<p>I think I made a post on Sunday where I fretted about not making friends, and everyone told me not to worry because I had only been there for two days, and that things would get better when classes started.
Well, classes have started and ended for this week, since it's Friday...
Here's the thing: Today, the only people that I've talked to in person are my economics teacher when I answered a question, and my CL when he made a joke while passing me in the hallway. I haven't uttered a whole sentence all day (except for when I was practicing my monologue for an audition that I'm now questioning attending- but mono is the key there). Granted, I've been texting several people all morning, but that isn't necessarily real communication- or at least, not communication that you can really get anything out of. On a normal day in high school, I talked in, well, every class, and I talked a lot. I took AP lit by myself last semester, and while I don't regret that decision at all, I felt the same way in that class as I do now. There's something eerie about being forced into a lonesome position for an extended period of time, you know? I think humans- even the most misanthropic ones (a category that I more or less include myself in)- need verbal interaction to survive. And that isn't to say I haven't had any decent conversations while I've been here; in fact, last night I had an absolutely wonderful conversation with a guy I met here.
Of course, he went home for the weekend, and maybe that's another thing that's bothering me- I just feel trapped here. When I'm in my dorm not talking to anyone, it's just absolutely unbearable. It really brings me down- a lot. I mean, I've made a few friends here, but aside from that one person I mentioned earlier, I don't feel like I can really talk to any of them; they're like friendships restricted to elevators and hallways. I'm actually pretty great at bringing shy people out of their shells, but when I'm around extroverted people, I retreat into my own. It's just hard for me to warm up to people, and when I've been alone all day, it kind of starts this vicious cycle where I have no energy to go make an attempt to talk to people or anything.
For example, tonight (in about two hours, actually...) there's a 24 hour play event that the theatre club is hosting where each group has a playwright, a director, and actors, and you have to write and mount a play in 24 hours. I was planning to go and be a playwright, but I honestly don't feel like going anywhere anymore right now- particularly somewhere with theatre people. They all seem very nice, but they're so outgoing, and I don't want to end up feeling alone or out of place- that's so much worse when you're in a room full of people, somehow.
I just...I don't really know how to explain how I feel. I like some of my classes, but I hate the way all the work is set up online. My roommate is always spending the night at her boyfriend's house, so I'm completely alone in our dorm at night and it just feels...wrong. I also feel like the student body is too large for me, and I just wonder if I went to the wrong school. I don't know. I'm sorry if I sound whiny. I really am, but I just hate being here so much.</p>
<p>My heart is breaking for you. My son just started his freshman year and I think he’s having some very similar feelings. I honestly think it will get better. I know you don’t want to hear this, but you have to give it time. You have to be comfortable with who you are and don’t be afraid of being judged for that. Many of the students there are going through the same thing you are. You don’t have to push yourself to be extroverted if you’re not, but just be open to situations without judging or being negative. You’re right, you may be at the wrong school, but I doubt it. Give yourself until Thanksgiving to decide that. I’ll bet anything by then, you’re happy. Good luck.</p>
<p>I felt the same way my first few weeks of college. But one day I saw a poster for a club that does a lot of community service work, and I told myself to go check it out. I found a few close friends, and they are a really amazing group of people that support me through tough times. Give it a little time, and things will fall into place, and you’ll see or attend something that will help you make the connections with people who will be your friends for life. That playwright thing sounds interesting, and it would definitely be a good start.</p>
<p>I hope I don’t sound too harsh, but college is not high school. It is not necessary to be outgoing and people don’t generally care whether or not you are an introvert or an extrovert. I am a senior and have a very small circle of friends that I have made over the years and who I hang out with on a regular basis. The rest of the time I just keep to myself and do my own thing. That is perfectly okay.</p>
<p>If it truly bothers you, then getting involved in an extracurricular activity is a sure way to meet people and make friends. It is an adjustment, but you will be okay. :)</p>
<p>Whenever my d felt that way at the beginning of her freshman year, I told her the first thing to do is to leave your room. Either go for a walk around campus,go to the gym, go to a club meeting that seems interesting and the 24 hour play thing is a great one. One of my d’s was involved in that at her university and it was always a great experience. There are always service organizations that can use an extra hand and it is a great way to meet people. Sometimes you can just grab a book you are reading for pleasure and head over to the student center and grab a couch and that can be fun. Check out any or all campus exhibits… in the student center, the library or any gallery spaces.
If you don’t feel well physically, make it an early night and get a good night’s sleep. Tomorrow is another day.
One of my d’s best friends now several years after graduation, she did not meet until junior year… so don’t be too quick to pass judgement on the people you’ve met already. Remember there are others that may feel as lonely and out of sorts as you are feeling too.</p>
<p>To be honest, I still feel like you just got there (even if classes have started). It takes time to develop friendships, where you feel like you can really talk to them about anything, and it takes time to meet new people and develop those friendships. You’re not going to spill your either heart during a conversation with a person that you met the other day. Most friendships start with idle chitchat (elevator or hallway talk) and become more meaningful as you get to know each other and spend more time together. Give it time. Spend more time with them (not just texting; actually go out and do something with them) and friendships will develop with time. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself or them.</p>
<p>Also, college classes are really not like high school classes. You don’t necessarily go into them and talk all of the time. In high school, you tend to have a lot of downtime to chat with friends, and you tend to know most of the people in your classes because you’ve been going to school with each other for a while and you see each other everyday. That’s really not how college is set up. You go to class to learn–be it a lecture, lab, or discussion section–not to chit chat about whatever you want. You don’t necessarily see the same people everyday in all of your classes, nor do you sit next to them all the time. You don’t have that sort of everyday contact with the same people that you did in high school, which is why you generally have to put more effort in college to have the experience that you want.</p>
<p>You’ve met some people–that’s great. Have you tried inviting them to eat or do something together? Perhaps, you could explore the surrounding area–try out a new restaurant, go see a movie, check out the mall, whatever. Invite people to study in the library or grab a cup of coffee or go grocery shopping for snacks and such. And if someone invites you to do something, say yes, even if you feel a little intimidated by their personalities or doing something new.</p>
<p>If you find being alone in your dorm unbearable, go out. You’re never going to make friends if you hole yourself up in your dorm, so just go out and be in public. Hang out in your dorm’s common room or in the student center. Study in a coffee shop or library, instead of your room. If you see other people hanging around your room, strike up a conversation with them or invite people to your room to hang out or watch a movie. Play a party game like Apples to Apples or Games Against Humanities or something–those were great ways to get to know people I’ve never met before =D</p>
<p>Definitely do not stop going to events or activities that you want to participate in. Don’t let the theater people intimidate you. It takes time for you to come out of your shell–that’s absolutely fine. But if you stop going all together, you’re never going to have time to come out of your shell. Hang out with them and say as much as you feel comfortable. Usually if you’re doing something together (like this 24hr thing), you have a built in topic of conversation, so you don’t have to worry about not knowing what to say. Great friendships can come out of a bunch of people trying to figure out something together =D I hope you did go, because it sounds like a great way to meet people.</p>
<p>It sounds to me like college just wasn’t what you thought it was going to be, and that’s okay. You aren’t doomed to be alone, just because you haven’t found the right people after a week of school. Stay involved, and keep putting yourself in situations where you can work with people or where you will see people (preferably the same people) frequently. Invite people to get something to eat afterwards or to go to some event on campus or anything really. If someone invites you to do something, say yes, go, and keep an open mind.</p>
<p>It’s always a great experience to move somewhere new, and finding a social group in a new location is something you may have to do in the future without the supports that college has. Consider this a learning experience, and make the most of it. It can be easy to be disheartened and to feel alone–but you really aren’t. Keep trying, and know that friendships take time. It’s rare to be instantaneous best friends with people when you first meet them.</p>
<p>Update: Well, I forced myself to go the 24 hour play festival. I felt really awkward and out of place at first, but I got put with a great group and ended up writing an awesome play. I really can’t describe how amazing it is to see something you’ve written come to life- especially if you have talented actors and a REALLY talented director (for real, he was awesome)- and a lot of older kids told me they were really impressed by my play and that they couldn’t believe I had the courage to playwright my freshman year. The guy who played God in my play (don’t even ask- it was a crazy script) was incidentally turning 21 yesterday (the day we performed our plays), and he invited me to his birthday party that night. Yes, there was drinking, but no, I didn’t drink and I still had a really fun time. Me and two other freshman dubbed ourselves “the clean crew” and kind of laughed at everybody that was really drunk. I found that I was finally really at ease with everybody (pretty much everyone there was a theatre kid), and everyone was really nice to me. I feel like I really fit in with the theatre crowd here, and I’m auditioning for Hamlet tomorrow (fjdksjfk;ldsj;lfj;ldjak), so I guess you just have to throw yourself out there. Thank you all for the advice!</p>
<p>Soon enough, everyone falls under their own niche.</p>
<p>Glad to hear it is working out for you!</p>