What would you do?

Paying for College
41

If son doesn’t want to go to free state school, I’ve have him start exploring other options which a cost cap in mind and let him find some other schools to examine. If he’s serious about the major it does limit options since many schools don’t have that and some might have tougher stat/score requirements than general student populations.

To broaden search, consider UG where you can follow up different major with grad work - friend’s D went of College of Charleston as art history major with historic preservation focus. Now at Notre Dame doing grad work in Architecture. My D was actually discouraged from looking at architecture because of low pay but it doesn’t matter if that’s your passion - but does mean you should avoid large debt since you will have trouble paying it back.

I wonder if he’s in the “I know too many average students who go there” frame of mind. That happens when you attend college near where you live. My D went to college in same town to state U. Met lots of new people (and actually lots of professor’s kids) and there were some high quality students. Try to get him to focus on availability of major and less on students.

42

If your son can’t get into honors, he will have no problem finding intellectual peers. Nice to see his overconfidence.

He also probably wont get into the Ivy level, so it will be a moot point.

43

We are incredibly lucky in Ohio to have gone through ‘unification’ at state schools. If your son sticks to TAG courses he will have no trouble transferring those credits across the 14 four-year state universities, 24 branch and regional campuses, 23 two-four community colleges and technical colleges. He could have his cake and eat it too in the sense that he could do probably 2-3 years for free at your husband’s employer then transfer those credits class for class to the flagship or the University of Cincinnati (which is actually better for architecture and co-ops) for the final 4 semesters if he hasn’t changed his major by then and wants to pursue architecture at a different school. Look at all the state schools in Ohio and consider a target program to stay motivated and plan course work. My guess though is that after a couple of years he will have changed his major, found a group of friends he doesn’t want to leave or will appreciate a debt free option and choose to stay.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/University_System_of_Ohio

44

We were a “follow the money” family, and I will say both my kids probably undermatched. I gave them a budget. I can pay X per year. I will not cosign loans. That gave them “X + the direct loan” amount to work with. As an added bonus, come in under “X” and you can have up to “Y” to put towards a car at graduation–or sometime thereafter.

The amounts were not negotiable. Blood from a stone, kwim? Both kids had held jobs and knew darn well that paying a monthly amount of even $300 would not be fun. Anyway, when push came to shove, both picked the free tuition schools (I also teach at a college).

How is your son about spending his own money? Does he work? Once he realizes he’s the one paying off the loans, and how much they’ll be, he may get off his high horse about the quality of the free school.

45

@rgosula


[QUOTE=""]
If your son can't get into honors, he will have no problem finding intellectual peers. Nice to see his overconfidence. <<

[/QUOTE]

you expressed my thoughts better than I would.

@WantWhatsBest


[QUOTE=""]
Your first point about a 5-year program --- the state school with free tuition offers a dual MArch/MBA, and again the tuition would be waived. This in addition to the bachelor's. That's hard to turn down. <<

[/QUOTE]

when you put it like that it’s not simply hard to turn down – it’s downright crazy and irresponsible to turn it down.

$160K + is a stiff price to pay to indulge your son’s ego.

3.6 GPA + 1230 SAT is very solid but let’s be honest – it’s not spectacular or eye-popping. it falls short of the Honors College requirements for the “lowly” state U that your son and husband are so quick to dismiss as inferior.

he seems to think that students with better GPAs and SATs who actually got into Honors college are still somehow beneath him intellectually. honestly that sounds kind of arrogant.

if you had hundreds of thousands of $$$ just lying around collecting dust that’s one thing – but it sounds like that’s not the case.

it’s a little frustrating trying to answer question like “should my son go to this school – oh and by the way i won’t tell you what school it is.” as far as I can tell it sounds like Kent State. so if the deal is free tuition for a dual MArch/MBA from Kent State … well, i don’t know why this is even a discussion. of course you take that deal and be grateful for it as there are thousands if not millions of parents who would gladly be in your shoes right now.

46

Yes to everything everyone is saying. Yes to his overconfidence – something I pointed out immediately. He’s still just a kid. The parents have to be smarter and guide them. The poster who said $160k is a stiff price to pay to indulge his ego is stating it a little harshly, but okay. I get it. I really do. I came to this forum to get these exact viewpoints. OrdinaryLives – you said it really well also. I actually forwarded my son an article that came out yesterday on The Motley Fool about people drowning in student debt. He read it and said, “Yikes.” He’ll get it eventually. We’ll see what shakes out from other schools still. At the end of the day, he’ll have to make peace with where he goes, because I’ll be the one sending him and paying for most of it since I bring in more than 50% of the household income. And so will hubby, unless he’s sitting on a mountain of money he hasn’t told me about. Which he’s not. Because I’ve looked. No mountain. No money.

47

@scmom12 is probably right: The looking-down-on-the-local-college effect is probably very much at play here. My D, when I broached the subject of not being able to afford much and she might have to go to local state U as a commuter if she didn’t shape up, grades-wise, said, “If I have to end up there, just shoot me now.”
And while it’s not the place I want her to go, it’s a perfectly average school where she could get a couple of years of basic courses under her belt and transfer out to a much better school, so her attitude is all about perception and not reality.

Look, you guys have a great deal. Be happy. I wish we had your choice.

48

Hubby is also contributing, because he can offer free tuition from his employer.

PROGRAM over Prestige or name

49

The full tuition including some grad school deal sounds terrific to me.

50

Can he study more and retake SAT to try to qualify for Honors College?

51

First see what the honors curriculum entails, it might or might not interest him.

52

But yes, I suggested retaking SAT as well, even just to increase merit chances.

53

@WantWhatsBest


[QUOTE=""]
The poster who said $160k is a stiff price to pay to indulge his ego is stating it a little harshly, but okay. I get it. <<

[/QUOTE]

That was me, and it was a little harsh and I apologize for that. The situation just reminded me of my son deciding that NC State (!) was “beneath” him, and that disdainful attitude put our family in kind of a pickle for a big chunk of the application/waiting period.

yeah he’s still a kid and that’s a big problem with the current college financial landscape and the growing college debt crisis. they are still kids and yet face an enormous life decision that could have a major negative impact on the rest of their lives if they decide wrongly.

PS - did i guess right with Kent State?

54

When I started talking to my girls about college years ago (one is now a senior, one a sophomore) I stressed that the priority is graduating without debt. The actual school they end up at is secondary. There are not a ton of professions where the pedigree of the school graduated from really matters (yes, there are some professions like that, but it’s a minority). And, there are no guarantees that a college degree in hand equals enough salary to pay back loans and still live.

We’ve been saving in 529 plans since they were toddlers, but will only have enough in the accounts to pay about 1 year of full pay at a private school. So… my girls know the drill… get good enough grades and scores to qualify for significant merit aid at a liberal arts college, or go to a state school. I view part of my job as parent at this point is to start forcing them to live in the reality of the adult world. Almost nothing is worth being saddled with massive debt for a good part of the rest of their lives.

I do empathize though. My oldest is a classic introvert. Her perfect fit would be a tiny liberal arts college. We know that from the various colleges we’ve visited. I want that so much for her. But, I don’t want it enough to let her graduate with massive debt.

55

@WantWhatsBest

You provided a lesson to responding to harsh online criticism. Including my own.
I commend you for that!

56

interesting thread. I have an arch D; she’s wavering right now. I’ll re-read through this all.

we are midwest flyover state. There’s a Div 2 U in our state that’s sort of looked down on. But this summer i met an intern in our Senators office in DC; she had graduated from that school and was headed to Harvard Med school in the fall. I did a double take on that one – and realized smart people can be at every school! she has no undergrad debt.

@mathmom – so if a kid is a sophomore arch major, and contemplating changing, what would you recommend? any ideas? She’s thought of being an art teacher . … she’s intellectual, and did quite well in HS. She’s just not sure about it all…

57

We had one kid go to community college, changed majors several times, and then caught the PoliSci bug. Transferred to our state flagship. Ended up interning on The Hill in DC after graduation, now has an entry-level paid staff position. Did she know her path, exactly, when she was a freshman? Nope. Things did not begin to gel until late in her junior year, and it wasn’t until winter break of senior year that she told us she was headed east after graduating.

The other kid attended a fancy private HS on scholarship and was surrounded by a lot of affluent kids looking to attend prestigious colleges. She definitely looked down her nose at ALL of the affordable choices. She molded her application list around a certain STEM major. She was accepted to schools we could not afford, and other schools we did not want to pay for.

In the end, we told her to pick between a full tuition scholarship at an OOS public flagship or a full ride at an OOS public flagship or community college. She begrudgingly took the full ride, feeling like she had no choice, and feeling that she was going to go to school with a bunch of dummies.

Mid-summer before heading down to school, she did a 180 on her declared major, turning away from the STEM major she based all her applications on. She discovered a pre-health major she was interested in, and applied to the program. This year, she is doing so much more outside of attending class and studying. Frankly, it’s good to see some balance.

Long post to say, in our experience, our kids’ paths have been twisty-turny, with changes o’plenty. We’ve seen both kids gripe, then make the most of the situation at hand.

I am really, really, really glad we put our foot down about our budget and didn’t allow the peanut gallery or our children convince us to sell a kidney or borrow $$$ when there were good, affordable options right there on the table.

Just my opinion, but I think there is some serious psychology going on, messing with our heads. The free or least expensive options are somehow diminished in value in our minds. The most expensive, most exclusive options are elevated. Status seeking is a thing in our evolutionary biology, no?

Good luck on your decision. It will all be in the rearview mirror before you know it.

58

If it were my kid, I’d limit their loans to their federal loans, period. So he can take what you can contribute plus the federal loan amount plus what he can earn summers & part time during the year, and work from there. He doesn’t have the stats for big merit – that doesn’t make you responsible for jeopardizing your own retirement for him. That isn’t good for him in the long run, either.

59

The tuition benefit is a big part of your benefit package. It’s unlikely that you’d turn down another benefit by reasoning that something better is available. The employee health plan might not be exactly what you want, but it is unlikely you’d turn it down and pay full price for another plan.

People do forego their instate tuition to go to another flagship or similar school because that’s what their child wants but it’s not normally a financially sound thing to do.

I gave my kids a budget and they could go to any school they wanted to with the budget, their loans (not mine) and any other money they could get from state programs, scholarships, school merit money and talent money (one athlete, one theater). They each have patched together a plan that works for her.

A friend works for a private university and her daughter could have gone to that school for about 90% of the tuition but her daughter didn’t want that. Picked a public school, and then did some cc classes, and then part time at the private. It’s all been rather a mess and now the daughter is going to be a full time student at the private. I told my friend that my kids would have been at the private school from the beginning (because that would have been the easiest for me).

60

Our situation is similar. We chose the in state university for cost for child number one. I am not sure it was the best decision. People say “You will find your people” yes maybe but not always. Friends yes but academic peers not always. If your stats are too much different than the average peers of the school you may not be challenged. People may disagree but he is living it. Due to the lack of challenge he is an entire year ahead. This can be seen as good or bad. We have discussed possible transfer. So now we are on child number two and having the same discussions. Any debt over 50k is a lot to be saddled with at their age. How do you find the right fit for the right price? I think it is a tough choice. Good luck with what ever you decide. It is too bad that the cost have become so high we need to have these discussions.