I’ll start! Turn your perspective from “I know best” to “You know best, but I have some thoughts based on MY experience…” Kids (at least mine) call to vent. They are upset, and want to vent. Resist the urge to solve. I learned to say “Wow. I see what you mean: that professor/roommate/housing person/etc sounds challenging.” Then, I consistently used my psychic energy to remind her of a time that something similar happened, and how she solved it effectively. If I have thoughts, I say “Well, you know best - I can tell you some ideas on what I would do, but I only know a small piece of the issue. Based on my experiences, I might consider A, B, or C, but you are much more knowledgeable about the intricacies of the situation. I believe that you will make the best choice.” When I present options, I typically mention my favorite solution, but also others that I have done in the past that likely are not the best fit but are plausible. Then, I DO NOT LAY AWAKE THINKING OF OTHER WAYS TO SOLVE IT!!! My wise friend told me that calling a kid in college the next day with a suggested plan of action is both annoying and breeds dependence. The next time I talk to her, I might ask “What did you end up doing about XYZ? I’m just curious what you decided… or did you decide to blow it off?” This “consultant parenting” has been critical for transitioning from my being responsible to her taking charge. It works so well that I immediately started the underpinnings with her much younger sister. How about you?
By the way, rent a VRBO for movein so you have more space, and pack the bedding in a garbage bag backwards (e.g. mattress pad on top, pillows at bottom) were also great advice. Also, those Samsonite Tote a Ton bags ROCK.
Here is the advice I wished someone would have given me.
Enjoy your last summer with your oldest. Life will be very different for you when he leaves.
I expected the empty nest feeling when #3 left, but #1 was supposed to be not such a big change. Nobody ever told me that he’s going to spend his summers interning away and won’t be around nearly as much as you thought or he thought he’d be. He’s grown up and will begin starting his own life. Cherish that last bit of time you have with him as a fully engaged member of your household. Enjoy watching him from afar, spreading his wings, and forgetting to call because other stuff occupies his thoughts.
Thank you for starting this! As my first begins to spread his wings, I value your advice 
@BrianBoiler , hear hear. There are so many things I wish I had known before my daughter went off to college. I really wish both she and I had read a thread like this: http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/2016222-to-those-who-feel-lonely-homesick-friendless-think-they-chose-the-wrong-school-etc-p1.html
As far as actual advice received before she went, a few good ones are to book Thanksgiving plane tickets well in advance, and to reserve a hotel room well before move-in or parents’ weekend. We paid a lot of money to stay at a pretty terrible hotel when we went to the first parents’ weekend. I would have rather spent the same money at a better hotel.
I found the Forbes magazine article “Guide To College Financial Aid, the FAFSA and CSS Profile” extremely helpful. It’s a great resource that explains in easy-to-understand language the essentials of how “need” for financial aid is calculated using the three most popular methods, and basic strategies for family financial planning to maximize need-based aid eligibility. I wish I had read this much earlier before our D was considering potential colleges to attend.
This will sound odd to many, but we AVOIDED Parent’s Weekends. We always went at an off time for our 4 kids, even at Harvard. We preferred the lack of crowds. My daughter had a DEC graduation, which was really lovely and so much more intimate. No regrets! Our kids liked it as well.,
We were told that our student would likely complain a lot. But these complaints would not likely define her experience. Rather she would need someone to express all the negative emotions of college, moving away, feeling overwhelmed, etc. This was solid advice as we did not feel like we had to put out every verbal fire that came our way. And, as it turned out, the college administrators who provided this information were correct. She was mostly having a good time. However, she saved up all her frustrations for our weekly phone call. Yay, parenting…
We were also told that it was okay to tell our daughter she could remain the introvert she always has been. Just because “everyone” is joining clubs and doing activities does not mean she has to. It took her a few months to warm but she eventually got there. Taking away the initial pressure seemed helpful as it removed the idea that she was “failing” at the college experience. Now she is in clubs and involved with activities but it occurred during her time frame.
We were given the book “Letting Go” which I very much recommend. It’s an excellent read.
I didn’t receive much advice; D1 is the oldest child on my side of the family, and I’m older than most of my coworkers, so their children are younger, too. I did get helpful advice from a few neighbors, particularly from one man who said that D1 would likely get good financial aid from private schools. This lit a lightbulb in my head, led me to be more interested in and less scared of the process, and proved to be true.
@fauxmaven did your daughter go to a school close to you? The reason I ask is I’ve heard not to go on Parents weekend more than once, but my son is going to be across the country, so I wonder if it’s better to go sooner rather than later. His birthday is in early November and was planning to go then, especially since we aren’t necessarily having him come home for Thanksgiving.
I went to Family Weekend last fall and it was interesting and unexpected to see how many of the freshmen seemed totally awkward and uncomfortable around their parents — which makes sense, I guess, since the kids are in most cases trying to reinvent themselves and figure out where they fit in on their new turf… my kid told me that she has heard that for the most part, only the freshman families take part in that weekend event. I don’t know if that’s true, but it did seem like every other parent I met there had a freshman kid. I have assured her that I can skip it in the future and instead, visit another weekend when she has a concert performance or something.
Learn how to use Snapchat. The less-responsive kid is more likely to respond to a funny pic of their dog or of you with a goofy filter than just a normal text.
I don’t remember getting advice, but what I will pass on is…as hard as it can be to let go, it can bring tremendous joy and astonishment to see this person you brought home in arms (well in an infant car seat) grow into an adult. The things my daughter has done and continues to do and experience as she goes through college amaze me. I am always looking forward to hearing about the next project or adventure.
Didn’t get these from others, but learned them:
If I had it to do over I would DEMAND that no living arrangement is acceptable other than a traditional dorm room with one roommate, a communal bathroom down the hall, and a full meal plan. So sick of hearing about apartment problems and sorority drama. They have the rest of their lives to learn how to cook & argue about who’s going to clean the bathroom. Focus on studying and fun, and nothing else.
Don’t give in to freshman-year calls requesting a transfer due to sadness, problems with friends, & excessive workload.
Supply kid with dozens of thank you notes and postage stamps, so there will be no excuses about not promptly thanking the professors who help them, relatives who send a birthday check, or other students’ parents who give them a ride home or take them out to eat.
We went to the first parents weekend for S1 and never went to another. We also never did one for D1 or D2. We just found it much easier to go a different weekend and spend our time with our child. We also live an hour away from their school so it’s easy to visit.
Bring less stuff than you think for the dorm room. You can easily order stuff later. Dorm rooms are small.
I second getting on Snapchat! If your kid is into keeping up streaks, you will hear from them every single day!
Follow the school, parent’s group, club, sport, Greek organization, service organization, etc your DC chooses to join to get glimpses into their new life via social media without having to ask. A great way to see them enjoying their college experience and great conversation starters when you are with them.
A friend told me about Bitmoji! My daughter and I send back and forth all the time.