<p>^ Exactly. All 18 year olds think that their relationship is "different" (just take a look at this forum's boyfriend threads) but it's not.</p>
<p>Still, I'm not going to tell you you'll break up, that it's stupid, that you'll never last. But from the high school to college relationships I know of, the successful ones were couples who allowed each other to experience their first year of college. Stay together, sure, go for it. But do you HAVE to live together? You can still see each other all the time, but you'll also have the opportunity to branch out and meet new people. If you want to move in together after a semester or a year, fine, but most people who have been through it agree that NOT living together at 18 is in the best interest of your relationship.</p>
<p>To answer your question, we are both 17 and w will both be 18 by the time college rolls around. Also, I'm ok with him going out late with the boys, as he already does. He doesn't really have a curfew and is basically responsible for himself (besides providing shelter) at the moment anyways.</p>
<p>I know my father loves me and I know his ideas aren't that absurd, but at the same time I know I am still "his little girl" and even if I can give him a decent reason to move in together, he may still be against the situation because i am his little girl. My father also has this habit of holding everything he gives me as a gift over my head. I have seriously considered giving back all of these "gifts" and taking care of myself before, but then vet school is long and expensive and it would be a lot easier to pay for if I didn't have to pay for a place to live. </p>
<p>And again Central Perky, we do not have to sneak around. Sex will be no more convenient for me in college than it will be in high school, with the exception that I won't have to go visit my bf, he'll already be with me. I'm also not saying my high school relationship is different than all other high school relationships. I know that several have lasted for long periods of time and those couples are now getting married. At the same time I know many that have broken up or ended badly. It is naive of you to all think that all high school relationships are the same however. I happen to think I have one of the stronger ones; actually, I've been slowly noticing that my boyfriend and I have a lot more trust and seem to handle situations a lot better than my parents relationship.</p>
<p>What really strikes me about this is the idea that an 18 yr old in her first semester of college would be acting as a building manager and landlord! </p>
<p>That's an awful lot of responsibility. Jumpergirl, having been a "landlord" at one point--we rented out a cottage on our property and then the house itself for a few years--you would be amazed at how seemingly pleasant and rational people can turn nasty and unpredictable. (Some people assume that landlord=enemy.) I've also shared dorm rooms and apartments with other people. Simple differences in expectations about cleaning--both parties well within the boundaries of normal to the outside viewer, mind you--can create major difficulties between roommates and apartment-mates, and when you throw in a monetary relationship, watch out. YOU are going to be the object of any resentments that might be directed at "the landlord," and YOU will have no escape because they are right there in the condo with you. Throw in a romantic relationship on top of that? Yikes. If I were you, I'd try to live in a dorm for the first year at least and forget the condo and the BF.</p>
<p>Secondly, think about what citygirlsmom says very seriously: are you trying to rescue or fix him? It sounds like he's a nice guy, and you are a caring and thoughtful girl. You can continue to be a supportive friend to him without living with him...without putting yourself in a place where there is no escape from forced intimacy without major unpleasantness. Think about the power relationship: sounds like you resent your dad to some degree because he holds the power of the purse over you. Do you think it would be good for your relationship with your BF if you can throw him out of his home if he displeases you because your daddy owns it? I don't think so.</p>
<p>Don't make your life more difficult. Simplify. Live in a dorm, attend to your studies, and have some uncomplicated fun. Be a freshman, not a caretaker--in both senses of the word.</p>
<p>I have to manage the condo, I'm being paid to do it and I need the money to feed myself, and it will be less time consuming than another job, so I can study more. That is why I'm trying to choose roommates that are people I've known for the past 4 years, friends of mine whose habits I know. In my opinion I think my bf will be a better roommate than some of the other people because I've already been telling him all the things I expect of a roommate and he seems to understand what he will have to do to make things run smoothly. I'm also making a point to not charge him any less than what he would have to pay somewhere else, so he doesn't have a financial need to live with me in case we break up.</p>
<p>oh, and deciding to live in a dorm would actually make my dad more angry than the idea of living with my bf, because he wouldn't have bought the condo if it wasn't for me, and when he was shopping for one, I picked it out and everything. He could have bought an investment property that would have doubled as a vacation home, but he chose to get me a place to live. If I don't use it he will be very angry.</p>
<p>Forget love for now, jumpergirl. It'll only complicate things. You're too young, your time will come later.
Just wait till you get to college, you'll see a larger pool of guys that might look more handsome and fun to be around with. Like Consolation said, have some uncomplicated fun, work on your transition from high school to college, work on your grades--because the choices you make now will affect your future.
Fine, try to convince your parents, but really, they're not trying to torture you. They're not trying to stifle your feelings. They know what's right and wrong(in most cases) and they've been through it.</p>
<p>Umm...I have to somewhat agree with Central Perky, the first thing that a romantic relationship leads to is sex(I'm sure most would agree, and I'm not saying that's what you're up to).</p>
<p>We do have sex, our relationship just isn't ALL about sex as most people make high school relationships out to be. Moving in together isn't just a way to make sex more convenient.</p>
<p>Why should I "forget love" though? I don't understand why people say this. Love makes me happy, and theres nothing I find to be more fun than being with my boyfriend (and riding horses). I want to bring that enjoyment to college with me. Also, why do I need to explore, why should I go find another guy if I'm content with the one I have now? He makes me happy, so why end something that definitely makes me happy for the possibility that something else might make me happy later on? This seems like a bad concept to me. For all of you parents who are married, did you decide when your finance proposed or vice versa "oh I better go explore and see if there's something better before I take this one?" This isn't shopping, so why should I go bargain hunting? I'm happy.</p>
<p>I don't want you guys to think I'm just being stubborn however. These are just all ideas and questions that I have already thought of on my own, and I'm just telling you the answers I came up with to my own questions.</p>
I don't want you guys to think I'm just being stubborn however.
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<p>I don't see how you aren't being stubborn.</p>
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I know my father loves me and I know his ideas aren't that absurd, but at the same time I know I am still "his little girl" and even if I can give him a decent reason to move in together, he may still be against the situation
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<p>Then apparently its not a decent reason.</p>
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I'm also not saying my high school relationship is different than all other high school relationships. I know that several have lasted for long periods of time and those couples are now getting married. At the same time I know many that have broken up or ended badly. It is naive of you to all think that all high school relationships are the same however. I happen to think I have one of the stronger ones; actually, I've been slowly noticing that my boyfriend and I have a lot more trust and seem to handle situations a lot better than my parents relationship.
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<p>So, remind me again, do you think your relationship is better than all other high school relationships? It certainly seems that way, and apparently you think yours is better than even your parents'. It is naive of you to think your relationship is so much stronger than many others when your aren't even a legal adult.</p>
<p>It's easy to say you deal with things better than your parents because you don't have kids, financial concerns, a home to maintain, etc. You sound like a child (you're only 17 after all).</p>
<p>You'll have your own single room at the condo, right? So your BF could stay over whenever you liked. (You have a lot more flexibility than you would if you liked in a dorm.) But if he had his own place elsewhere you'd both benefit by having a place to study, socialize with other friends, etc. You'll both be busy with lots of school work and new activities. It's unlikely that your schedules will mesh perfectly. Bear in mind that in the event of a breakup he'll really be in a bind finding a new place to live on short notice. </p>
<p>Most people find that they learn, grow and change a lot throughout the course of their college years. I hope you'll take advantage of the great opportunity before you to explore all kinds of things, have new experiences, meet interesting people (and I'm not just talking about dating other guys.) This is a time for both you and BF to gain independence, learn about yourselves and make your own way in the world. That's not to say that you should break up or won't last. But you might want to give a little thought to the possibility that you might be shortchanging both yourself and your boyfriend if you didn't both have some space to develop into your own people. What's the downside of him getting his own place, especially if you'll be very nearby and can see each other and stay over as often as you like? Just my two cents.</p>
<p>I hate that "only 17" phrase. Exactly at what point will I be considered an adult? I know I'm not an adult yet, but I am also not a naive little girl. May parents have no communication skills and the only reason they understand one another and end up not fighting as much as they would is because I mediate. Since I was 10 years old I have been their marriage counselor and you think I know nothing about relationships. </p>
<p>I'm being stubborn in a way that I disagree with you and try to prove my point against each of your arguments. I like to debate, especially when it's something I am passionate about. So I guess you could call me stubborn, but it's not like I haven't thought about my reasoning. </p>
<p>Also, I haven't talked to my dad about it yet, so I don't know what he will or will not consider a good reason.</p>
<p>I do believe my high school relationship is in the top 20% of high school relationships. It's not the best, but it's better than most. I'm sorry if you think it's naive of me to believe that a teenager can have a healthier relationship than an adult.</p>
<p>Thanks MD_Mom, I agree. It won't be the end of the world if my dad says no, it may even end up working slightly better. I'm still gonna try, but if he does I know everything will work out fine and I will ask him again in another year (he might think I'll be more ready for it then, and I will have those experiences under my belt). The only thing that I'm worried about is how to tell my boyfriend it's not going to work the way we'd planned...</p>
<p>So dad BUYS you a condo, PAYS you to manage it, and still its not enough</p>
<p>This is gonna be interesting- why don't you just get married- what is stopping you from doing that, if its such a strong relationship and you want to live together....</p>
<p>I would suggest that your boyfriend get a separate apartment for a few reasons. First, I won't tell you that you will probably break up - odds are that you will - but there are always those few that defy the odds and do stay together and do in fact have a life long happy marriage. I know my best friend married her HS sweetheart. She did go away to school and he remained at home - and they did manage to make it work and this is before the days of cell phones, e-mails, etc. My sister in law got married at 19 and is still happily married to him today. Another friend's daughter went to the same college as her HS boyfriend and they are still together 3+ years after graduating. And even though they attended the same school, they did not live together while in college. </p>
<p>I do, however, think it's important for both of you to have your own space. You are going away to college and you may really welcome having your own space to study. You may want to sleep late or go to bed early, etc. At least give yourselves a year of living separately before moving in together. My husband and I dated for three years before we married. We lived about 45 minutes apart so he would usually spend Thursday - Monday am at my apartment. As much as I enjoyed being with him, I really looked forward to that alone time and wondered when we did finally live together when he was going to go home!</p>
<p>So for a few reasons, I would say have him get his own place. You can both hang out at each other's apartments. I would also be upfront with potential room mates telling them that you do have a boyfriend and he will be spending some nights at your place and you at his - make sure they are comfortable with this before they move in. </p>
<p>Your parents are wonderful to buy a condo for you to live in and I hope you are grateful for this. Also, realize that your parents love you and want to see you happy and worry that being involved so young that it may not work out or that you may not get as involved in college, etc. </p>
<p>It seems the reason why you want to do this is because you guys just want to bang around. Well, I can't tell you not to do this, and you state that you know the risks.</p>
<p>Remember, as long as you stay in the kitchen at appropriate times, and make him happy, you guys shouldn't break up. I may have offended you, but that's what I got out of your long essay.</p>
<p>jumpergirl, I think you're taking a lot of flak here because you are young, and you are naive - but you have no idea. You're not considered an adult because you're not really acting like one - you want to live with your boyfriend at 18, and you don't care what anyone else has to say about it. There are many valid arguments against that, and saying "oh, that won't happen to us" isn't a valid response. The likelihood that you will stay with your boyfriend is very, very slim. Possible, but slim. That doesn't mean your relationship isn't great or successful or healthy RIGHT NOW. Things change, people change, and your relationship will change.</p>
<p>If you do break up, keep in mind that he will NOT be "out by morning" so to speak. Finding another place to live in the middle of a semester at school when most rooms have already been rented for a reasonable price close to what he was paying you will be difficult. You will likely have to endure several awkward post-breakup weeks where he is still living with you, but may very well be bringing home other girls, you might bring home other guys, etc.</p>
<p>Your dad doesn't HAVE to let you live with your boyfriend. I think your dad realizes that it's probably unhealthy for your relationship and for you at this point, and is trying to protect you. Why not just live separately, at least for the first semester. College will change you. Your habits will change. Your quirks may change. You'll be different than you are now. Why not figure all that messy stuff out first before further complicating your life?</p>
<p>I think that going away to college and surrounding yourself with people whom you already know--which is what you say you intend to do--is a recipe for missing out on a significant part of the college experience. Why on earth did your dad buy a condo instead of paying for you to live in a dorm as a freshman? Are you going to a commuter school? I've certainly known people who bought a house to use in this way, but in those cases the kids were graduate students with at least four years of independent living under their belts.</p>
<p>Regarding your statement that you were providing "marriage counseling" to your parents at age 10...if that's the way you felt, I suggest that the mindset of caretaking I speculated about earlier is a reality. And it sounds like you've found a boyfriend who fits in perfectly with that.</p>
<p>By the way, on the "shopping" thing: presumably people have done their "shopping" BEFORE committing themselves to another person for life, producing kids, and so forth. Although there are exceptions, the likelihood that you have experienced enough to commit yourself to someone permanently at age 17 is virtually nil....despite what one might read in romantic novels. </p>
<p>But what we have here is the classic situation, where any opposition to an adolescent relationship produces the Romeo and Juliet syndrome, and is therefore instantly counterproductive.</p>
<p>My advice, if you insist on going forward with this condo scheme, is that your boyfriend live elsewhere. He can stay with you--and vice versa, if he has his own room--as much as you both want, but each of you will have the ability to get away when needed and the pressure on your relationship will be less. And you will need to establish very clear expectations about a rota of household chores, sharing utilities, and paying for household supplies in the condo.</p>