<p>If the closest people to you in college are only acquaintances (i.e. they forget about you if they don't see you for a month), the short time until graduation pretty much guarantees they aren't going to become close friends, and the HS friends have a new friend group, then what happens after college? I assume it should be easier to make close friends in college. Does this pretty much guarantee hermitry after college?</p>
<p>How many adults are there on this earth that didn’t even go to college at all? Do you think they are all hermits?</p>
<p>blahfishcakes, lots of times you make friends through work or maybe in your neighborhood - for example, if you share a house or live in an apartment complex with lots of other young people.</p>
<p>There are many organizations which you can join as a young adult that will have lots of people to meet. I know some local churches that have large young adult populations. Service groups, outdoor recreation groups, professional groups, etc all offer opportunities to make friends.</p>
<p>My two closest friends are from my first job. One of them was my boss, she is my older daughter’s Godmother even though she is Jewish. We don’t see each other that much as we are in different parts of the world. But we always contact each other whenever there we have a problem, especially if it’s work related. Most of my friends are from work and kids’ parents. They come and go as my interests change, but I have a core group of friends. What’s interesting is they are not necessary friends or know each other.</p>
<p>Political campaigns/church/temple/mosque…any volunteer board or organization. Most large cities have university clubs, alumni organization for your particular school. etc…work, fitness club, country club, tennis leagues, etc…running groups…bike groups. There are a billion ways to meet people when you are out in the world. You’ll be fine. Art league, the local neighborhood pub. Dance clubs, as in clubbing…small theater groups are always looking for fund raisers. Poetry and book readings. The local coffee shop.</p>
<p>Even if you had made a lot of close friends in college, you would lose track of many of them within a few years if you all move to different cities.</p>
<p>But you do have a legitimate concern. Once out in the “real world,” you are no longer surrounded by people your own age who share much of your lifestyle. Many of your work colleagues or the people who meet in your neighborhood or community will be at different stages in life – they may be young parents, or middle-aged people with children your age, or older people nearing or past retirement. Although you may enjoy their company and they may enjoy yours, you are probably less likely to become close friends with them than you would with single people of your own age.</p>
<p>Therefore, you need a plan. If you don’t have a network of acquaintances in the city where you will be living, it would be a good idea to expand your scope of people you know by getting involved in community activities of some sort. If the company you work for sponsors programs where employees participate in some type of community service, that could be ideal.</p>
<p>I’ve found it a little tricky to make friends after college, but I’ve also been fortunate in that I have a lot of social networks to draw on where I live now so I’ve met plenty of people and I go out enough to satsify myself socially. Not having close friends in college does not consign you to a life of misery and loneliness. It just means that hte best is ye to come :-)</p>
<p>Your friends will change as you go through life. High school friends…then college friends…then work friends…friends you meet through your spouse…then possibly friends you meet through your kids…church friends…new job friends…retirement friends (haha)</p>
<p>You will meet just a handful of friends in your lifetime that you will try to hold close. </p>
<p>As you transition force yourself to ask others to go out after work etc. Get used to making the move first. It gets easier :)</p>
<p>None of my close friends from college live in the city where I live. But a lot of my closest friends in this city attended the same college. We met here, through the alumni club. It’s a great way to connect with new people you have a lot in common with.</p>
<p>Making friends in college doesn’t mean you’ll be friends with them forever or will regularly see them. Not one of my college friends lives within hundreds of miles of me. The closest lives 1,000 miles away. We’ve all moved several times since graduation. I stay in touch with them, but I have other friends now who are much more emotionally close to me.</p>
<p>Adults make friends through work, civic groups, alumni organizations, being on amateur sports teams, being involved in volunteer work, religious/spiritual organizations, taking classes and workshops, being involved in professional organizations and by meeting people in their neighborhood.</p>
<p>You can’t count on making friends through work because you may be the youngest person there, and the others may be busy after hours with their spouses and kids.</p>
<p>Lots of students misguidedly think that doing ECs is only for college apps. Truth is that for the rest of your life, ECs of some kind are how you’ll make friends. People who have no hobbies or interests that involve other people are likely to become the ones who after work spend their time sitting in front of the TV or playing video games alone or just sitting home getting drunk.</p>
<p>I also suggest being open minded in your choice of friends. Don’t just confine yourself to friendships with people your own age or people who don’t have kids. At 58, I have friends who are as young as 18 and as old as 80. I throw parties and invite all of my friends. We play games, do theater improv and converse. I have lunch and hang out with my friends of all ages. Some of my young friends – grad students --also invite people of all ages to their parties, something that I did, too, when I was their age.</p>
<p>If your idea of fun is only partying by getting drunk, your field of potential friends will be increasingly small and eventually will be only people who have serious alcohol problems. If you’re open to other kinds of fun, you’ll find that the world will be yours.</p>
<p>I have not stayed in touch with anyone i met in my undergrad days. I moved, they moved, we got jobs, went to graduate school. There are thousands of ways to meet new friends outside of college: work, neighborhood, activities you join, clubs you belong to. It could be you just don’t fit with the folks at your college and didn’t find ‘your people’, and also you will change too…so if you feel friendless right now it doesn’t mean at all this is your future.</p>
<p>“If the closest people to you in college are only acquaintances” </p>
<pre><code>I didn’t have many friends in college, I was too busy. But my best friend(to this day)was only an acquaintance in college. Someone who was a friend of a friend of a friend. And this friendship took YEARS to develop. Her friendship was well worth the wait.
</code></pre>
<p>Have one college friend that I still speak to occasionally (I married him–just kidding about only speaking to him occasionally). Otherwise, I didn’t really make any good friends at college. I have lots of friends, though. Met them through work, hobbies (tennis), church, volunteering, neighborhood, high school, grad school, kids’ activities, etc. </p>
<p>As you move on in life, you’ll meet people who are often at the same stage of life that you are at–single, young married, empty nester, etc. College is only a 4 year portion of your life.</p>
<p>Not having good friends from college days basically means that I have no interest in going back for Homecoming. Nothing more…</p>
<p>I noticed that a lot of people mentioned church. I am non-religious, so that’s not an option. Also, part of the problem is I don’t drink, don’t like being around people that are drinking, and hate dancing or anything that involves getting dressed up. I prefer low-key, quieter activities, which I know is not in line with a lot of people my age.</p>
<p>There are other activities besides church and parties. Have you thought about becoming involved in community service activities (secular ones), organized crime (many are becoming ethnically diverse), political groups (especially around campaign season; for some reason, everyone being really busy around a cause helps build strong bonds), or something else like that.</p>
<p>Audubon has bird watching trips. Sierra Club has hiking excursions. Friends of the Library has a ton of activities. I love my quilt guild. Knitters have taken the world by storm (lots of stitch and ***** groups). Few people are as passionate as dog people (particularly if they start working the dog in agility training). </p>
<p>Look for things that interest you – and services you believe in (Habitat for Humanity? Wetland preservation? Historical preservation?).</p>
<p>Don’t forget the wonderful fun of being wacky. One fellow came through here because he wanted to visit every Aberdeen in the world (There are about 30). Some people hunt flea markets for garden gnomes or barfing cow milk pitchers (the milk comes out of the mouth). </p>
<p>I met one of my closest friends just five years ago. </p>
<p>I have found big cities harder to find friends than medium to small towns. I think a teeny town could be very challenging. </p>
<p>But don’t hide with the television remote or on the internet. Get out and discover the world around where ever it is you land. Good luck!</p>
<p>" noticed that a lot of people mentioned church. I am non-religious, so that’s not an option. Also, part of the problem is I don’t drink, don’t like being around people that are drinking, and hate dancing or anything that involves getting dressed up. I prefer low-key, quieter activities, which I know is not in line with a lot of people my age."</p>
<p>I mentioned plenty of things that don’t involve drinking, getting dressed up or dancing.</p>
<p>Also, remember that it’s good not to restrict your friends to one age group. If you only have friends your age, if you live a long time, you’ll have no living friends! Even if that doesn’t happen, you’ll miss out on fun and experiences that one can have with people of all ages.</p>
<p>Becoming active in political parties and campaign, community theater, amateur sports teams, alumni organizations, taking classes and workshops – in community centers or community colleges or open universities – in things that interest you – starting or joining a book club, photography club or writers groups, going to lectures in subjects that interest you, volunteering with causes that you care about – all of these are wonderful ways to meet people who also have lots in common with you.</p>
<p>I did take note of those suggestions. I’m already really involved in ECs.</p>
<p>Not liking to drink a lot and liking to do quieter things will probably make you a happier adult than college student, anyway. </p>
<p>You might try asking someone out on a date. I think what I hear is that you are wanting intimacy. Maybe what you want is more of a partner type relationship these days, which is normal at your age, as well.</p>