<p>First complete practice test. I just want to know what my essay would score from you all if you were graders and what comments you'd have. (p.s. i couldnt tab so i seperated the paragraphs by a space, in my handwritten version i did not do this i indented)</p>
<p>Question: What motivates people to change?</p>
<p>Response:
An anciant proverb says that, "The motivation for one to change comes from the people that surround them." The motivation for a person to change is directly affected by the people around them. This is evident in the play, Death of a Salesman, and in the life stories of John Lucas and Josh Hamilton. </p>
<p>Arthur Millers award winning play, Death of a Salesman, highlights this external factor which causes change. Through the character of Biff Lohman, Miller shows the negative changes which can occur due to, in this case, Biff's father Willy. Biff is upset with Willy due to the fact that he has caught Willy in an affair. Prior to this, Biff had a close relationship with his dad and shared the same ideals of hardwork and the importance of success. Unfortunetly, due to Biff's anger with hsi father, he is led to change negativly. </p>
<p>Another example of how personal aquaintances can change a person is present in the life of Harlem gangster John Lucas. Lucas, who moved to New York City to help support his family back home in North Carolina, comes in contact with Clarence Williams III (aka. Bumpy Johnson). Clarence lives vicariously through Lucas, as he needs to pass on Harlem to someone he has mentored. Unfortuntely for Lucas, this leads him to living the gangster lifestyle, and eventually leads to the decline of his entire family. </p>
<p>A final example of change affected by others is present in the Josh Hamilton story. Hamilton, a self proclaimed "Church Boy" in high school gets caught up with a large amount of money and the wrong crowd to help him spend this money. This leads him to drug abuse and eventually his baseball career. Luckily for Hamilton, he realizes that his dramatic change was due in part to these people and he gets his life and career back on track. </p>
<p>The internal motivation for change in a person can be directly correlated to the people which surround them. These examples highlight this change.</p>
<p>Note: I edited some of the typing mistakes i made which were not on the page</p>