what is my chance with her?

<p>This girl used to have a huge crush on me when I was in high school. She peeked at me all the time and when I look up she would nervously look away. She eventually gathered up the guts to talk to me (and complimented me) but I brushed her off. I guess I was an arrogant jerk at the time but also because I was going to graduate soon and it's no point starting a high school relationship.</p>

<p>I thought it was no big deal until I saw her blog 2 years later and she wrote I caused her wrenching pain and her happiness is being affected, probably permanently. Wow. And she had a bf when she wrote this. BTW, she changed like 3 bf after I graduated. People were hitting on her back in high school but she rejected them when I was there and after I graduated I guess she accepted them.</p>

<p>Last week at a reunion, she saw me and immediately took a hiding. I don't know if it was too unexpected to see me or she is just nervous. I saw her (didn't make eye contact) and kept talking to the guy next to me. 5 seconds later I looked up and she was gone! Later she walked up behind and stood really close to me and talked to the guy I was talking to. I'm suspecting she's just trying to approach me. What do you think?</p>

<p>I want to hit on her now because she's pretty hot now. But she's got a bf now (different from the one she had when she wrote about me in her blog), and from what I heard, she likes her bf. But does her behavior at the reunion means I still have a chance?</p>

<p>Is it a really big deal when the girl you are trying to hit on have a bf? Thanks.</p>

<p>i'd say you definitely have a chance--she's probably not over you. worth a shot, anyway.</p>

<p>I think it's a bit pompous to hit on a girl who you know has a boyfriend.
You could at least wait until they break up.</p>

<p>
[quote]
I think it's a bit pompous to hit on a girl who you know has a boyfriend.
You could at least wait until they break up.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>That is not his problem. That is her problem and her boyfriend's problem.
All is fair in love and war.</p>

<p>maybe, but you think you WERE arrogant? "i want to hit on her cause she's pretty hot now" wow dude</p>

<p>My guess is that she will probably think about you for decades even if she gets married to someone else. First crush that she couldn't get. She sounds like she has a personality type that would be challenging over the long haul.</p>

<p>i'd call it a high match to a low reach (bc of the whole bf thing) but it isn't out of the question, especially if you're going for early action</p>

<p><a href="see%20what%20i%20did%20there?">size=1</a>[/size]</p>

<p>I actually revise what I previously said, why would you even think about it? If you are attracted to this girl say something, don't be a *****, because that's the last thing she needs. No offense, but you sound really immature, maybe work on that first?</p>

<p>Talk to her and stuff, but play hard to get. Next step, hit it and quit it.</p>

<p>^^^I c wut u done thar Jack</p>

<p>OP: Definitely talk to her and hint, just hint that you're into her but don't get too involved. This will pique her interest knowing that you're interested, but not enough to do much about it. The chase will drive her nuts.</p>

<p>We all know how this will go. People will come here and tell you that, because you said "i want to hit on her cause she's pretty hot now" that you are too shallow and a hypocrite and don't deserve her. Truth be told, all IS fair in love and war. You'll never know if you don't try to talk to her. However, if I was her I'd beat you to a pulp if you tried to get with me. Talk about being "jerky".</p>

<p>Thanks for the replies.</p>

<p>I will definately give her a try. But since I'm not even friends with her and we barely talked, I can't just call her up and start a conversation. Nor can I expect to meet her in person because there won't be any reunions or parties (ones she'll come) in a LONG time. The only way to contact her is through email or a message thru Facebook. This is tricky.</p>

<p>There are essentially two ways I can initialize the conversation with her:</p>

<ol>
<li>"Hey, I just saw you on my 'recommended friends' list (Facebook has that feature). I realize you've liked me a lot before and I wasn't too friendly at the time. Now I kinda feel bad about it and hope to apologize. Maybe we can be friends". </li>
</ol>

<p>This first approach makes her think I only noticed her thru Facebook and never thought much about her before. The cons of this approach is that it might hurt her self esteem (embarrass her by pointing out I know she had a crush on me) and backfires. She could tell me she doesn't like me anymore even if she does. Worse, it might imply to her that I'm trying to hit on her since I realize she liked me and is now trying to be friends with her. </p>

<ol>
<li>"Hey, I just saw you on my 'recommended friends' list. We were both in ***** class in high school. How's it going?"</li>
</ol>

<p>This second approach is very casual and friendly. Once I become friends with her, things will flow naturally. So it would be my preferred choice.</p>

<p>Overall, I think something like the 2nd approach is the best. What do you think?</p>

<p>Thanks</p>

<p>You COULD take the high road and forget about it. I mean, if she's apparently happily in a relationship you'll probably just get shot down anyway so possible outcomes include getting shot down or hooking up with some girl "because she's pretty hot now" that has a boyfriend and all the fun that that can bring.</p>

<p>If for whatever reason you decide to talk to her I guess #2 is the most honest. Well, #3 is the most honest (and most hilarious) but if you'd seriously send that message out please do it and post her response. #1 is both stupid and not entertaining.</p>

<p>You know what? Forget about what I said at the beginning. Go with #3 but slightly modify it. For example:</p>

<p>"Hey, we were both in ***** class in highschool. Everyone liked me so you must have but now you're hot so I'm sorry for not paying attention to you. Kind of. Had you been hotter back then I'd have paid attention to you for sure. I haven't changed but you lost weight so let's hook up some time."</p>

<p>See? Your intentions are clean and you don't make yourself vulnerable because you somehow get to appear to be more of a pompous ass than you actually are! Foolproof!</p>

<p>edit: Wait you made this thread too? <a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/577454-do-i-have-no-chance-her-now.html%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/577454-do-i-have-no-chance-her-now.html&lt;/a>
And this gem? <a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/349426-got-betrayed-friend-what-now.htm%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/349426-got-betrayed-friend-what-now.htm&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>I want to put you and the "life in a plywood box" girl in a room and see what happens.</p>

<p>Um, aihara, what about the fact that she has a boyfriend already don't you get? Not to be harsh, but it really infuriates me when people assume it's okay to make a move on someone who is already in a relationship. To be honest, if she really is interested in you, she will have the decency to break up with her current boyfriend before seeking you. If she really can't live without you, she will do whatever it takes to get you. You should show her boyfriend some respect by not scamming on his girl while she is with him. Also, if she clearly lets you know that she wants to be with you, be man enough and tell her to break up with her current boyfriend first. If she doesn't, she's just being greedy and needy. I know it's hard for you to resist her now that she's "pretty hot", but you need to think with your head right now instead of your hungry peen. I can guarantee you that if you go about this the wrong way, the entire situation will blow up in your face.</p>

<p>Adding to the confusion Sassy seems to think that aihara wants to be a relationship with this girl. Not at all. I'm sure he might cover himself with a "well if things work out..." but let's face it, on the exceptionally off chance that she actually IS still into you after all this time in her head she's deified you to the point where you could never hope to live up to the expectation she has for you. With you wanting to hook up with her because "she's pretty hot now" even someone with the... understated social graces of yourself has to understand that this is not going to end well, right?</p>

<p>Sassy, yes she has a bf that she supposed "likes". I would easily leave her alone if I'm sure she likes him more than me. Why would I hit on a girl that I don't have much chance with only to get my ego hurt. But people can "like" a lot of people. Nothing special. I, for one thing, is her first crush, love at first sight, and according to her blog, everything that meant to her at the time, and maybe now. Yes I've hurt her, but that doesn't mean she'll not think about me or stopping being attracted to me.</p>

<p>So I actually might be doing her a favor by hitting on her. I mean, giving her behavior at that party, it's hard not to think that's the case. I mean come on, she walking up behind me just trying to find a chance to talk to me after hiding when she first sees me because she didn't know how to compose herself? </p>

<p>I think I'm no worse than an coin flip in a race with her bf, maybe even a favorite. The question is: how to initialize the conversation with her without losing my dignity. Because I don't think she'll be contacting me anymore after what I've done to her (in high school, and at that reunion(that's a different story)).</p>

<p>And Chuy: People just do not stop become interested in someone that's constantly in their head for years that easily. Maybe I striked you as superficial by saying she's hotter now. What I really meant was I was kinda moved by her blog and the fact that her appearance is at least acceptable to me now, I want to give her a try. Because I feel it would be hard to find someone that likes me as much as she does. So I will still cherish her and treat her well. Don't think I'm trying to take advantage of her. And maybe I sounded over confident in my post, but I'm just stating the facts that happened. No need to attack me, please.</p>

<p>Where's Easy? I need Easy on this one.</p>

<p>Easy vanished months ago..</p>

<p>:(</p>

<p>edit: Okay, looks like Easy is gone. That's unfortunate. Let's do a point by point breakdown for old times sake though, without quote tags because I'm lazy. And please, if you could possibly answer my questions it'd either help you realize how things actually work or be hilarious. </p>

<p>"Sassy, yes she has a bf that she supposed "likes". I would easily leave her alone if I'm sure she likes him more than me."
Hmm. Who does she actually like more. The person that she apparently knows well enough to date and says she likes, or the person who she hasn't spoken to in years and who never really talked to her when they did kind of know each other? And if she does like someone who was a jerk to her and hasn't talked to her in years more than a person she's currently dating what does that say about the girl? (Hint: It's not that you're some amazing catch.)</p>

<p>"Why would I hit on a girl that I don't have much chance with only to get my ego hurt."</p>

<p>Interesting that the only two things you seem to be concerned about in this whole situation are getting laid and your ego. Not the girl or anything.</p>

<p>"But people can "like" a lot of people."</p>

<p>Yes, for example their boyfriends.</p>

<p>"Nothing special."</p>

<p>Oh dear.</p>

<p>"I, for one thing, is her first crush, love at first sight, and according to her blog, everything that meant to her at the time, and maybe now."</p>

<p>Rarely is an error in grammar so overshadowed by the general idiocy of a post that it takes a couple of "disbelief reads" before you actually catch it. You're talking about the ramblings of a just out of highschool emotionally unbalanced girl. In her blog. That you're giving that more weight than the fact that she's dating another person right now is nonsensical, and hopefully removed from the situation you'd realize the same thing. It was a highschool crush that she didn't quite get over partially because you're an idiot and partially because she's an idiot but it's in the past. Leave it there.</p>

<p>"Yes I've hurt her, but that doesn't mean she'll not think about me or stopping being attracted to me."</p>

<p>Something about blind squirrels and acorns comes to mind. You've in fact hit the nail on the head, albeit totally accidentally, with this one. Is it beginning to dawn on you yet that she is attracted to guys treating her badly? So the only way you've built up her being attracted to you at all is by being a jerk? And again, what does this say about the stability of the girl?</p>

<p>"So I actually might be doing her a favor by hitting on her."</p>

<p>Oh you knight in shining armor you! Rescuing the poor girl from a lifetime of not having probably drunken sex with you for a night before you get bored and ditch her! Honestly, how could she live otherwise.</p>

<p>"I mean, giving her behavior at that party, it's hard not to think that's the case. "</p>

<p>No. No it isn't.</p>

<p>"I mean come on, she walking up behind me just trying to find a chance to talk to me after hiding when she first sees me because she didn't know how to compose herself?"</p>

<p>While it's cute you've found someone as socially retarded as you are (in a different way) that isn't really a good foundation for hooking up with a girl when she has a boyfriend and your only interest in her is "she's pretty hot now."</p>

<p>"I think I'm no worse than an underdog in a race with her bf, maybe even a favorite."</p>

<p>So she's a race to you? Some sort of game? Well, yeah, but it's nice that you've just admitted that up front. Consider how she would feel if she read the things you are currently posting. If you're following instructions what you just did is called "empathy." Try it more often.</p>

<p>"The question is: how to initialize the conversation with her without losing my dignity."</p>

<p>No, the question is:how can one lose something which one does not have?</p>

<p>So here's the deal. You've got a grossly overinflated ego, poor social abilities, and a general ignorance of how your actions can effect those around you. I honestly think that it isn't that you don't care if you hurt others, you just don't understand the concept. So cool it with this girl and move on. If you're really so great that an emotionally stable (which this girl is not) girl would want you as bad as this girl does in your head (she doesn't) then I'm sure you're beating them off with a stick as opposed to what I just said but without the words "with a."</p>

<p>Editagain:
"
And Chuy: People just do not stop become interested in someone that's constantly in their head for years that easily."</p>

<p>The point is they shouldn't have that person constantly in their head anyway. You were in reality absolutely nothing to her because you never did anything but ignore her. Just another guy being a jerk to her that, thanks to probably daddy issues, she latched on to.</p>

<p>"Maybe I striked you as superficial by saying she's hotter now. What I really meant was I was kinda moved by her blog and the fact that her appearance is at least acceptable to me now, I want to give her a try."</p>

<p>So moved that you waited until she got hot to think about contacting her.
"Because I feel it would be hard to find someone that likes me as much as she does."</p>

<p>While I'm sure that's an ego boost (the last thing you need) again, consider WHY she likes you. It isn't because you're a good guy. Exact opposite. And WHY would you want someone that unbalanced around you?</p>

<p>"So I will still cherish her and treat her well. Don't think I'm trying to take advantage of her."</p>

<p>Here's the punchline. Guess what happens if you actually do that? She loses interest. Either because she only liked you for treating her badly or because even at your best you can't be as good as she's been imagining (going on the wild assumption that shes really been thinking about you this whole time) so she'll be disappointed. </p>

<p>"And maybe I sounded over confident in my post, but I'm just stating the facts that happened. No need to attack me, please."</p>

<p>I'm doing a service here.</p>

<p>Chuy, the fact that you've said...: </p>

<p>"Who does she actually like more. The person that she apparently knows well enough to date and says she likes, or the person who she hasn't spoken to in years and who never really talked to her when they did kind of know each other?"</p>

<p>...means you probably never heard of a concept called "chemistry" or "physical attraction". If "knowing someone well enough" is a key factor to "liking" someone, then I guess people would all date their friends from preschool. Oh wait, maybe you meant "like" as in friends.</p>

<p>All I know is the girl always peeked at me in school, and was extraordinarily unnatural when I'm around. And you know what, she used to compare my situation with her to a movie and described it as the "theme of her life". She also stated that just like a chick flick, she can be with me one day. Don't know if this bf she "likes" changes her thinking...</p>

<p>You said "And if she does like someone who was a jerk to her and hasn't talked to her in years more than a person she's currently dating what does that say about the girl" </p>

<p>I can say with 100% certainty that has happened because when she wrote in her blog, she was dating other people. What does that say about her? Her chemistry with me was too intense, maybe some mental issues on her part. But don't blame me.</p>