What's the silliest thing that made you miss your college kid?

Parent Cafe
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Time just time spent…and the closing of a chapter! Regardless of what the eternal optimist inside tells “me” the chapters do not just get better. There is a point where you realize or just know is coming where the “best years” are truly behind you ;(

I’m not there yet, but I feel in the next 4-6 I will be there.

Raising kids, teenagers, college etc, is all fun and as a parent when that ends after 21 years per kid…you look around see wrinkles, feel the aches, look in the mirror, and realize the best years aren’t ahead anymore. That doesn’t mean life becomes cruddy, but I don’t think anyone can say “honestly” that life is actually better once you are a empty nester…couple that with natural aging and it is truly bittersweet!

That is my opinion at least.

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I miss them sometimes when I think of something they’d really like. D pointed out how much nicer and fluffier our clouds are than the ones she sees in LA, so when I see our fluffy gorgeous clouds I think of her.

For S, when we eat a meal or go somewhere I know he’d love the food, I think of them. When we go to beautiful national parks I think of both of them, since we’ve been to so many of them as a family.

Neither of them have lived with us for an entire year since 2006 and 2009, so we’ve had time to adjust.

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The Haunted House Park. Was talking to my kiddo the other day, waxing nostalgic about how much I miss going to the Haunted House Park with her this time of year. We’ve been doing it as a family since she was about eight, and it was a sincerely beloved tradition. It was more fun than Christmas. We always looked forward to it.

So, today my 21 year old calls me and says…Hey, I think I might be able to swing coming home the first weekend of October. Do you think we could go apple picking, and carve pumpkins, and go to the Haunted House Park? I don’t know whether she’s indulging me, or herself…but I’m so happy about it, I don’t care. Looks like her best friend will be with us that weekend, too. Will be like old times, and I can’t wait:)

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“but I don’t think anyone can say “honestly” that life is actually better once you are a empty nester”

I have to disagree. And I’m sure this is case by case and different for everyone…but I am feeling very optimistic about the future and looking very forward to adventures in grandparenting someday:) I’m looking forward to visiting my kiddo’s first home, seeing her life in action…seeing what she builds. I’m guessing it’s going to be something pretty amazing.

Do I miss my kiddo? Bigtime. But she’s way tolerant of my crazy…and talks to me on the phone most days, sends texts, tons of photos, and keeps me updated of her life. And she sets some boundaries, too. Like, if she’s got a very busy week she might text…Hey, won’t be able to call for a bit, I’m swamped, catch up this weekend! And that’s cool. Sometimes she’s got friends staying the weekend, and we might catch up during the week. But we catch up. We poke each other and send jokes, and pictures of our day to day crap, and include her dad in a group chat…and it’s just nice. Feels like we’re still very much connected.

The really cool part…is that I know my kiddo is on her way to being 100% self sufficient. She’s responsible, pays her own bills, works incredibly hard, and picked a marketable degree. She has the skills she needs to hold her own in the world, to create any life she chooses. I’m insanely proud of that.

The empty nest thing…takes some time. It actually can grow on you. But you have to work at it a little. Fill your life up with some new ways for you to stretch and grow, too. While your kids are spreading their wings…spread yours a little, too! Nurture your relationship with your long suffering spouse. Appreciate everything. Reconnect with your identity.

Nostalgia is dear…and it’s easy to succumb to it…

But while those little kid years are near and dear to my heart…I also remember the stress of stretching a buck, the early morning rush to school, the constant demands, the lack of sleep, the stress of a younger marriage that isn’t broken in enough to have sorted itself. Those years were not all ice cream and rainbows. LOL. There were some tough times in there!

So here’s my advice…when waxing nostalgic…try to remember the crappy times, too! The times you were overwhelmed. The day you took care of kids while you were sick as a dog. The last minute cupcakes you didn’t know you were supposed to make. The endless wrapping of giant toys after midnight Chrstmas eve when you felt like passing out. The drain and toilet clogged with Orbeez! The fight you had with your spouse…not because there was anything real to fight about…but because you were both exhausted and feeling unseen and unheard because you were overwhelmed with the long hours and challenges that come with parenting. The car problems. Taking the kid to the dentist. The first pet that died. The time your kid first looked at you with the same look you gave your own mother when things were less than peachy… Remember the toxic awful stuff, too! LOL. It helps!

And then, just be grateful and grow. Embrace being adults together with your kids. Enjoy the ride. You might have changed trains, but it’s far from over!

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It is the basket of stuffed owls in the corner of D2’s room that gets me. We used to “play owls” at bedtime every night and when I got her up in the morning. Sometimes they are waiting on her bed with a “Welcome Home!” sign when she comes back. :slight_smile:

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I loved the days having them home before they went off to college but I also love the independent adults they have grown into. They are growing in such fascinating ways–some predicted and some surprising. I’m so grateful they are willing to help ME with my nonprofit with their new skills as well.

Now that they are independent, H and I are doing things WE want to do. Some of those things include the kids and some are just the two of us. Life was great then and is also amazing now. I feel very blessed.

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Thanks @MaryGJ . While I miss both of my kids., I too am happy as an empty nester. To me it is simply another phase of life.

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I think OP asked what was the silliest thing that made you miss your college kid. Missing her does not mean that I am not enjoying my time with an empty nest. I have my consulting work, my sorority / charitable work, spontaneous drinks and nights out with friends. I enjoy not having to get up at dawn and as much as I miss being a volleyball mom, to be honest I don’t miss the expense, travel, and brutal practice and game schedules.

My D calls me or texts me often. Now that she is a senior and making some major long range decisions, she will call to just ask a question or run something by me. Today, I got a series of pictures of outfits for her senior pictures. Yesterday, it was a conversation about a conference she is attending.

So, yes silly things make me miss her, just like a smell, a song or some other random thing makes me miss my mom who passed away years ago.

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The most bittersweet thing for me, is the lonely, empty music stand. I miss his clarinet concerts desperately. He doesn’t play at home anymore when he is here on short breaks. He played just about every night for ten years and the house seems insanely quiet now, with my evenings lacking a pivot point.

And I totally get what Powercropper said about moving seats at dinner. we have had that music stand in the same spot since second grade, but when he went to college, I moved it upstairs so it couldn’t mock me every night.

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Making him a good breakfast every day, and then giving him a big hug, after he comes down from his bedroom to eat. Making him a bowl of ice cream after dinner, and bringing it to him while he was hard at work studying. Talking to him about life and his dreams, in the car on the way to school. Seeing him compete in his sport and rooting for him. Just seeing his pale blue eyes everyday.

Boy, it’s hard. He’s far away and I only get to see him a couple of times a year now. But, on the bright side, it’s been shocking to see how mature and responsible he’s become in just one year. No parental nagging necessary anymore. He’s self-motivated and always on top of things. I can also rest easy because he was lucky to be admitted to a fantastic school, where he feels completely at home and has many friends. It’s bitter sweet to have an empty nest. I often feel alone, even depressed sometimes, but I am also very proud.

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I never thought I’d say this, but her bathroom is too clean!!! I blow-dry my hair in there and I’m used to moving all of her stuff out of the way. Now there’s no more stuff. :frowning:

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He’s eating breakfast down the hall right now, but reading this thread makes me miss him already.

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When the dog will go sit in D’s “spot” on the couch… as if looking for her snuggle partner

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When we have to decide should we or shouldn’t we when it comes to running the dishwasher at night. When the kids were home the dishwasher was full every night. No decision had to be made. Now is like well its 40 % full but I really will want that salad bowl tomorrow.

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I never realized that I had a mental checklist of “where are my kids?” running through my head when I went to bed at night until sometime in the first week when I realized the source of my uneasiness was that I would no longer be able to answer that question for my D pretty much for the rest of her life, and had to retrain my unconscious mind to ignore her.

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Ditto mowing and doing other chores without him. We used to joke around alot while we worked. Without him the work is just drudgery and makes me feel tired and put-upon.

I have packed and sent two care packages, and taken him out for meals twice. I am grateful no contraband dogs sniffed out the last odd package of sausages and shirts. It was a relief also to see his sparkling eyes in person, and the glow he has from playing frisbee 2 hours a day!

I’m glad he’s happy in his new chapter, but also never want him to doubt his great importance to me. When he says, “Love you,” it’s the most real statement ever. As with others here, my best statements of love for him are made of food.

I am actually surprised otherwise that life goes on.

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@NashvilletoTexas When my son left for college a couple years ago (first child to go), I remember thinking when we got home that after 18+ years of pretty much knowing where he was the vast majority of the time (and least within some general locale) and who he was with and having him sleep in my house for all but a handful of nights (and even those nights knowing where he was), I went to having no idea where he was or what he was doing. And it was faster than an overnight change because the change happened as I walked away from his room after dropping him off. Was something of a shock to me.

And had I actually thought about it, I would have gotten there before it happened. But with everything going on getting him ready, I didn’t think about it. Was prepared for that concept when I dropped off kid #2 last month.

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The spontaneous backrubs I got when working on the computer.

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He likes to wind the grandfather clock, so I always left it for him.
It needed winding today.

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Nighttime. It’s when we talked about things that mattered. Saying goodnight.