Have you run the NPC on, say, URichmond?
Can you give your kids’ current stats?
It might be helpful to play devils advocate. How could your husband sway you to his side. The converstation would likely including discussing his life goals and where he see you as a couple in 5, 10, 20 years. It could be his dreams are not realistic but without the TALK who knows. Maybe your goals and plans conflict. I am not ssure how you working to 70 fits in with his deam of early retirement,.
As parents we get so wrap up with our kids life that we often put our lifes on hold. We want to make every sacrafice to help them. Admirable but it often has a long term cost. Sometimes, it is important to step back and reevaluate. Hard to impossible at times but necessary.
I also don’t like the HELCO option unless there is no other option. My house is the last defense against financial ruin. It is (and probally shouldn’t be) a large part of my retirement plan. If all else fails, I can seriously downside. Using up a chuck of equity for college often makes sense but you do lose some of your security blanket.
One last thought. While we all have the plan that college is four and done. That often is not the case. Life happens. Mono, accidents, mental illness (more common then you think), failing a key course, major change of major, etc can all dereail the plan and increase the overall cost. If possible, you need some financial flexablity going in. Tough to have if you are pushing the budget.
If your kids do receive need based aid, remember that the money sitting in your bank account from that home refinance will now be an asset. That could affect any need based aid they receive in subsequent years.
FYI – I have mentioned Community College to 4 Year option to both kids so that is not off the table at all. Or even George Mason/Commuter option. Even looked at option of joining Va. Air National Guard (for my DS) while in school…know someone who did this…but have yet to weigh in all the pros/cons; will be looking at VMI (my brother graduated from there), although not sure DS will be willing to live the strict military-style college life.
DS knows exactly what career path he wants…and next year will be take Cyber: CompTech 2 A+, AP Computer Science Principles…looking into Computer Science/Cybersecurity career fields.
They haven’t taken their SATs/ACTs yet…average B kids; DD is on IEP and does struggle but is finding her way - a little more disciplined and works harder than DS because she knows she has to…will likely blossom in college (as I did).
Looking at smaller public in-states for DS…Longwood, Radford, UMW, CNU. DD is more liberal arts and is not quite sure of career path just yet…taking Early Childhood Education elective next year and also interested in Marketing.
They are great average kids. Life with DH has not always been roses (but what relationship is) and sometimes he has unrealistic expectations…i.e., DS in travel soccer leading to scholarships even though not straight A kid…by the way, DS taking break from travel soccer to work on grades…Note: DH willing to sacrifice to spend $$ on travel soccer for many years…thinking DS is the best and will get scholarships.
But I digress…
^Girls get soccer scholarships. American boys usually don’t receive much if anything. Balances the football scholarships. Is DD a talented soccer player? She might have a good chance at $$$.
Mason is actually one of the best schools in Va for Cyber Security.
He could play D3 and have soccer boost his admissions, plus perhaps an academic scholarship if he gets a good sat/act score.
Invest in prepping for tests. A B student with a strong score can get surprising scholarships. This applies to both your son and daughter.
(UMW has a grid and an act 22/GPA 3.25 brings $3,000/year.)
Mason is really strong for cybersecurity and soccer could help him get in.
Most D1 programs have already received their players for Fall 2019. If he were to play D1 he’d already have an idea. D1/2 Coaches can’t reach out till June Junior year BUT they already know who they want. There are no restrictions for D3 so your best bet is a D3 university where he’d be average/above average (say, if the average ACT is 26 and he has 26-27), fillin out the request info form now, contacting the coach between August and October to express interest, etc.
There are more scholarships for academics than for athletics.
For your daughter, focus on small schools as well as public schools with excellent LD support.
Would she be open to Sweet Briar? Perhaps, go visit (book an official visit).
Things can change from one day to the next, healthwise I mean.
@scoutmom2002 have your son look into Cybercorps Scholarship for Service Program since he is interested in cybersecurity.
He won’t have to sign up for military service.
He would work for the government for a few years in return for a scholarship.
@123Mom456 - Yes, I know…he actually attended a Cybersecurity Youth Conference there. That’s why it’s on the table.
@MYOS1634 - Yes…but he’s got ego issue (mainly due to DH)…so currently (this may change though) he tells me he’d rather not play than play for D2, D3. I’m waiting for his wake up call to kick in. I believe Sweet Briar is all girls…DD does not want to go to all girls school.
@mommdc - thanks!! Great option! Already sent via email to DS!!
CS/ Cyber security is one of the most difficult majors. Probably no way he’ll be able to have that major and play D1 soccer. Even D2 or D3 will be difficult. CS majors have to have incredible self discipline in order to succeed. If he is having trouble now, having him do two years of CC where you can help keep down distractions and help him focus might be the best path for success.
Also for the soccer, the kids who are gunning for D1 travel the whole country to play. Has he been IDed at ODP? Have you compiled promotional material for coaches? Not playing sophomore year is actually really damaging for his chances. This is the year coaches will start selecting for boys (earlier for girls) since boys are growing into their full bodies and coaches will have a good idea on final size. Have you done a lot of showcases with him?
@gearmom - getting too far off topic (my fault though for bringing it up 
– there are other issues at play…but either way…his grades were suffering so we had to take a break. I love my son, but he’s not quite Ronaldo and his chances at D1 are likely slim to none. So it’s already a non topic in the house. His grades have improved and he’s still playing on HS Varsity and we are all ok with this.
Sorry, I didn’t realize Mason was D1! I thought it was D3. 
oops.
I think you’re in a difficult position. Nobody in your home seems to be on the same page. You think you can pay for everything and are willing to borrow a lot to do it, your husband doesn’t think you should pay more than half and doesn’t want to borrow, and your children are being led to believe they can afford to be picky. If I were you, I’d table the idea of any loans but the federal until you can rein in the expectations.
I’d hold a family conference and lay out the budget with only the money you have now, and show them the colleges you can currently afford. You have ~$13k/year each ($8k from the 529 + the $5500 federal student loan). Where can they attend for $13k? Can anything be pulled from the current budget? Can test scores and GPAs be increased to bring in merit? I think once your family starts seeing concrete possibilities it will be easier to engage in useful conversations.
I know you want to provide the full residential college experience for your children at $0 cost to them, and it’s tempting to borrow whatever you have to so you can make that happen. It must be especially tough if everyone in their school seems to be going away to great schools. But while taking on debt and working until you’re 70 is something you’re willing to do, it’s not what your husband wants. If borrowing for college would delay his retirement and he doesn’t want that, then it’s unfair of you to try to talk him into it.
If he’s unwilling to borrow, your choices are to let your children take the federal student loans, attend an affordable state school, work summers instead of going to sleep away camp and taking a 2 week vacation in Europe, attend the local cc then transfer to a state school, take a 2nd job yourself, or some combination of the above. At the very least make sure they understand that there will be limits to their choices. We see posts every year from kids who are blindsided that there’s not much money for college. They assumed that because they lived in an expensive home, helped extended family members, took yearly vacations, and participated in expensive ECs that there was plenty of money in their college fund. They really need to know the budget so they can start adjusting their expectations.
Some of these kids say that if they’d known their expensive ECs and camps would limit their college choices that much, they’d have made other choices and found cheaper alternatives. Your kids still have time to make a choice: sleep away camp money can go for that or for college.
If your budget really is 25k they have a few choices but they need to focus on tests and grades. If your budget is 13k then they need to know right away as every expense right now impacts their ability to go away to college.
Here’s a kinda of crazy thought – assuming both kids attend the same college, I wonder if it would make sense to buy a second home very near campus for them to share with two roommates (four kids total) instead of living in dorms. The two roommates would pay rent which would help with the mortgage, and you’d save on meal plans. When they graduate, you sell the house and recoup what you paid on it (or even better, make a few bucks).
Only works with these assumptions:
Both attend the same college
Would be OK with living together
Affordable and appreciable real estate in the area
I’d rather see that type of mortgage vs a refi on your primary residence.
First…it’s not all that easy to get a mortgage for a second home, and the amount you need to have for a downpayment is a higher %age than for your primary residence.
Second, this places the parents in the position of being landlords, their kids being landlords, or hiring a rental company to handle any issues that come up. Things NO need maintenance in almost any orooerty.
Third, we have friends who did this…and when their kids college years ended, they could NOT sell the condos they bought. And these were in a nice place (e.g. Charleston). Kids moved on…and the parents were stuck being landlords and owning properties they no longer needed.
And lastly, if the parents do this…they need to understand that the equity in that rental property WILL be considered in terms of future year need based aid.
@thumper1 – like I said, it’s a crazy thought, one that I figure wouldn’t hurt to throw out there. I know two families who’ve successfully done this and ended up making money on the property. It’s not for everyone but can work out nicely when all the stars align.
I think compromise and good communication are needed here. At a family conference, you can lay out details of what test scores and grades are needed to reach admission and maybe small automatic merit at certain schools. Show your kids (and DH) how much a point or two on ACT could mean in actual dollar amounts at colleges you are looking at. Giving kids a goal, when they still have time to study and make a difference in grades and test scores, might push them to reach a bit and land even a small merit aid amount at a lesser college.
Even though OP handles the finances, and does not share her DH’s views on new cars/phones, DH’s contribution to the family income is significant and some compromise can make him feel like his voice is being heard and considered.
I would never jeopardize my home with college debt. You have no clue what the future holds for major health issues, job loss, relatives who may need your physical or financial assistance, or even your DD’s learning needs that may end up costing more than your DS. I just had to quit the job I thought I would work at for the rest of my life (for health reasons). I had funded college expenses from my salary each month, and was ready to switch and start my retirement savings. Right now, that plan is busted. In addition to NOT saving for retirement, our reduced income is having to fund major health costs. You just can not KNOW the future, and deciding to use the HELOC now means there is no safety net going forward. Maybe you have to resort to HELOC, but try to run the numbers without it and see what that looks like.
Your kids can step up and earn money now. Maybe it is just enough for books and spending money, or gas/transportation costs. But telling them now might motivate them to work more hours and save. (And the idea of matching their savings is a possible motivator also!)
You might consider making student federal loans a part of the equation instead of the HELOC loan. That preserves your own housing, and puts some of the burden on your children. You would always have the option later to help your children with the federal loan payments, even if it was only $100/month to each child that you could pull from your monthly budget.
You and your spouse are a team, and you are two different people with completely different college experiences. But you chose each other long ago, and the future you plan for now should combine at least a little bit of both of you.
Best of luck to you, I can’t imagine funding TWO college educations at the same time.
@powercropper Good Advice…unfortunately compromise and communication are not DH’s strong suit…on top of that his unwillingness to discuss serious matters…at all…case in point - believe it or not (and I’m very embarrassed to admit this), we don’t have any Will prepared…every time I mentioned it in the past, he’d blow it off…after a while I just stopped asking. I was lucky to have convinced him to even get life insurance, which only happened after twins were born.
He doesn’t even talk to his own father about serious matters (who also does not have a will by the way) such as estate property matters, etc. (he currently lives overseas in nursing home which is why we need to go to Europe this summer…it’s not a vacation, it’s obligatory time with grandpa). DH doesn’t even deal with his father’s nursing home or doctors. Since his father does not have a will, I’ve told him repeatedly that he needs to have those hard but serious discussions with his father and he again just blows it off and then even gets angry noting it’s not my business…so I’ve stopped. He just lets his younger brother deal with it all which is fine. This is very frustrating for me, but I’ve come to accept that he either just can’t handle the stress or doesn’t want to.
We do plan on having both DS and DD apply for the max federal loans each year and as you noted, will have option to help with payments later…my plan is to have this be the “incentive” to stay and do well in college…if they goof off and start to fail classes then I will be less inclined to help with loan payments
Also, I will expect them to work during school and/or school breaks to help pay for books, spending money, gas, etc.
Even though DH has spoken of retirement in a few years…I’m six years younger and don’t plan on retiring until Social Security kicks in or at least closer to 67. Yes, I understand that things can come up…health issues, etc…knock on wood.
Thank fully, we currently have no debt, except 1 mortgage and 1 car payment and occasional monthly credit card debt; the mortgage term ends when I turn 63…so at the very least I plan to work until 63
By the time 2020 rolls around and college hopefully starts for DS and DD there will be only 14 yrs left on the mortgage. I do agree that if we ever decide to go the HELOC/Cash-Out Refi route that it would be with the caveat that the mortgage term not increase. I did run rough #s just to see what it would look like and obtaining about a $100K cash-out would add roughly $900 to monthly payment for 14 yrs at a very low 4.49% interest rate.
I think of it this way…I’d basically be paying $900/month for 14 yrs (4 of which are the college yrs) (at a very low interest rate) to at least pay for both kids to go to college with only some federal loan balances that might have to be paid by them if I’m not able to also help cover that when the time comes. I’d be 63 when done, and God willing, still able to work full-time for at least a few more years.
When they graduate and get jobs, they will know how much I’m paying per month for each one’s college education – which at that point will likely be around $450-$500 each per month…they could then pay me back monthly however much they can afford with no interest, assuming no federal loan balances. I don’t even mind compromising and writing this out as more of a parent to child college loan contract with payments being required to commence upon full time employment after graduation. I’ll also compromise in that I’m only willing to pay 4 yrs of college…taking summer classes at local community college as I did will help…a 5th or more year will require they step up and pay for.
I know life might throw some curve balls so this might actually not go as planned…but that’s currently my vision and how I’ll likely explain things to my DH. Otherwise, I see only other options as a Parent PLUS loan or other non-federal student loan, but I hear the interest rates are upwards of 7% or higher…which is why the refi rate of 4.5% is so appealing and if I plan to help kids pay for college why would I pay the higher interest rate or make them pay the higher interest rate?
Please wish me luck when I do actually sit down and have the TALK with both DH and also DS and DD.