<p>I think the kids (and parents) need a little space to be sad and to lick their wounds. And then you keep repeating (hopefully using different words each time) that you don’t love them for what they accomplish but for who they are. You love them for getting A’s, you love them for getting B’s, you love them for getting C’s, you value them for all the reasons that make them good people and kind and sensitive and ethical, and not because of some book award or honor role or outward validation.</p>
<p>And then try to be as encouraging as you can when you see that they’re feeling kicked in the teeth. And try to stifle the urge to wallow or to second guess. (“well if you’d taken AP physics like I told you to instead of taking another semester of Jazz ensemble, who knows how it would have ended up?”) </p>
<p>Just acknowledge hurt and disappointment, and model the kind of resilient “let’s keep moving despite our anger” that is going to get the rest of those essays and applications out the door.</p>
<p>And it never hurts to remind them of times in their lives when they didn’t get a part in a play, were cut from the soccer team, or were passed over for a class office, and it ended up working out just fine- they joined the debate team, the photography club, or took up film editing, and now they love that activity and wouldn’t dream of ever dropping it.</p>
<p>Hugs to all of you. It hurts.</p>