I like your down-to-earth perspective. What you say is true. It’s true he’s been through a lot and adapted after tremendous change. In addition he knows how to cook a few basic dishes, do his laundry, flag a taxi and go shopping alone in a developing country, fly globally and nationally alone (he knows how to navigate international airports alone), has his own small, very small, bank account and debit card (which he handles responsibly), understands banking fees, has managed a doctor’s visit with a local physician alone competently using his own health insurance card, and probably has other experiences and advanced skills I can’t think of now.
I haven’t let him make flight reservations, because I’ve become practiced at ferreting out the cheapest tickets. I’ll have to show him the ropes.
He doesn’t know much about taxes other than they must be filed if you have enough income, but he knows about turbotax.
He’s accompanied me since he was a baby to polling stations to vote and observed the whole process.
You make a good point. He’ll probably be fine. I’m the one who’ll suffer most from anxiety.
However, I do hold, as you seem to as well, that helping him think through the minutia of what he may have to contend with, maximize his knowledge of potential issues and have him set strategies for success and for worst case scenarios is the correct approach. The devils in the details.
I’m not going to just throw him into the deep end of the pool without knowing how to swim.
In addition to the reassurance I’ve received on this site, many members have presented ideas that hadn’t yet occurred to me. This forum is of great value.
Earlier this evening, I almost started to cry when I thought about your plan and how I would feel if that were me, being apart from my children for a year and a half, with no hope of seeing them, at home or where they live. Is there anything you can do so that you can be with each other, in person, at least a few times between orientation and winter break of sophomore year?
@mreapoe, you may want to consider having a temporary guardian/advocate for him, at least for the first few years. I am the temporary guardian for a boarding student at my kids’ high school (they are now in college). I take him to off-campus events, and deal with medical issues, such as Epipens and vaccines.
I do appreciate your more cautious point of view. It’s also valid.
He will have to ‘take care of himself’. I do worry about that, because it involves more careful thought and communication with professors, administration and a counselor regularly if you have LDs than otherwise. Fortunately, for now his LDs are well managed with a combination of medication, accommodations and (from my perspective) his ability to develop excellent relationships with his teachers. For example, he tells me that he hangs out when he can with his chemistry teacher talking about things that chemistry nerds talk about. This will continue to serve him well in college. He’s also learned to respect boundaries.
I hope he can stay on top of it all. He needs knowledge and a plan and just follow the plan. As part of that, at least during the first semester, we’ll use skype chat regularly…
Again, you have a valid point that I respect, but this is the best I can do for now given our particular constellation of circumstances.
It makes me want to cry as well. If there is a way, I’ll figure it out… I’ve formally requested the financial aid department to review my financial data and revise the aid package. They said they would be back with me this week, which is drawing to a close. If they were to increase the grant, then an additional visit might be possible. We’ll see.
It isn’t true that other posters don’t have kids with LDs. My youngest went off to college 2,000 miles from home, and has an LD. It sounds like to OP’s son has some practice at advocating for himself and is willing to request and use his needed accommodations. To me it sounds like he will be okay.
I was referring to the poster with a similar situation but who stated explicitly that the child did not have an LD. Sorry to be unclear. Of course there would be others with LD’s here, so didn’t mean to imply otherwise- just the one post that clearly stated that wasn’t an issue with her long distance (iAsia-based)college kid.
Every child is different. One of mine has serious health problems and is 3,000 miles away, but for grad, not undergrad. One of mine has ADHD and 3 hours drive was too far. We are all influenced by our own experiences.
This parent posted with concerns about hers. I didn’t raise the concerns, she did. It seems like the parent was looking for reassurance rather than validation of her concerns, and that’s fine too.
Didn’t mean to post again- got a notification- will bow out again.
Originally I was seeking new ideas and perspectives. I also received reassurance and support which is much appreciated. All the input has shifted and broadened my point of view. That’s what I expected.
@mreapoe I do agree with other posters that gettin in touch with the disabilities services office and making sure that any needed accommodations are in place is a great idea. That and learning about the prescriptions services. While she hasn’t had to use it (yet) prescriptions are delivered to the student health services clinic at my daughter’s school.
The expat kid does have a good knowledge based for getting around. My daughter has no trouble with calling taxis, figuring out bus and train schedules, subway maps, taking airport shuttles, navigating airports, etc. either and has had to do all of these things since August.
I won’t kid you though, it is hard emotionally to be so far away. We do have family and friends a plenty in New England, and all of them are happy to help out as needed. That is reassuring, but in many respects because we’ve lived so far away most of my daughter’s life, she does not know most of them very well. She still looks to us for reassurance and we are blessed that she is a good communicator of both good and bad so far. But that doesn’t take away the reality that in the event of an emergency or serious problem that it would take more than 30 hours to get there. I can say that as this freshman year has gone by it has become gradually easier. The fact that she is happy, doing extremely well academically, involved in stuff that she loves on the side (music) and something she is still learning (a new sport), and is in love for the first time, makes it all good.
I want to add one point that --surprisingly, to me at least–hasn’t been made yet.
I grew up as a military brat. I moved a lot growing up. Sometimes I went to “regular” public schools; sometimes to Catholic schools, and sometimes to DODDS (Department of Defense Dependents Schools.) It was easier to make friends at DODDS. Partly that was because military brats share a common culture. However, most of it was because there were always lots of other new kids trying to make friends too and almost everyone shared the experience of being the new kid frequently and even existing friendships were of 1-2 years duration.
It may have taken your S a long time–1.5 years–to make friends when you first moved to Asia. However, he may have been in an environment in which most of the other students had been at the same school for a long time and their friendships were of many years duration. It’s tough to break into a pre-existing social network like that.
College is different. It’s more like a DODDS. At least one-quarter of the students are NEW each year—all of the freshmen and some transfer students. They are ALL looking to make their first college friends. The sophomores have been friends for a year at most…and remember he adjustment period of being a lowly frosh very well.
It’s FAR easier to make friends in that situation than it is when you’re trying to find good friends among kids who have gone to school from K-7 together and you’re the only new kid or one of very few new kids.
Most college kids do spend a substantial amount of time at the beginning of freshman year trying to make friends. It’s important to make the effort to find friends during this period of time, while others are actively looking. He needs to remember though that making true friends takes time and not expect an “instant connection”–very few other freshmen will make “instant connections.” Still, it should be a much easier environment in which to make friends than that in which he made friends in Asia.
One of my daughter’s is not blessed with common sense. Okay, she’s and airhead. She probably does have a LD as she did have them when she was younger but her IEP was not renewed and she does fine. Average stud3nt, average at sports, average is fine. When she wants something she’ll figure it out. She’s on aN internship now that I didn’t support do she had to figure it all out on her own. She does miss some opportunities because she doesn’t pay attention. She also doesn’t care. She has a license but doesn’t drive. That’s okay because she has a lot of boys willing to drive her places. She makes it work.
And she surprises me. She had a job at a fast food place and did much better than I expected. She now works and gets herself places on the bus. She never has any money but she figures it out. She has friends who have better grades but don’t seem to do better in life.
Update
Since my original post, I’ve developed a much more positive attitude and feel less worried. I feel this is in part due to the many posts that helped me to shift my perspective. He will no doubt figure it out and get help when he needs it. Cheers.