I don’t see any reason to rail on the OP for what was done in high school. Different kids develop executive function at different rates. Some kids need to wean off that support slower than others. I do wonder if this young man has had a neuropsych evaluation to be screened for learning differences? He obviously did enough to get into this school. The parents couldn’t take tests for him at school or an ACT/SAT. But if he would have just fallen and dropped out of high school, that wouldn’t have been a great situation either. There are a reason 18 is the age of adulthood. But not every brain is fully baked at that age and some have other challenges that make that transition more difficult. I actually think the mistake was driving the college admissions process. But more than one parent with a scattered young man holds their breath sending their kid off to college for the first time. But I do think the vast majority of the time they figure it out if they able with maybe a hiccup first semester.
And though tuition may not look higher for class retakes, if he retakes a class, isn’t that bumping another class he SHOULD be taking to a later semester? Or is he actually trying to take a heavier load with the retakes? I don’t see how this isn’t pushing out his graduation date? Has he successfully completed a retake of any class?
Honestly, I think if he passes everything this semester with degree requirements in mind, fine. If not, this school is not an academic fit for him. Time to step back. I’d offer him alternatives to complete his education close to home when he is ready. I’d make that offer require both a neuropsych eval (if you have not done that) and a psych eval and possibly trying educational or career counseling of some kind. I would also allow him to come home and work for a bit if he preferred, but I’d let him find his own job. It can’t feel good to need to retake classes. And maybe he masking by partying and focusing on social stuff.
If you are so frustrated and burnt out that these options don’t see acceptable to you, you should seek a therapist to work through your feelings and issues. You do sound very angry. I’m not as quick to jump on someone on the internet because tone and intention is hard to gauge in an online forum. But going from supporting a $$$$ education to cutting him off completely is a very large jump.
I think this money would be better spent by him being in an academic setting where he is likely to be successful with supports and by following up on career and mental counseling and screening for LDs. He is not learning well or taking advantage of the opportunities in the current setting and that to me would feel like tossing money in a toliet. There is no guarantee he will end up with a degree in a timely manner in the current setting given the state of things.