<p>My son, a freshman, has been in contact with one of his 3 roommates over the break and has shared with me that roommate doesn’t want to go back for spring semester. My son didn’t know any of his roommates prior to fall semester (went with luck of the draw), but thankfully it has been a great situation and they’ve become good friends. We met the parents of 2of 3 roommates during move in and we have occasionally emailed each other (room related stuff mostly). So, my questions are: (1) is it NORMAL to have those feelings after first semester? (hesitant, reluctant to go back) and (2) should I share what my son has told me with roommates parents? (my son got the feeling that roommate has not shared this with his family)</p>
<p>they are gonna find out pretty soon!</p>
<p>ugh.</p>
<p>maybe get your son to talk to him again and find out if the other boy has told his parents.</p>
<p>unless there are some serious problems, i don’t think this will be ok with the parents.</p>
<p>Is it “normal” to have these feelings? No, it’s not.</p>
<p>however, these are 18 year olds. Often things like depression and anxiety issues surface around this age. I have NO IDEA if that’s the case with this student, but it does happen. </p>
<p>Or, it could be that he’s home sick or he’s “lost” as to what he wants to pursue in college. Instead of “dropping out,” he should request a “leave of absence” so that he’ll have 6+ months to decide, get treatment (if needed), etc.</p>
<p>Ask your son to gently suggest requesting a “leave of absence” to give him time to work thru his issues.</p>
<p>As the parent, I’d want to know. I also wouldn’t flat out tell them yourself, especially via email. I’d probably send an email to the parent stating that in a recent conversation with your son, your son made some remarks that suggested these parents have a serious talk with their son ASAP. Considering this may be the last day that UA is open before this student is scheduled to return, I’d send the email now. If you don’t want them to know it’s from you, you could use a service such as 10 minute mail (although I wouldn’t choose to do that, I can understand how you might not want to put yourself in the middle of it).</p>
<p>My son also did not know any of his roomates prior to fall semester. They are a very diverse group and haven’t developed strong friendships, but they have gotten along.</p>
<p>He told me that one of his roommates was transferring out of UA to Miami of Ohio (he’s from Ohio). So after the student’s first semester, he has already successfully transferred and there will be an empty room in my son’s suite after he returns from break.</p>
<p>It doesn’t seem that a semester is really long enough for these students to have given it a chance to see if they will find their place, I know back when I was in college it took me a full year to adjust and now I look back on my college years as one of the best experiences I’ve had.</p>
<p>But I would also hate to see anyone truly unhappy with where they are and deep down these students know if they’ve already made up their minds to ‘give up’.</p>
<p>As for your son’s roommate: being back home and seeing family and friends and being around everything that was familiar to him probably made him realize how much he missed it there. It is possible that once he gets back to campus and gets back into the swing of things that he’ll readjust. Especially if he was invovled in a lot of activities that he enjoyed. But it’s possible that now that he’s realized how much he missed home that he’s not going to be able to be happy back at school. I’d just say to have your son talk to him and tell him that if he REALLY doesn’t want to go back that he needs to discuss it with his family, but that he’ll be missed if he does make that decision.</p>
<p>It sounds like this thread could use some great advice from Malanai. I’ll pay the consulting fee!</p>
<p>This is a pickle, no doubt.
I would not share this info w/ the parents because it is not your place to do so - it is the responsibility of the student concerned.
If you feel the need to become involved, call this family (do NOT write!), then you might open up a conversation with the parent about things in general, and try to steer the conversation to more relevant issues. Emails and written communication in general have the huge potential to be misinterpreted.
Your son could possibly do the best thing, which is to call (again, do not write/text) this student and talk with him personally about his worries. Your son could suggest to this student that his parents would need to know about the seriousness of the situation before the weekend. This will either escalate the issue in the proper way (via the student) or it will dissolve (i.e., the problem wasn’t a problem afterall).</p>
<p>i would stay out of it…perhaps your son can talk/email with him. but imo not your place… his parents will find out soon enough…and the decision will be difficult…wouldnt want to add the “everyone else knew about this and you wouldnt tell me… i had to hear it from your roomates mother!” to that discussion</p>
<p>always threads on cc about kids transferring or wanting to transfer, its not that uncommon</p>
<p>Is it possible this boy did poorly academically, his parents are pulling him out and he’s saving face by telling your son his doesn’t want to return?</p>
<p>It is a tough call. I’d be upset if I found out something was going on from another parent but I probably wouldn’t give it another thought because I’d be focusing on the fact my son hated school and was refusing to return.</p>
<p>I would def not contact the roommates parents, this doesn’t sound like a life or death issue. You can offer to act as a sounding board via your son. Alternate fall out might be that your son doesn’t trust making any comments again.</p>
<p>“Doesn’t want to go back”</p>
<p>or </p>
<p>“Is not planning to go back”</p>
<p>Those are two different things to me out of a teens mouth. </p>
<p>I asked my son if he was looking forward to returning to UA just yesterday, and I had a resounding yes from him. It actually suprised me a little, because he has really been enjoying being at home and hanging out with his friends. I was expecting him to be a little sad to leave, and would not have been surprised if he was. I do not think it would have kept him from leaving, even if he was sad to leave, though. </p>
<p>He does not have a girlfriend at home (or at school), so that may be another reason why he does not feel as strong of a pull to want to stay here.</p>
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<p>Oftentimes it’s easy to identify what we don’t want, but much more difficult to figure out what we do want. We know that the roommate doesn’t want to return to 'Bama for spring semester, but what alternative course of action does he wish to pursue? </p>
<p>That’s the conversation he needs to be having. The question is: with whom? </p>
<p>There are any number of resources he might be able to choose from–his parents, peers, an adult mentor, a professional counselor, etc. Barring an impending health/safety crisis that’s significantly impairing the student’s ability to cope/function (e.g. suicide threat, major depression), I wouldn’t recommend doing an end run and informing his parents. Instead I would encourage your son, Lovemy3guys, to encourage his roommate to identify and keep talking to those he perceives as helpful… and to allow his problem-solving process to run its natural course. If the roommate consents to counseling, your son could offer to accompany him to an initial visit at UA’s fine Counseling Center.</p>
<p>It’s understandable to feel an urge to jump in and quickly rescue those in distress, but it’s often counterproductive. Distress is frequently the motivating force that leads one to make healthy change. That said, if your assessment is that his distress has reached a level that is crippling, I’d suggest initiating an adult intervention.</p>
<p>Do we want all want our students to love their experience at the University of Alabama, yes indeed. Does it always happen? Of course not. There are many reasons why a student may be unhappy and wish to return home or stay home and homesickness is just one of the reasons. Sometimes students hear about other colleges during the break and wish that they had gone to that college instead, or there might be a girlfriend issue, or even a personal reason. Kids that age can easily become overwhelmed even if they are doing well academically. </p>
<p>His parents are going to find out in short order that he doesn’t want to return, and the best option would be to try and salvage this situation by contacting the university immediately, especially if there is scholarship money involved. </p>
<p>I do know of a particular student who felt like they had missed the boat by coming to UA instead of to a UC, they left after one semester and returned home. However, after missing the deadlines to transfer and having to work six months at a menial job, they returned the following semester and that student is now doing well. It was not an academic issue that caused them to leave. Sometimes it takes time for a student to adjust and sometimes the grass just looks greener on the other side. The student was able to take a leave of absence. Since that student would not have been able to afford school without the scholarship, I believe that the scholarship was reinstated. As I said, it was not an academic or performance issue. </p>
<p>Lovemy3guys: I wish your son’s roommate the best of luck in whatever decision he makes.</p>
<p>Interestingly, my son also has a roommate who is transferring to another school, presumably to pursue Lacrosse.</p>
<p>I would definitely NOT tell the parents, this is a family thing and there may be many reasons why he feels this way, which his parents may already be aware of. Not everyone is a good fit at UA (or any college) socially, academically, financially… many many reasons to want to stay or want to leave :)</p>