@thumper1 - you hit the nail on the head…we “can” afford to pay…that is, assuming we also do a HELOC/Cash-Out Refinance and “tighten” the budget belt so to speak. DH does not seem to want to do this…that is my quandary.
This isn’t going to be what you want to hear.
We flatly refused to mortgage our home to send our kids to college…which is basically what a HELOC does. Refinancing does too. So…I understand where your husband is coming from.
Is there NO college in all of Virginia where your kids could attend college for less money?
Before you get too enamored of the notion of using a HELOC to pay for college, ask around for parents in your neighborhood whose kids were in college ten years ago. The housing crash disrupted the plans of a whole lot of DMV families. Right now the market appears to be in recovery, but there is no guarantee that this will last.
If your plan is to fund college through debt, then I see your husband’s point. My husband and I wouldn’t borrow against our home or take a PLUS loan to pay for college either. We decided that we couldn’t finance college in any way that might leave our family housing insecure should anything happened to one of us before the debt was repaid. Had either of us believed differently, we still wouldn’t have borrowed against our home or retirement, which is what I think a PLUS loan does, because of the serious, long-term consequences of such a major financial decision.
I think you need to sit down and come to an agreement about how much you’re both comfortable paying for college and how it should be paid. I’d create a budget and show him where the money could come from, and have a variety of college options and costs available. You can get very rough cost estimates by running each college’s net price calculator and the FAFSA4caster. I think it’s great to know how much you’re willing to spend, but I wouldn’t ask him to risk his home or put his retirement in jeopardy so your kids can attend residential college. If they won’t qualify for merit or need based aid, two years in a cc followed by 2 years at a 4-year school will work just fine.
@MYOS1634 Think these might not be high stat students
I would not mortgage our home. He’s going to be almost 60. When your parents helped you through school, it was far less expensive. Don’t know why they need the fantasy 4 year sleep away which will compromise you right before retirement. They have their whole lives to live away. 2 years CC followed by 2 years sleep away is still a big experience. I wouldn’t ruin your marriage by insisting HE loan. Maybe he is just tired so he wants to retire early. Sounds like long hours and with some blue collar jobs, your body wears out. My dad had a blue collar job but was able to retire early which was great because he passed away at 68.
That’s a great point, @gearmom. My husband is in construction and will likely retire before our children finish college because of the physical demands of the job. It’s only been a short couple of years since our eldest started school, and I can already see the physical demands catching up with him. We have another 6 years of college payments, so he’ll be nearly 70 when our youngest graduates. There’s no possible way he could continue his current job to pay off a HELOC or PLUS loan at that age.
You can negotiate down to no HELOC. 
The automatic scholarships at UMW aren’t for high stats students. Half the Colleges that change live colleges would be within reach for a student with decent rigor and a B/B+ average.
And knowing the college experience v. Commuting depends on their grades and scores may push them a little.
An issue is that if you pay for lots of expensive activities rheymay not grasp your financial limits for college and may think that whatever they do they’ll be able to go to any 4-year college they get into so they need to know their grades and scores will impact their options.
Although in a different financial situation (can afford to pay), we gave S and will give D the same option, state U with no debt, work or expenses (other than summer job) or more expensive school with debt (max up to 27k) , work while in college for expenses, and summer job. S chose more expensive school. Skin in the game is a good thing. He appreciates what he has.
My husband lived at home and got a full tuition scholarship so it took some coaxing for him to consider any out of state solutions for our two kid’s education. We negotiated out the budget for kid one and then kid two went smoother. Can you engage your husband on visits to George Mason U, UVA, U of Richmond so he gets interested in this process?
It can be fun to look over universities and you have so many great public schools in Virginia, its a great system there.
What are your husband’s hopes dreams and ambitions for his children? How can they achieve those dreams? Can your twins talk to your husband and explain their career goals to him? Goal setting is important in college selection.
Its a family process, to settle on a budget. Once you get buy in, it will feel better. I would pad up the 529s maybe, though if you feel worried and he is not paying attention. He is older than you, so thats a huge thing, he is getting tired of working. It will happen for you too, just wait till age 60 and see how you feel.
He may not have the insight to what it takes to become an attorney for instance. It can be fun to figure out
more about careers, and that can lead to a better understanding of why four years of college may be cost effective for your twins.
With that, dorms and food really are overpriced. Can your children work co op assignments? Will they cook?
What are they willing to do for a four year education ?
I would strongly suggest that your college visits start with schools that are less competitive than UVA and U of Richmond. You are very lucky that Virginia has a lot of instate public universities. I would suggest also that you start looking at them…but be realistic about where you are taking your kids and husband to look.
I disagree, if you have time look at all the schools. It will help your husband learn more. Just because you visit UVA does not mean your kids apply there. Visit and learn more. Its very helpful to visit financial reaches and laugh about it. We did that and its fun.
The way to learn is to drive and visit, and have fun with it. Your husband may get it, after visiting a few, or he may harden his position against paying. Its very tricky. But try to have fun.
Visit schools that are realistic for your kids in terms of cost and acceptance. UVA is highly competitive and U of Richmond is an expensive private so I probably would take them off the list. Definitely visit Mason and then consider schools like Mary Washington, Radford, JMU, ODU and maybe VMI if that would interest your son. (Eagle Scout would be a plus for a VMI applicant.) Make these visits a family event. Let your husband hear from the schools how the tuition works and they will probably even talk about the guaranteed admission from CC.
Borrowing money at this stage in life is not a good gauge of what you can afford. You have two years to save and then consider current income at the time. Come up with a budget that you can afford without debt other then the federal loans.
^ That seems reasonable. No debt for you OR the students past the federal loan limit. It was really different when you went to school in terms of affordability and the best gift you can now give your kids is not one-upmanship and a cycle of debt for any family member but to live within your true means for education. I don’t think it is selfish of DH to want to pay half. Sounds like he worked really hard and long hours. I’m sure he would have rather spend more time with the kids but it isn’t just blue collar workers that have long hours. Plenty of white collar worker do also so they will not necessarily escape that.
Most kids go to their instate option and have debt when they come out and work and get their grad degree if needed. If they have the ambition then they will get their postgrad degree if their profession requires it and sometimes this is fully funded anyway.
I think that instead of looking at the cost of the colleges you want and trying to figure out how to dredge up money to fill the gap, I’d look at your finances and set a budget. You have ~$32k saved for each child and you think you can save an additional $20k/year in the next 2 years out of your ~$200k income. That would bring each 529 to $52k. Divided by 4, that gives you a base budget of $13k/year. The children don’t seem to have summer jobs since they go to sleep away camp and your family spends 2 weeks in Portugal so there aren’t summer earnings, but they will be able to get the ~$5500/year federal student loan. That brings your budget to $18k. Would you still be able to contribute $20k/year from current income while they’re in college? That would bring each child"s budget to ~$28k. Are there any VA schools you can attend for $28k/year?
As the parent of a student with dyscalculia and processing issues, I’d think carefully before limiting your daughter to 4 years of funding. She may need more time. I’d budget for 5 years for her.
I see everyone’s point about the HELOC or refi…but luckily we have very good equity, bought low, have only 15 yrs left…which wouldn’t change…a cash-out refi in my opinion would basically just increase monthly mortgage a tad for remainder of 15 yrs. We could use some to help pay for college…as needed and some to make home repairs as needed…
This is where I’m coming from.
@scoutmom2002 - Your parents sacrificed and paid for your college education, and now you want to do the same for your children. This is a big part of your understanding of your responsibility and identity as a parent. You have set up the 529, and you have been able to save some money along the way. You have worked out a plan that would allow you to meet your parenting goal by using various loans.
However, it is not clear whether or not you have fully evaluated how your parents were able to do what they did. Were there significant college savings waiting for the time you would start college? Did your parents borrow the equivalent of what you are proposing to? If so, how did it affect their longer-term financial situation through retirement? Did they simply cut back on expenses, and pay out-of-pocket each year you were in college?
It might not turn out to be possible for you to meet this standard you have set for yourself. If it isn’t, please remember that it is OK to revise your understanding of what it takes to be a good and loving parent, and that there are many ways to continue your family’s legacy of helping the next greneration achieve their educational goals.
I don’t think DH is going to want to work until 67 with a blue collar job. Probably early 60s maybe. @austinmshauri 's account of 28k a year seems like a reasonable amount to spend.
I was the DH in this situation. We could have borrowed our way to DS’s dream schools (OOS places like GATech and UIUC) but I didn’t want to. My DH had no clue how the process worked (or how expensive college is now) but he was ready to pay whatever the bill was!
Luckily we do have good communication and reached a compromise in dollar amounts. (This excluded DS’s dream schools but did include a number of OOS schools with generous merit.)
Both sides need to go in willing to listen and compromise. Plan costs out completely (including tuition increases and 5th years that you need to admit you’ll absolutely pay for if it happens) and then figure out how the bills get paid and by whom.
@scoutmom2002 Another post that probably isn’t what you wanna hear, but this is from a different perspective.
I’m a recent college graduate (Class of 2017) from a private university. I was extremely fortunate and got a full-tuition scholarship. My freshman year I received many outside scholarships that paid for the bulk of room and board. In the following years the R&B was paid through a combination of me working 3 part-time jobs at any given time, and my parents helping me out.
Now, as I mentioned, I realize that my situation is unique. It was a combination of planning and good fortune. However, my parents are in a similar position to your husband. Neither went to college, both work blue-collar jobs. And - as you probably know - it’s really, really hard. My mother worked 60 hours a week (she has now retired for health reasons at 60 yrs old) and my dad still works 80 hours per week. All of this to say that this would suck in an office position, but can be worse in a physical job.
I understand your husband’s hesitance to refinance your home, and from your previous posts I think you’re asking for advice on how to sway him to your side. Instead maybe think about it this way: your kids are still young – sit down and have an honest conversation with your husband, and then prepare your kids NOW to make as much money as possible (within reason) before college. Because they are young and you have the support of CC, you also know where to look for automatic merit-aid schools (based on GPA and test score, even though they are not as prevalent as they once were).
You may be willing to work forever, but I don’t think it’s fair to expect your husband to, even for your children. It’s amazing to want your kids to have the 4-year experience, but only if you can afford it.