I’d respond, “I don’t see color but apparently you do.”
If things continue to get worse, meet with the teacher & principal and follow everything up with an email to the teacher & principal detailing the conversation and thanking them for addressing the situation in advance.
You need to get it on record that the teacher & principal are very well aware of this situation. Ultimately, this holds the school accountable for future actions.
If I’m reading this correctly it happened while in class. I think something along the line of “What do you mean my that?” loudly enough so everyone could hear it. He is making a statement that he supposes has meaning that everyone understands. By requiring him to explain the meaning it may diffuse his comments and cause him to be quiet because he will have to defend his bigotry. She probably wouldn’t have to say much else.
“Dude” is one of my favorite responses to many situations, @labegg . It has the ability to be incredibly nuanced. 
@labegg, it sounds like your daughter’s got the right idea! What a cool character. How are things going now?
@labegg “One of her classmates, an African American young man, sitting next to her noted her grade and called out “Of course she got a 100, she is white”. In the past he has also said “Put me in the lab group with the white girl, that will guarantee me a good grade”.”
I wasn’t there, but the way I read it, I don’t hear racial hostility in this. When I put these two statements together, I get the impression that perhaps this young man is just expressing frustration that he is not doing better in class. At least seems to care about his grades, which is good.
Maybe the best way for a teacher to handle it would be have a counselor speak to him about his grades and goals. He maybe he wants to do better, but does not know how. Perhaps a good counselor could point him in the right direction.
Having said that, he did not express his frustration in the best way, and harassment is largely determined based on how a person feels about what was said, so hopefully he will choose his words better next time.
@Much2learn : Really? You don’t read hostility in that? There are not enough words in the world for me to explain how much I disagree with you. Please take off your rose-colored glasses and get real.
So you’re thinking that instead of referring to her by her name two students relegate her to Blanket White Entity, while pointing out that she either received preferential treatment or her biological Caucasian advantage kicked in and pushed her performance up a level, but the studfents have not objectified or targeted her in a racial manner?
Sub-text does not negate, minimize or obliterate the laser focus of race in their approach.
Perhaps you’re suggesting (but not saying) that they do not mean to harm her in any way, and in venting are doing so in a way which is race-based but also helps them to let off steam at their discomfort with their own standing in the class. Venting in a way which denies her person-hood and individuality, and which determines her to be “other” and outside of the group.
If this scenario were only gender-based, wouldn’t it be easy to see that the culture which may be brewing in the classroom potentially places the young girl outside of the protections of the group, also?
D16 has not said anything further about the class. Spoke with some African American moms on my D18’s cheer team this past weekend, as I said I was planning. One a teacher at the middle school that feeds to the HS. She said chalk it up to the boy being a jerk. " I know exactly who you are talking about…he will say anything if he knows it will get a raise of you. He likes to stir the pot."
@waiting2exhale “Perhaps you’re suggesting (but not saying) that they do not mean to harm her in any way, and in venting are doing so in a way which is race-based but also helps them to let off steam at their discomfort with their own standing in the class. Venting in a way which denies her person-hood and individuality, and which determines her to be “other” and outside of the group.”
I am trying to separate two things: Impact and intent. As I attempted to say in the previous post, I am not defending the impact. It was not something he should have said. But, perhaps part of people’s response is tied to the history of black and white references.
For example, if a white kid had said, “Of course she got 100%, she’s Asian!” It still would not be a good thing to say. However, I suspect that, without even realizing it, some people may be more likely to view it as an expression of frustration in this case, instead of an attack. Jmho
I wish your daughter the best, @labegg. She sounds like an all-around great kid.
I am glad to know that you are touching base with people on all fronts, getting input and seeking to put your mind at ease.
I’ve often told my girls that there will be times when they walk into a room and someone in that room will just decide to invent a reason why, in their own minds, my girls are unlikable. It is out of my daughters’ hands and does not reflect on who they are, or what they brought when they walked into the room.
Love the LAX, btw.
I’m not disinclined to agree with you, Much. Given the histories of the groups (Black and White) and the tension that seems to always rest on the line between them, yes, one could be inclined to perceive animus, or a threat in the words of the two Black kids who then pointedly mention the White kid as such.
The frustration end of the student who makes the comment about the Asian kid could also carry a particular weight given the local circumstances, but, yes, there is a concession there to the presumed innate giftedness of the Asian kid outside of any known tension.
The girl at the center of it does not deserve to be called out thusly, nor to wonder, due to the known histories and tensions, if there is something greater behind the verbal spewing. She must be concerned when it happens because if she is not then she is not reading the temperature of the room, and that could be dangerous.
For the same reason, the kids who spoke of her in this manner are not reading the temperature, either.
I would warn them, and then if it happened again, write them up.
I am, of course, familiar with the rather fluid, sharp-tongued and inconsequential manner in which Black people can speak to and with each other, and the manner in which those same characteristics can be present when one is just mouthing off about someone identified to be not-Black. (I was only reminded of it at your writing, but I am well versed in it.)
My oldest kid has had it done to him where it is the Asian kids calling him out, both for academic performance and his apparent failure to evince the requisite amount of Blackness in his personal tastes, extracurriculars, interests, etc. At no time did I think he was being physically threatened, but it unnerved and confused him, and let him know that he was a figure, a character/performer in others’ eyes, and that he was failing to deliver what his place in the community seemed to promise he would bring. (Needless to say, things hit the fan.)
It is not okay. Just not okay.
A lot of parents here are trying to set up op for failure.
Sharp tongues and quick wit are good in the right scenario.
@Much2learn I agree with you.
And people, it is not always about race!
Yes he said something off-colored, is he actually someone who thinks less of whites? We don’t know, but probably not.
He was saying things just to say them, she was merely an object or entity present for him to use.
If she humanizes herself to him and makes their relationship personal by even just saying hi to him and calling him by his name…well I’m sure that will stop it.
You’re not sure of anything. She has a name, too.
It’s not about race when it sounds like and looks like it is about race?
Is he actually someone who thinks?
Does he think less of whites: "Probably not? " Why not? (These are things you will have to defend if you actually want someone who does feel harassed to turn the other cheek in the face of unacceptable and discomfiting language and behavior.)
She must humanize herself to him, because she has not walked into the room a person, just like him; an athlete, just like him; a member of the student community, just like him?
I’m all for trying to understand the outside influences on each of our behavior, but I am not willing to make up an alibi for some kid who should know better, and then to place the onus for peace on the person who is offended.
Know any Black firefighters or police officers?
How so? What happened? Did you get involved?
@Senior Struggling: Our history informs our actions and you’ve placed more than a healthy amount of weight to your argument on the unfortunate outcome you met with when in a hard situation.
You must also blend what you’ve learned with some objective information and strategies so that you do not become an enabler of that which is socially unacceptable and/or worse.
@CTTC: Of course I got involved. My kid was in private school, though, so the channels of action were necessarily different.
And in that instance, my husband did not want punishment, but counseling for the kids, a re-direction. The school took a different tack and lay down the law, removing access to extracurriculars, placing warnings with the understanding that club titles and such would be stripped if things did not straighten up quickly.
After speaking with my husband, himself a former educator, and hearing his pleas for a way to understand why the kids thought my son needed to be SuperBlack and not just WaitingKid, I began to think there could be something more to the bullying, to the taunts.
I like the two-prong approach: warning and then the implementation of a penalty phase.
Lots of food for thought here.
As far as what the OP’s D should do if it happens again, I’d suggest looking at him with a smile/laugh and saying, “Hey, [hisname], I thought you knew my name is Jane.” (insert actual name)
That leaves him with two options: he can either smile/laugh back, which enables him to retreat with dignity intact, or he can escalate in a manner that will make him look like he really, really cares about his bad grades. I strongly doubt that is what he wants to do.
Yes, he is being a jerk. But he’s probably acting from a place of pain. Unless he’s on track to be a professional player, I’m sure he knows that his prospects are not as good as those of a white girl with good grades who in his view may be more or less slumming in this class.
What would “escalate in a manner that will make him look like he really, really cares about his bad grades” look like?
Wow, @Consolation, there is so much loaded content in what you wrote I am nearly speechless.
@Waiting2exhale “WaitingKid” I love this. lol
@MotherOfDragons Props for having daughter dragons. I love that.
@Waiting2exhale “It is not okay. Just not okay.”
I agree. It is not okay, and needs to be addressed. I was trying to say that it should be addressed in a constructive way instead of in an angry way. I completely agree that It is certainly not the victimized girls job to address it.
The teacher has an opportunity to educate all of the students. It can be explained to them that reducing other students in the room to simple stereotypes of black, white, and Asian is dehumanizing and are destructive. They can also explain why that is true, even when they are positive stereotypes. I think it is also important to explain to young people that what this boy said is also harmful to black students, because its seems to lower expectations for them.
@Waiting2exhale “If this scenario were only gender-based, wouldn’t it be easy to see that the culture which may be brewing in the classroom potentially places the young girl outside of the protections of the group, also?”
Yes, it can be very harmful. I still see this all of the time. The “boys are good at math and girls are good at English” stereotype is incredibly harmful. I can’t stand it when well-meaning, adult women tell girls that it is okay if they aren’t good at math because they weren’t good at it either. This is often followed by the suggestion that she is probably good at reading/English. When young students believe that they are not good at math, it becomes true. Ugh.
@Much2learn: Daughter dragons…Yes!
@CTTC: In furtherance of my answer about what happened: The kids all graduated together, developed respect for one another, I have cheered (and still do so for one of them) their progress, achievements and growing into themselves.
Last holiday season, we spent what must have been the coldest NYC Thanksgiving ever with one of the families whose student was involved, touching base, taking note of how much each of the boys had grown, and trying to enjoy the sights.
All in all, the re-direction helped us all to get over the bump in the road. (The kids had plenty more to come as hormones kicked in, girls came into view, and then the college application process and where to live for the next four years came into view.)
And we don’t even live in Lake Wobegon.