S is a freshman living on campus. We are 200 miles away.
His roommate, a sophomore, is off. He literally hid under a blanket during move in so as not to have to speak to us. He cries to himself in the room. He tends to stay out all night every night.
Roomie’s mom has texted S that she is worried about her son and asking S if he is okay, if he going to class. She showed up one day, from 3 hours away, because he wasn’t responding and they were so worried. He told S that he “almost didn’t make it last semester.”
He has been missing since Wednesday. His wallet, laptop and backpack are in their room. No one has seen him. He hasn’t been to class. He isn’t answering his texts or calls from S.
Yes, S has alerted he RA. S is also spending the weekend at his gf’s room because he says he is certain the roommate either has or plans suicide given his general demeanor and the way he talks. And S doesn’t feel safe in their room.
I don’t have experience with such issues. Here’s what I suggest: It’s a good idea that your S is staying in his GF’s room. I think you should contact the roommate’s mom to tell her what you’ve said above. Also contact the dean of students’ office.
Agree with Pizzagirl. This needs to escalate beyond the RA to the Office of Student Life and/or campus security and/or the local police immediately. It’s not your son’s responsibility to look out for this student, but it is his to escalate right now (don’t wait all weekend!) as he can provide the corroborating testimony of his roommate being missing for 48 hours. After that, the school/local authorities and the roommate’s parents need to deal with it. If it’s after office hours, the residence life staff will have protocols in place for emergencies after hours–escalate immediately!
No question, call the police, the kid needs help and all you can do is turn it over to people that can help him - his parents, the police, the school police. asap. That is terrifying.
Yes, call campus police and residence life. Your son should also be able to get some type of safe harbor living situation. Call roommates mother. Yes, this is way above roommate pay grade.
S just confirmed that the RA notified student services. I had him give them the mom’s cell number. They said they will handle it from here. He did let RA know he will be at gf’s for the weekend. And roomie still hasn’t responded to any of the calls or texts.
One of my kids had a roommate who went missing and was later found dead a few days later. (This was the year after living with my kid, not the year in which they lived together.). PLEASE call authorities.
I distinctly remember seeing on TV that “a student at xx was reported missing” because of course for a brief moment I was terrified it was my kid - and having my heart in my throat when I saw the picture flash up and I recognized the face.
I find this incredibly sad and disturbing. Would love to hear the student is found and safe. It is awful when these young people need help and feel so alone. Brutal. Not sure why he was back if he was so miserable last year. Parents, hug your kids! I hope he is ok.
@Texasmomof3 - So sorry to hear your son is going through this with his roommate. He did the right thing by telling the RA and then following up again.
Regardless of how this current situation turns out with the roommate AWOL for a couple days, I do think your son should look into another rooming situation. I feel badly for his roommate but to me this is too much for the average freshman to deal with - worrying about his roommate, having the mom call with her concerns, etc. I’m sorry if it sounds callous but it sounds to me like trained personnel should be dealing with handling it. I’m sure its emotionally draining for your son. It’s not what people sign up for when they agree to a roommate.
Please let us know how things turn out. Sending best wishes to you, your son, and his roommate for a happy outcome.
I would still contact the police. Knowing colleges seem to want to smooth things over I would not trust the message to filter down to the authorities. I feel it’s about doing the right thing not about it being his responsibility. He’s going to feel terrible if the school doesn’t notify the authorities.
Your son really does need to request a room change. It’s ridiculous that he is in this position.
Sorry for your son. But assure him that he did everything right and it is now out of his hands. If his roommate does come back, your S should talk to his RA and ResLife about an immediate room change. IMO it was wrong of ResLife to put a freshman with a troubled sophomore – you might want to contact ResLife yourself and make that point and insist that your S be taken care of.
I do hope that the roommate is found soon and safe and that he leaves school to get the intensive help he appears to need.
I think he should notify the police too. Did he try calling the mom to see if he went home? If he has his phone, maybe he called his parents to come get him.
Isn’t it flooding in Texas right now? I’d definitely contact the authorities and the parents. I can’t imagine having my child be missing and not even be given the opportunity to do something.
Agree. There are so many ways to get through college - local university or state school, community college, taking online courses. If a child is struggling to the point where he is hiding under the covers in his room, he should be in closer proximity to home or simply commuting like so many students do. There is no need for a student to get to this point.
The roommate has immigrant parents with certain expectations for him, including this school and this major for this son. I am sure that his why he came back.
About half the classes on campus today were cancelled due to weather. That is when S realized he hadn’t seen the roommate since Tuesday. He asked their hall mates who hadn’t seen him either. He texted and called and the boy still hasn’t answered as of now.
That is when S got concerned and started looking more closely at their room. He says the roommate never leaves without his backpack and laptop. But both are in the room. And roommate’s wallet is still there. Toothbrush is dry and roommates’s towel on the back of their door is bone dry, as if no shower in the last day.
Roommate never had any friends over to the room, so S didn’t know anyone else to check with.
They are in the middle of mid terms right now so S assumed the roommate pulled an allnighter studying and that is why he hadn’t seen him. But then he realized who studies without books, backpack, notes, laptop.
S is terrified that something has happened and if he realized it sooner he might have been able to do something. I just hope the kid turns up safety. And I want S to get new housing.
He doesn’t have a car. But his parents could have picked him up. It is unlikely he went home voluntarily without his laptop or wallet. The kid plays video games all night most nights. S says he has never left without taking the laptop, as he takes it to class, to the library, etc. he probable plays 12 hours a day. S’s estimate.
They also both recently discussed that neither was planning to go home again before thanksgiving but obviously that could have changed.
If he did go home mid week (he definitely was gone before today – classes were cancelled due to weather and S was there all day), for whatever reason he never did respond to S or the RA. Im very worried about him.
I did tell S not to call the parents and let the RA handle that. S has been a somewhat sheltered kid and has no life experience to deal with this situation. Plus there is a language barrier with the mom; S can’t understand her accent on the phone anyway.
