<p>i don't know what to do anymore.</p>
<p>my mom passed away in 2009.</p>
<p>this year im going to college. and i feel more worried, that after i leave things will get worse. </p>
<p>my dad is a pushover and does not know how to discpline my brother, whos only 15 years old. he lies to my dad about where he goes, and comes home late. i feel like i'm the only who actually worries. and on top of that my brother hates me.</p>
<p>does anyone have any advise?</p>
<p>I am sorry you lost your mom. First, it isn’t your responsibility to raise your brother. It is your dads.</p>
<p>Does your father have siblings or did your mom? Are you close to any of your aunts and uncles? If so, can you share your concerns with them and perhaps they can bring it up with your father.</p>
<p>You can’t make your father parent. Perhaps there will be a situation that “wakes” him up, but there might not be.</p>
<p>Your job is to keep moving forward. When my friend was 12, her mother died. Her father fell apart and her older sister came home from college and never finished. To this day, my friend carries guilt about that.</p>
<p>Go to college and do well. Thrive. Enjoy. That is what your mom would want.</p>
<p>Can you speak to your guidance counselor and ask for his/her help? I think your Dad and brother are in need of social services.</p>
<p>OP - Now is the time that you must focus on building a life for yourself. This is not only best for you, it is best for your family in the long run. You will be better able to help your father and brother by becoming a strong independent person - go do what it takes to build a life for yourself. </p>
<p>Your father and brother can work on their relationship without you there to agonize over the ups and downs. You can’t do this work for them.</p>
<p>I understand a little of how you might be feeling, as I lost my mom in high school too. It was a long time ago, but I remember how difficult it was and how I felt as the oldest kid in my family. The good news is that it got better, and I had a really good experience in college. Is there someone you can talk to for support? Almost every college has a counseling center where you can talk to a professional for free, and this might be really helpful in giving you some support. You might want to give that a try. It could help you be in the best position to help both yourself and your family. Good luck to you.</p>
<p>Sorry about the loss of your mother.</p>
<p>As has been said, now is the time for you to become an adult and build YOUR life. That must be your first priority. </p>
<p>The loss of your mother must also be hard on your Dad. Don’t know the real situation you have at home but could it be that your Dad relied on you to keep track of your brother now that your Mom isn’t around. If so, now that your gone, your Dad may just step up and do it. I’ve seen many a time that someone didn’t show much responsibility until they didn’t have anyone else to lean on. Then, they took over and did a great job.</p>
<p>My advice; go to college and become the person YOU want to be. Step back and see how the situation with your brother and Dad works out. Your brother will have to learn to be responsible or HE will suffer the consequences. You can’t always bail him out even if you try.</p>
<p>Hi-- I just want to reiterate what has already been said. Go to college, let your Dad parent, forge a new relationship with your brother as the sister who is away. It is easy for him to “hate” you as the person who has been keeping tabs on him; it may have been easy for him to displace his anger on you just by being the most available person. But, now you will be able to chat with him by internet or text, letting him know you care and are there for him if he needs to talk. He may even want to visit… stranger things have happened. But, even if none of that happens, you can go on with your life and become the person YOU want to become.</p>
<p>I also want to express my sympathy for the loss of your mother. Please know that many counselors have training in grief/loss. Many people do not know this, or they feel that they must be in a grief crisis or have a new loss. In fact, we have touchpoints of grief throughout our lives when our loved ones are not there to share our milestones. We just miss them anew, so allow yourself any feelings of loss that you may have. Wishing you the best!</p>