What motivates you?

<p>Good evening, all! I haven't been on in a while because I've been overwhelmed. I am taking three dual-enrollment course at a university; I am self-studying AP Physics C: Mechanics; I am only in one extra curricular, though. It doesn't seem like a heavy load, but I don't know why everything is going terrible. </p>

<p>My classes are not hard, at all; however, I can't get myself to start my hw. I usually start my hw at 10pm and don't go till bed till 1-2 am (I always end up getting sidetracked, so it drags), then I wake up at 6:20 am to head to school. Sometimes, when I have multiple exams, I go up to 40 hours without sleep (as a matter of fact I had a midterm today, and I am currently going on 36 hours without sleep). </p>

<p>I don't want to blame my lack of sleep for my grades (because I man up to them), but I don't understand how I just failed one of my mid-terms terribly. It wasn't hard, I crammed everything the night before, but I did terrible, I remembered covering the material as I went through questions, but I was between two answers on the multiple choice. I remembered last year that I self-studied AP Psych and AP Biology (within two nights, before the AP exam) I managed to get a 5 on both, but I don't understand why that doesn't work on my university classes - where I actually am in class and the exam is easier. </p>

<p>I feel really unmotivated and easily sidetracked to keep trying. I don't get anything fruitful done; I am suppose to study for SAT II's and possibly try to bring SAT I up, but I haven't found the time for that. </p>

<p>So, I am asking college confidential advice on how to better manage myself and keep the ambition that has driven me before in the past.</p>

<p>Fear of the things people will say if I fail.
“You used to be so smart! What happened?”
That’s basically all it is for me. Being “smart” is, for better or worse, part of my identity, and I feel like getting a bad grade would pretty much invalidate all the work I’ve done.</p>

<p>For me, honestly, it’s being the one in my family to graduate high school and college. I’m doing it for my brother (who passed away 5 years ago), because he was unable to do it, but wanted to. (He wanted go to college. While he struggled in HS, he went back to school and got his diploma) I’m essentially doing it in honor of him. I’m also doing it for my little sisters. (I have 3sisters. My 2 other brothers: 1 dropped out of high school and the other got his GED) I want them to know that they can do it too.</p>