<p>JHS - loved your post, every bit.
With my 20 year old son, I don't consider it "hiding" if he doesn't share his sex life with me. I don't want to know.</p>
<p>I know way more about my kid's than my parents knew about me or my siblings. Sometimes I think that is how it should be. Today I overheard a mother telling her friend that her daughter has her first boyfriend. The daughter is 16. The boyfriend's mother and the girls mother have had lengthy discussions about whether the two have kissed yet. I think this is too much...there absolutely needs to be some room for them to grow on their own.</p>
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ITA. ~berurah</p>
<p>In fairness to everyone concerned, I should specify that (a) my brother was 21 and a college senior at the time, although living at home, (b) he had had a lot to drink, (c) he was very close to my mother, and (d) my mother told him not to use language like that and was a little nonplussed (but amused, too) at the overabundance of information.</p>
<p>In high school, I would say 75-80%. She was a straight over achieving type.</p>
<p>She always said that she was from a disfunctional family because she could communicate with her parents.</p>
<p>Now that she is away at college, she communicates what she wants to so I wouldn't hazard a guess, although she calls home regularly.</p>
<p>D did disclose when she was in HS that she had been hit by a car ("Just a bump") when she was in middle school...</p>
<p>My D tells me more than i could possibly want to know, and my S tells me less. So it all evens out.</p>
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I was one of four siblings. My mother was, at the time, an extremely popular high school teacher with guru-like status for a lot of kids, so she had a very accurate idea of the range of teenage behavior.
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<p>JHS--my H could have written that sentence word for word! ANd that scene with your brother might have been his brother. I think I may have married into your family.</p>
<p>I am always amused at the parents who write that everyone at their kid's college is drinking except their DS or DD. I guess those kids puking in the bathrooms on Friday nights are all orphans! I would guess that I know about 75% of the unimportant stuff (tests, grades, teacher complaints) and about10% of the stuff I want to know. My DD, who is a sophomore in hs, has never even mentioned that she thought a boy was cute, much less reveal that she might actually like someone. As has been mentioned, chatty friends are the best sources of info, especially when I am springing for lunch or dinner.</p>
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Actually, some kids really <em>don't</em> drink! My brother never drank then and still doesn't now at nearly 40, even though as a diplomat who works in foreign embassies abroad, he would likely benefit to some degree from being able to share a social drink once in awhile. </p>
<p>Attitudes like yours are the reason why I never smoked pot even once or participated in any other illegal drug usage. The attitude that EVERYONE would do it sooner or later made me a bit defiant! ;) ~berurah</p>
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I am always amused at the parents who write that everyone at their kid's college is drinking except their DS or DD.
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<p>I've never seen anyone write that.</p>
<p>My college freshman son is all about health and fitness (going on 4 years and counting). He watches everything he puts into his body. So no refined sugar, no white flour,low salt, no artificial junk and no....no alcohol.His HS friends respected him and learned not to taunt him and would jump on the fitness bus with him for a time.. His college friends are learning the same. Funny thing is as they, one by one, get caught, fined and written up for underage drinking he gains one more buddy on his runs and workout routines. At the rate this is happening they will have to get a bigger gym!</p>
<p>Very funny, JHS, garland. JHS, your mom sounds like a character! </p>
<p>We had a few grimmer situations in my front hall when I was growing up--including a parent with a boy in an alcohol induced coma. My brother had given him the liquor--siphoned off from my father's cabinet. </p>
<p>My parents got a postcard from one of my brothers that said: "Too many women, too little time." My boys appear to be monogomists (which has it's own problems) but I would croak if I got a postcard like that!</p>
<p>Substitute 'binge-drinking' and I've seen heaps of CC parents write something to that effect, idad. Heaps. How about you? Did you ever drink to the point of getting sick? Do you know if your daughter has?</p>
<p>I wanted to know 97% when they were 15, berurah, but I don't want to know 97% when they are 18 and 20. That would include too many intimate details! I just want the 'protection' facts, please--and it better be something with better protection rates than a condom, thanks.</p>
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<em>lol</em> I didn't say that was what I <em>WANTED</em> to know...only that it was what I <em>DO</em> know, courtesy of a big family and the assorted other conditions listed above. Trust me when I tell you that there are many times when I WISH I knew less....lots less! ;)</p>
<p>~b.</p>
<p>Depends on the student.</p>
<p>My daughter telephones every day and seems to tell me everything. She certainly tells me things I wouldn't have told my mom! I wouldn't mind if she told me a little less, as a matter of fact. Of my two, she was the one that was homeschooled and I think it brought us particularly close. I seem to be serving the function of "friend upon whom today's activities and thoughts can be downloaded."</p>
<p>My son rarely talks to me and volunteers next to nothing.</p>
<p>As I tell them, if only I could average the two of them ... :)</p>
<p>^DianeR--that's what I said, too. :)</p>
<p>And boy, do I not need to hear some of the things my D tells me!</p>
<p>And yet, now on those rare days she doesn't call, I wonder if something has happened.</p>
<p>It probably makes me too involved in her day-to-day business. But my hints that she really doesn't need to call so often haven't gotten anywhere. I thought it would calm down, but she's in her second year and nothing has changed.</p>
<p>It may be a female/male thing. How many guys just call each other and chit chat? I've noticed that the conversations D has with my husband are short and sweet.</p>
<p>Well, my D will be 24 next week. I might not hear from her for weeks at a time, or other times 3 times in 1 day. And I can never guess what I might hear when she does call.</p>
<p>Just to jump in w/a question for berurah (or anyone else whose got the 'hang-out house/good relationship w/the friends of your own kids' situation) if I might?</p>
<p>Any tips on helping w/the 'confiding culture' of kids & their friends? My son tells me some. I try to be pleasant & friendly to his friends (they are nice). </p>
<p>But, son seems to like to hang out at another friend's house (as do most of his friends). This is fine (nice family) but I'm wondering if there's anything I can do to make our place extra-receptive (at least some of the time)?</p>
<p>I do know there are 4 kids in the 'hang out house' family (so lots of girl siblings & their gfs around) plus some of those 'hang out friends' have known each other since elementary school.</p>
<p>Just looking for any general ideas. :-)</p>
<p>Good food #1! Private "play" area. Toys: ping pong or pool table, X Box, etc.</p>
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I'm wondering if there's anything I can do to make our place extra-receptive
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<p>Go away for the weekend and leave the liquor cabinet unlocked.</p>
<p>I'm laughing. wish I could hang out with berurah.
No one's child drank, but empty wine bottles appeared by magic.</p>
<p>JoSmith--my house was open to all. Kids had plenty of space, comfy sofas, food, almost no interference (I'd be home by 11-but left them alone). The kids knew where to find the extra sheets & pillows and always cleaned up after themselves. home made cookies helped</p>