It sounds like there could be more going on here than just cold feet. The athletic part of the puzzle seems to be offering some choices that maybe were not considered viable options earlier.
If the student is wanting to be part of a sports community, that “fit” can vary greatly with style of coaching, level of competition in league, and the players on the team.
I suggest you focus on which team will be the best fit. And by that I mean which team your D thinks will be the best fit.
Being part of a college sports team will shape your child greatly. Teammates will eat, sleep, study, work out, and travel together. This will be her family. Her coaches will be like her parents.
Sports parents with college athletes can chime in here. You can pick the best league, but your child may not get much time in the game. They may sit on the bench for the first year or two. Would your child rather play more freshman year in a less competitive league?
Find out all you can about coach and reputation. Does coach yell and scream and demean the players? What is your child’s personality, and what type of coaching style seems to work best for her?
All of this sport stuff is in addition to “would your D pick this school even if she could not participate in this sport”.
Good luck to you. Keep your own opinions to yourself. Ask questions and try to get D to be honest with how she really feels.
Update: daughter received acceptance. We are awaiting merit/FA. St Mary’s does not offer track and field. Daughter wants the option to consider training at ND and if all goes well, she will attempt to gain the opportunity to become a part of the team and seek a transfer. Her grades are good, solid ACT. She likes the Industrial Design program which includes the arts/science and design aspects. Many of the classes in this major she has had in high school, and taken many art classes to include painting, graphic design, drawing, pottery/ceramics…the only class she hasn’t had is welding and my husband’s family member has a welding business for custom fabrication.
As a student at St. Mary’s she can take some classes at Notre Dame. If she chooses to not run she can stay at St. Mary’s all 4 years. (We are hopping the numbers come in at where we need to be as a family.)
We are tired of the discussion - however, daughter seems upbeat and indicated her fears of college hit her in April to make a decision. This was at the same time she was recovering from an injury during the basketball season, missing indoor track, and only training 2 and a half months for outdoor track running a 57.8 400 meters.
It would take a 55 second 400 meters to run at ND in addition to excellent grades. Can she, will she… I don’t know. I feel my job as a parent is to encourage her to use her talents. She has never trained year round for any one sport. She has taken many classes for fun at Junior college and local art guild.
Looking at her personality…I believe she needs a school and program that will give her opportunities. The Iowa school could and I believe St Mary’s could. It is her choice within the budget allowed.
I did not mention the notebook thrown away to her. But as a rule. a half empty notebook is still useable. So I pulled all the used pieces out and threw them away…accept for the one page of writing. That I will keep for myself. Someday I will give it back for her, when I feel she is ready.
I do not think you should give the paper back to her. Whether or not it was an invasion of privacy to pick up the notebook, I can’t imagine it would do her any good to know you had read that private page.
Putting aside the college discussion, I want to weigh in on the journal discussion. DO NOT hold on to that page with the intent of later handing it back to her! It’s one thing to stumble across it and admit it immediately, maybe a little apologetically, entirely another thing to hold on to it and reveal that you’ve been keeping this tidbit secret for months or years. My mother did this to me, producing the pages and quoting my younger self back to me. I was devastated that not only did she feel free to read my inner most thoughts, but that she would wait until the proper moment to show me how misguided I was. I didn’t need reminding and I didn’t appreciate her snooping. Your daughter may be different, but maybe not.
This is one of those threads that I regret reading. It just makes me grit my teeth.
@mother of dragons. I’m sorry you regret reading this thread. I have gotten excellent advice and messages from the CC crowd.
And yes… The stress of revisiting college choices for this 50 year old has been trying. But I am still committed to her making the final choice and offering financial and emotional support.
I want her entering either school with a clear head. Her change of heart was her decision alone. We were not told till after she visited with her sister.
I agree with wiseacre. Some of us do not have kids who share everything with us, who have a clear path to their lives. They don’t know which school is best, whether they should go big or small, major in art or chemisty, work at an internship or just take the job that pays more for the summer and isn’t all that fascinating. I get information about one kid from the other sometimes (some tattling, but some because one has confided in the other, knowing it will get back to me). I find clues in the trash too, or in the laundry, left in the car, on the kitchen table… Wiseacre’s daughter isn’t the first college student to have second thoughts after accepting a place at a college nor the first athlete to decide that she picked the team but the school isn’t quite right. I know about 10 kids who started at one school but quickly knew it was a mistake and transfered before the end of the year. Wiseacre’s daughter realized it before wasting the money, time, tears of starting in Iowa. Good for her and wiseacre.
My kids were sure they wanted to go to different schools and are 2000 miles apart, but right now they are enjoying the summer together and today going shopping with a friend from Kindergarten. Those 2000 miles are looking pretty far apart. It sure would be easier on me if they went to schools that were closer, that had the same drop off and pick up schedule, that shared the same sports teams. My brother and I went to the same school and it wouldn’t have mattered if we were on different continents- our paths rarely crossed even though I could see his apartment from mine and his girlfriend was in the same major as my roommate so our groups sort of overlapped. Big school, plenty of space for us to find our own interests and friends.