<p>Being happy is important. If your son is giving it his best shot and it’s just not his cup of tea, there are other schools out there that might suit him better. He won’t be the only one who is transferring after his freshman year…in fact he probably isn’t the only one transferring from this particular school.</p>

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<p>Right, the counselor he has scheduled to see will probably address the social issues.</p>

<p>The advisor I mentioned is supposed to be the advisor for the “first-year” program which is limited to students who were admitted to it - not all freshman. They are there to advise overall and to help with the first year transition.</p>

<p>He actually has several times taken advantage of office hours of different profs. One in particular - his calc prof - only has office hours during times he is in other classes. He made arrangements to meet with her otherwise a couple of times. One time, she never showed. Today, he made an appt. w/her - he arrived 5 minutes early only to have her tell him that she had a meeting she forgot about in 5 minutes - so she only had 5 minutes to spend with him before her meeting - and, she said, “oh, you’re the one who I was supposed to meet with.” Sorry prof - you are at a small school, this particular class of yours has shrunk from 26 students to 12 (14 have dropped since the start of the semester) and S emailed you - as in, there is an email address…I think you might not quite make him feel like he is just a “number”. (ok, sorry, that was all a seperate beef and rant from me…)</p>

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<p>To the extent that the college hasn’t lived up to its promises (for the honors program and the special freshman program), and the professors have been disappointing, I think one thing you can certainly do is reveal the name here and post your experience the college’s own board. It won’t help your son, but it could help others. One of the great aspects of CC is the opportunity to get “inside” info from those who have “been there and done that”.</p>

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<p>So sorry things aren’t as promised for your S. I transferred from our flagship U after my freshman year & it was a great decision for me. I was totally self-pay & got merit & FAid after the transfer, so it didn’t even cost me more (which is very unusual). My D also was a transfer–she started at a CC & applied to transfer after her 1st semester. She was very happy where she transferred.</p>

<p>I’d suggest your S continue to do as well as he can & submit at least a few transfer apps, so he can have options if things don’t improve by the end of Spring semester. As was posted, deadlines for transfer apps are often Feb & April; you get notified of decisions about them later than for entering freshmen as well. That Calc teacher sounds quite disappointing on many levels–it must be very frustrating for all the students!</p>

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<p>This particular school doesn’t have it’s own board and I don’t see where naming it would be much of a benefit to others. abasket has mentioned how hard her son has been trying to make new friends and is involved in a sport. The fact that he made that counselor’s appointment means he’s really trying. That calculus prof’s behavior is unacceptable. Depending on how the appointment goes with the counselor, I’d be ready with plan B. I know that abasket’s son got some really nice merit aid offers from several schools. Would your son still consider any of these schools? What are the chances that these schools would still extend the offer, should he decide to transfer?</p>

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<p>If it’s a for profit school school then I would have been very skeptical about their promises unless it is a prestigious one. Much has been written about the marketing budgets and departments these schools have and your story is not uncommon. Just Google ‘for profit colleges fraud.’</p>

<p>Hopefully you did research about the school’s reputation before signing on the dotted line. Now that you are in you have to realize the school may feed you the same warm fuzzies they gave you to get you through the door. </p>

<p>Plan B is where the power to change is the most effective.</p>

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<p>It sounds like the school is just not the right fit for abasket´s son, but I also do not see it as school not delivering as promised. </p>

<p>If you ever ask a tour guide or someone from admission about a school´s drinking policy, Greek life…they will always give you a very PC answer. Of course they are going to say that Greek life is not the only option, and every drug/alcohol free dorm still has large percentage of students who party (most of them are there because their parents want them to be there).</p>

<p>As far as air head calc professor, you always going to come across few. D1 is a math major. When she was a freshman, it was quite norm for people to drop out after the first prelim. D1 never used her advisor much because she didn´t need to. She liked to figure things out herself, so I don´t think her advisor would know her if he were to run into on a street.</p>

<p>In reading OP son´s dissatisfaction with the school, I am not sure it would necessary be that different or better at another school.</p>