<p>did you parents have a positive or negative experience when your college kid started a relationship early in their freshman year? my DD is a freshman. D seems to be very busy with her school work. So at this point, I'm not sure what to think about it. Any words of wisdom?</p>
<p>I am not a parent so you can ignore me if you want, but I started a relationship in my first semester of freshman year and have had such a positive experience the last year and a half I just have to share. It has been a healthy relationship and because we go to two different schools 20 minutes away we only see each other between zero and three times a week, we try to see each other at least once every other week. I have been a good influence on him because I take school very seriously and am not a slacker and he has been working harder now to keep up with me, and being with him has been great for me because I tend to take things too seriously and he helps me remember to relax and enjoy the process. I guess we establish an equilibrium in each other’s lives. We have never had a problem with it being a distraction and it has not stunted either of us socially, we both have male and female friends that we hang out with regularly, sometimes together but more often apart, and we have our own interests. He is more of a stay-home-and-play-video games sort but he doesn’t mind if I go out to a club or out to eat with friends or go to a party or anything, so I can do whatever I want and he doesn’t get upset as long as he knows I am being safe, and I give him free rein to do what he wants as long as he isn’t getting in trouble. I think a lot of students get too absorbed in the relationship and it becomes a problem, perhaps moreso when both parties go to the same school, but that doesn’t have to happen. My boyfriend and I are both very busy people but we have our priorities in line and we trust each other, so we are able to be together while still maintaining our individual responsibilities. I’d never had a boyfriend before him and I am really happy with the way he has enhanced my college experience. We’ve done a lot of growing together the last year and a half.</p>
<p>So, at this early stage in the game, I’d just wait it out and see how it goes. Listen to see if she sounds stressed and give her advice when she needs it. She may handle it just fine or it might not work out, either way this could be a good experience for her.</p>
<p>I don’t know if this applies to your D or not, but some kids just need to be in a relationship. My D’s freshman room mate was like that. It didn’t seem to have any effect (either way) on her academics.</p>
<p>I don’t think there are any general rules about it. If the relationship is a source of happiness and comfort, it is probably a good thing. If it is a source of added anxiety, it is probably not so good. Either way there’s not much you can do about it. </p>
<p>The best advice you can give is to have a life outside of this relationship, no matter how great it is.</p>
<p>I have friends who met during freshman orientation, dated all through undergrad, got married, he went to law school, she got a PhD, they had 2 kids, and are still married 20+ years later.</p>
<p>It can work.</p>
<p>Even if it doesn’t work out (the odds are that it won’t) not much you can do about it. It’s your D’s life. You’re just there to be supportive when they break up!</p>
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<p>Yes. This will ensure happiness in college and beyond.</p>
<p>i met my now boyfriend at our school’s accepted students’ weekend our senior year of high school, april 2007. we’ve been dating since our freshman orientation, and will be celebrating our second anniversary next saturday! :)</p>
<p>it’s been extraordinary, and i don’t regret a moment. i’d also recommend keeping mostly separate extracurriculars and social circles, as nngmm said. we didn’t start out that way, but branching out has only strengthened our relationship; i doubt we would still be together if we hadn’t.</p>
<p>Three points:</p>
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<li><p>As others have said, there’s nothing you can do about it. So if you have an opinion, you will probably be better off keeping it to yourself (or to other parents). Either way.</p></li>
<li><p>My observed experience encompasses one couple that lived happily ever after, one couple where the man murdered the woman 14 months later, and a whole bunch of couples that had fun for a few months or a few years and then broke up, with varying degrees of heartbreak and disruption. Each relationship had good and bad aspects . . . like, well, relationships. Never perfect. Sometimes better than nothing, sometimes not.</p></li>
<li><p>I apologize if I’m stating the obvious, but if your child is the female in a heterosexual relationship between 18 year-olds, it is 99% likely that she was the initiator. The relationship exists because she wants it that way, and will stop existing when she does not want it that way.</p></li>
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<p>That is so sexist! And obvious! And true! :D</p>
<p>Reaching back to my own (distant) memory, my best grades in college occurred when I was dating. I’ve been with my wife for over 25 years now and she was my senior year college sweetheart.</p>
<p>In fairness, I don’t think anyone is really opposed to college seniors getting into serious relationships, especially male college seniors. People may have positive or negative feelings about the particular persons involved with their children, but you don’t see a lot of threads on CC where moms wring their hands and fret about whether their 22-year-old sons’ girlfriends are limiting their wild-oat sowing and beer chugging too much, and forcing them to calm down prematurely.</p>
<p>You DO see a lot of threads on CC involving fretting about whether it’s a good idea for a girl (usually) to have a serious boyfriend right at the outset of college, when she should be meeting new people and trying new things, etc. As if we had anything to say about it.</p>
<p>Thanks all for your posts. I got feedback from parents and students too, and it helps. Yes, I agree with all of you. There is nothing I can do about it. I wanted to learn from other parents experiences.
As JHS mentioned, I had hope for my freshman D to try new things, meet new people, braoden her horizon, etc., etc., but hopefully, my D can explore new things even if she’s in a relationship. Anyhow, it could be a long or short one. Time will tell.</p>
<p>I started dating my now-husband early freshman year of college (he was a junior). I made tons of friends, had lots of fun, got good grades (after a rocky start that had nothing to do with my relationship - and everything to do with my lack of study habits). I was able to have friends and a boyfriend … we all did things together. I dated him 5 years & have been married 26 years. So I would say it can work!</p>
<p>Exactly the same as Kelsmom. Just add " and played varsity volleyball."
Been married 30 years.</p>
<p>Started dating my husband, then a sophomore, first week of my freshman year. We used to study together in the library every night. Both graduated Phi Beta Kappa, attended the same grad school, and have been married 35 years. (Okay, now I’m thinking we sound reeaaallly boring!)</p>
<p>I’ve never quite understood why people fear that being in a relationship precludes trying new things or meeting new people. If it’s a monogamous relationship, then it DOES preclude, erm, trying new people, but I wouldn’t have thought that this would bother most parents.</p>
<p>I’m not a parent, but I think my mom really wanted me to get a relationship earlier than I did. 
She would ask me if there were any prospects when I went home on vacation.</p>
<p>The rise of STDs has changed everything. Perhaps as parents we are silently encouraging relationships be monogamous if there are to be any at all.</p>