What to do about boyfriend and going to college

<p>Think about it. Your parents are not acting this way to make your life miserable. They're trying to make your college experience as enjoyable as it can be. They know more about life than you do, so accept it and move on!</p>

<p>EVERYONE IS MISSING THE FACT THAT THERE WILL BE OTHER ROOMMATES! as the OP said these other roommates will more than likely be female... what are you going to do when your boyfriend and your other female roommate are at the condo and you're out? that seems like a bad position to leave a 17 soon to be 18 year old guy in... not a wise thing to do especially if you guys drink/party... just saying. </p>

<p>anyways i think some people on here are being a little to harsh. at the same time, OP, you posted and this is what you get. a sign of maturity is being able to respect the opinions of those who disagree with you. the way you phrased the post talking about how you know what everyone will say and don't want to hear it isn't really the best way to convince people you are able to handle a serious relationship at 17/18.</p>

<p>living without your boyfriend for at least a semester seems like a good idea. (sorry if this has already been said... didn't feel like reading everything.) </p>

<p>it would at least give your father some time to adjust... his daughter is going away to college AND has her own condo AND wants to live with her boyfriend of 6 months? he's probably overwhelmed.</p>

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I hate that "only 17" phrase. Exactly at what point will I be considered an adult? I know I'm not an adult yet, but I am also not a naive little girl.

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<p>You are certainly not an adult right now, not even legally. Once you start paying for your own condo, are no longer dependent on tuition payments from your parents, are financially independent, and mature emotionally, then I'll call you an adult.</p>

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May parents have no communication skills and the only reason they understand one another and end up not fighting as much as they would is because I mediate. Since I was 10 years old I have been their marriage counselor and you think I know nothing about relationships.

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<p>If indeed it is true that you were your parents' marriage counselor at the age of 10, that does not imply that you know something about relationships. It implies that your parents' marriage is so desperate and pathetic that they need a ten year old to pull it together. I'm sure that's not the case.</p>

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I'm being stubborn in a way that I disagree with you and try to prove my point against each of your arguments. I like to debate, especially when it's something I am passionate about. So I guess you could call me stubborn, but it's not like I haven't thought about my reasoning.

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<p>Well, being stubborn does not mean that you don't have your own reasoning. Being stubborn means you are unwilling to listen to others and at the very least be willing to accept their positions.</p>

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Also, I haven't talked to my dad about it yet, so I don't know what he will or will not consider a good reason.

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<p>Communication is key. Talk to him. Now, while you have time.</p>

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I do believe my high school relationship is in the top 20% of high school relationships. It's not the best, but it's better than most.

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<p>Everyone believes this, but clearly 80% of them are wrong.</p>

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I'm sorry if you think it's naive of me to believe that a teenager can have a healthier relationship than an adult.

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<p>I'm sure its not entirely impossible, but unless both you're relationship and you're parents' marriage are at the very ends of the bell curve, then the answer is no, your wrong. If your parents are still married after all this time, and if your dad doesn't physically abuse your mom, or something like that, then I'm willing to bet that your parents marriage is healthier than your relationship. If you won't listen to me, go say that to your parents and see how they respond.</p>

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The only thing that I'm worried about is how to tell my boyfriend it's not going to work the way we'd planned...

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<p>Well, just tell him straight out. If he accepts it, then great. If he doesn't and complains, well tell him to grow up. Fear of informing others should never be a reason to do or not do something.</p>

<p>As another 17 year old, I think the solution for this problem is very obvious</p>

<p>Live separately for the first semester/year. if you guys are still together after that, I think moving in together would be a great step forward in your relationship. you will at least admit that college does break up most couples, but if you are able to overcome the odds and stay together, go for it!</p>

<p>besides, if he lives closeby you can still spend the night together. sure it may be a pain in the @ss, but if you two really love each other this much, it shouldn't be a problem</p>

<p>about your boyfriend being sad- tell him to deal! i'm sure you know your dad was great to buy you a condo, so if you're boyfriend doesn't respect your dad's wishes he may not respect you in the way you deserve</p>

<p>good luck and congrats on having such a great relationship</p>

<p>Thanks all of you for your input. It has been helpful. I will be telling my dad about my plans as soon as the university I'm planning to go to issues its acceptance letters. This is the only reason I haven't told my dad yet. I'm waiting until everything is 100%, because my mother asked me to wait.</p>

<p>Back to the comment about my parent's relationship however, they have a bad relationship in which my father verbally abuses me as well as my mother, although he doesn't realize this. </p>

<p>At this point I won't mind either way if my dad says yes or no, as long as after a year of college we can move in together. My father is very nice for buying me the condo. I agree with you on that. The only issue is that he bought it partially to hold it over my head and manipulate me, the same way he did with riding horses, etc. I have to admit to all of you parents, a great way to control your kids is to buy them things and then take it away, especially a horse.</p>

<p>Also, as far as the "why don't you get married" comment, he proposed to me and I said yes, but we agreed we won't get married until after i finish grad school. So, maybe we will be one of those couples that lasts, maybe one day down the road I'll throw the ring at his head (or maybe I'll keep it :-) ). I really hope its the first, and there's nothing wrong with hoping!</p>

<p>^Ring? So you are "officially" engaged?</p>

<p>the plot thickens as it were</p>

<p>Have you told your daddy you are engaged?</p>

<p>and if you don't want youd dad to manipulate you with the condo, than follow his rules or move out...simple</p>

<p>I'm not sure if anyone has brought this up yet, but what would happen if you guys did break up and he moved out? How would that portion of the rent be covered?</p>

<p>Also, it might be harder for you to find roommates with a guy living in your house.... a lot of girls just wouldn't be comfortable with that.</p>

<p>I never said is was going to be all girls. I have 4 people who are interested in renting the two available rooms, two are girls and two are guys, and they're all comfortable with living with the opposite sex. I might have a problem if i need to find a new renter the second year or something though, but however it works out there are two bathrooms and one will be for guys and one for girls, unless all the renters end up being girls. Besides that everyone has their own room so there shouldn't be too much to worry about concerning personal space. My dad doesn't mind guys living there either.</p>

<p>Also, if my bf/fiance (have to get used to that) were to rent with me, I haven't decided if he will have his own room or if he'll just be the 4th person. That choice is up to my father, on the off chance he says yes. If he's just the 4th person and he shares a room with me, then if he were to move out my dad would just be making the same amount of money off the place that he originally planned to make, instead of the extra my bf was providing.</p>

<p>if it's a three bedroom condo, in all honesty he could sleep with you there without your parents knowing, even if that's not his permanant residence. (while renting the other two bedrooms out to other people) It might be the youth in me talking, but I don't see anything wrong with experiencing living with someone. I don't think it has to do with sex, like some have said. That all being said, I don't think you can do anything about him officially renting a room if your father owns it and says no. But keep in mind even if he lives somewhere else, he can still crash for the night pretty much anytime.</p>

<p>Not that fiance means anything different than boyfriend in your case, especially considering that "after grad school" is a ways a way from now and that you're still basically dating.</p>

<p>Your naivety is sickening and embarrassing. You really need to experience more of life. This whole "engagement" thing is laughable.</p>

<p>Central Perky, you are very entertaining. And everyone offended by central perky, you are equally entertaining. Thank you all for this dramatic post. It makes me laugh.</p>

<p>I wonder what happened to her and her boyfriend…</p>