What do other black students and parents think of that particular student and his racist comments? The answer to this question can let you know whether there is a festering problem that you may not know about, or if it is just that student being a jerk.
Well she just told me last night, I haven’t had time to investigate, but you are right I will follow up with our black friends there may well be a festering problem.
I don’t either, but it worked for my older son in middle school. I think she should push back, but as others have suggested with humor. But go easy on the sarcasm! And I agree that she should make sure that she isn’t coming off as a bit snobbish. Don’t forget that this may not be just a race thing, it’s also a class thing. These bullies don’t have a lot of self esteem.
I took a look at our LAX team and it looked very integrated, unlike our football team which is mostly African-American.
A kid once said something along those lines in my school… that a teacher was treating her differently because she wasn’t white.
The dean immediately handed the kid a piece of paper, and had her write the whole incident down, in front of a witness. Then the dean mentioned that the kid would have to wait until we could get it notarized.
When the kid making the accusation asked the fuss was, the response was that what she was accusing the teacher of was against the law. If the school was going to fire a teacher and call the police, then of course they would have to dot all the i’s and cross the t’s to ensure that the case was taken seriously.
Needless to say, the kid backed down pretty quickly.
The teacher needs to handle this, firmly and immediately.
I would let the teacher know that you appreciate his standing up for your daughter, but the racial parts of the story bother you and daughter, and you’d like him to address that the next time it happens. HE needs to confront the student about the racial remark. HE needs to keep your daughter out of it for the most part.
Since the teacher is a coach, he also can bring the athletic director into it. The athletic director has much more power. Ours didn’t think teachers and coaches were holding students to the attendance policy, and he went looking for students IN class. Got their attention very quickly when several members of different teams didn’t get to play or practice because they’d not attended 5 out of 7 classes that day. Took the problem right out of the control of the teachers and other coaches. Probably helped that our AD was a huge man!
@labegg If I understand correctly, daughter is more irritated than upset. It’s a sad truth that as things now stand black kids are going to get away with saying things that white kids can’t. And sometimes white kids say the very same thing about Asians (and they say them out loud).
I strongly advice against using “Zingers” or getting in an insult match, although nothing wrong with her saying that she’s not “white girl,” she’s just a student. She apparently has already had some cordial interactions with some of these kids. She should try to find a way a way to bring in a little humor to the situation. As an Honors/AP student her academic ability may be greater than some of these kid’s, and their comments are likely made out of frustration. She should just try to find a way to laugh about it with these students instead of trying to exchange barbs.
I’m not saying be a doormat.
Life lessons for your D. How the “other half” functions is one. This is only one of six or seven classes for your D so at least she is not stuck in this world. She needs to concentrate on the subject, do her work and ignore the others. Can’t always be in great situations. I was in a regular HS class one semester due to scheduling difficulties (too many “orphan” classes) and remember how different it was even without the added peer issues.
Agree with NOT using zingers or otherwise showing she can best them. Their egos are already fragile and she doesn’t need to spark anything bad. Her silence on this shows maturity. At home you can sympathize with her about the other students. Dismissing their behavior diminishes the importance of it. Ignoring it instead of trying to eliminate it or improve it when those are unlikely to happen may make the semester less stressful. Focusing on the subject instead of the class will also help. She has the rest of her classes to enjoy the peer group and social contacts.
you have to be careful though: silence can mean “easy target for bullying”. These things escalate quickly.
A couple of things in here make me think that this is an uncomfortable situation, – so worthy of being addressed – but neither threatening to your D (as you say) nor systemic (as it seems that it’s one outspoken jerky kid who is not being supported by the teacher.) Humor is great – but sarcasm is not, especially if it’s designed to “put someone in his place.” This doesn’t even really sound like bullying in that they aren’t targeting her, but the teacher for his grading. But yes, super-uncomfortable for your daughter. And I’m going to guess that the B-ball player, for all his swagger, is a generally poor student. Doing poorly in school isn’t exactly a confidence-builder! His comments are indeed racist and wrong.
What I’d propose – recognizing that it would take a certain alignment of the stars to happen – is for your daughter to offer to do review/study sessions with this young man and his cohorts. She may want to do it in exchange for some free throw lessons, or something that he excels at. I know this sounds very “after-school special”, but occasionally it works.
And I also agree that trying to find out from some of the African American families whether there are underlying issues would be helpful. It could just be this kid. But being insulated from some of the dynamics that cause festering problems is part of white privilege, and you could be really helpful to the community by simply asking some questions.
I hope you’ll let us know how this all plays out!
Would just like to note that a black student cannot be “racist” towards a white student- they can certainly prejudiced, but only those with institutional power- white people- can be “racist”. Lacking institutional power, it is simply strong prejudice.
As a white, middle-class student attending a mostly black (65-70%) school in a low income area, I would acknowledge my white privilege & the fact that my classmate has been almost definitely treated unfairly by authority figures (including teachers) but that this particular incident probably isn’t an example of that. Maybe would tell them to ask me if they had trouble on a worksheet or something next time.
Honestly, this doesn’t seem like a big deal to me unless it continues to happen frequently- a “suck it up” type of incident. Considering the school has a smaller % of black students then the general US population I’d guess it’s not fully integrated and white privilege is still in full play.
Where I am, these sorts of racial comments would be considered harassment. The schools have very firm policies about harassment. It’s not tolerated. The daughter shoild first talk to the teacher, and then perhaps her guidance counsellor. This needs to stop.
@mountaingoats I sincerely hope you’re kidding. You used the socio economic definition of racism, the dictionary definition is prejudice based on race. Black people can in fact be racist, and either way, op’s daughter seems to be the minority in the class.
OP, your daughter needs to extend an olive branch and shut down the bullies by changing their views on her. Have her be friendly and bring them something one day and they will no longer make indirect comments about her.
Everyone, notice it is not bullying. They are not targetting her and saying these things to her face but rather indirectly about her.
If she humanizes herself and takes away the rich privelaged stigma, then she will be seen as a person instead of some homework and lax robot.
@mountaingoats Well, my D16 will “suck it up” as you say because that is the kind of kid she is.
Maybe because she is a girl and he is a guy. She should “suck it up” right?
Maybe because he is a popular athlete and she is a nerdy athlete she should “suck it up”.
Or, maybe because she is overweight and he is superfit she should “suck it up”.
HOWEVER, would you tell a black student who was being harassed in a similar manner, to “suck it up”? If you wouldn’t then you shouldn’t expect others to either.
Some excellent comments above, wrapping with thumper’s at #30.
I think the male athlete is both bullying and being racist, with absolutely no intent to call the teacher’s attention to what may be perceived to be grading policies. Yes, acting and speaking out of his frustration with his own failure to thrive, but directing - channeling- that anger toward your child, labegg.
No need to accommodate, or conciliate. It needs to be stopped in its tracks, now. The teacher is ill-equipped to do it, though I would commend the teacher for his approach: he was seeking to introduce the one area of life the teachers knows of which does speak to, and has meaning to, the male student, sports. The teacher introduced lab’s daughter as an athlete with a busy schedule who still managed to find time to study and do well in the classroom. This was intended to be something which blurred, or erased, the line between the students, so the male student could see that there was commonality between them.
I would not stand for this behavior toward my child, as my kid has every right to be in the classroom as the next kid, and I expect my kid to go unmolested in her chair as she does what she is there to do, learn.
I would take it up the line, but make one more pass at the teacher first, enlisting his aid and attention to the classroom environment.
@SeniorStruggling Yes, I’m using the more modern, now prominent definition of racism that takes issues of privilege & cultural values into account. For more: http://www.diversityinc.com/ask-the-white-guy/ask-the-white-guy-is-the-oxford-dictionary-definition-of-racism-too-white-for-you/
But she is the vast majority in her school & likely the other parts of her life.
Also, because this is one, maybe two incidents, it likely won’t fit most schools’ definitions of racism- I know in my district it definitely has to be repeated to count.
That is not the more prominent definition as it is not the true definition. You are also missing 5 of the other arguments presented in the case that came up with that argument and reasoning. Do more research before posting self righteous claims about social justice and injustice.
Please explain this incident if black people can’t be racist. http://www.thepoliticalinsider.com/asian-student-dares-say-black-people-can-racist-watch-happens/
@labegg I wouldn’t tell a black student in a mostly white school to because taking white & majority privilege into account it’d be a different situation to me.
As an extremely nerdy, awkward, thrift store clothes wearing white girl who can’t catch a ball to save her life, no, none of those reasons are why. It’s about thinking about how this kid’s difference in experiences based on his race have shaped his prejudices, and using that knowledge to remedy the situation more effectively.
I realize “suck it up” is perhaps a harsh term- I mean more to utilize the advice given here before taking formal action.
Well, what happens when the stated ideal of privilege and power no longer being distributed unevenly by race occurs? Then do all of the “prejudiced” non-white people suddenly become “racist”?
Generally, my experience is that the people who make the “only a white person can be racist” argument are themselves racist (or “prejudiced”/“bigoted” based on race, if you prefer), and apparently seek to justify or excuse their racial prejudice/bigotry.
Perhaps this comes from the tendency to treat “racism” as a severe unforgivable personal sin, rather than a commonplace (or more commonplace than many people will admit) belief and behavior that may not always have significant effects, and may be (to a greater extent than commonly believed) managed in a way that minimizes the effects. “Prejudice”/“bigotry” seem to be less severe-sounding words.
Have you found out whether there is a festering problem, or if it is just this one student in isolation?
Forgot about mountaingoats’ comment.
I remember telling my classmates years and years (and years!) ago that the power Black people did have was the power to act from a point of humanity or from a point of racist disregard. When one fails to extend a simple humanity and civility - daresay, a kindness- to another because one has suppressed the natural inclination to do so to avenge historical wrongs, then one is acting from a small, bigoted and racist position.
There is power in being human to the next human being, in expecting and extending that part of one’s self which is natural to lend to the next person in need.
Concomitantly, when one acts from that small place of hatred, bitterness, or delight at the misery of another because now the tables have turned (i.e., she’s the minority in the room), then one is acting from hatred and racism when the racial difference sparks the indifference and disdain.
It is racist when the impetus for the (EDIT: hurtful) speech or action is race-based.