When you think better of someone than they think of you

Parent Cafe
1

<p>So there is this Indian girl at work. She is very strict, traditional, and doesn’t eat meat. One afternoon she was complaining that she was getting fat (and she does this every so often) So I casually said something like (I think my exact words were, ) “well, you’re already a step above other girls because you don’t eat meat” you’re already ahead of the game” suddenly her head snapped sideways and she glared at me, and the first words out of her mouth was, “ IF YOU”RE TRYING TO MOCK ME THEN YOU ARE NOT SUCEDDING. I wasn’t trying to mock her at all, and so I tried to explain. Then what she said was, “WELL, I was only trying to POINT out what was so BLATANTLY obvious.</p>

<p>I was shocked beyond disbelief. I had never in my life intended to hurt her at all. Other co-workers mention stuff about her not eating meat, and she is fine with them. She isn’t even that “chummy” with them either as compared to with me. What really got to me was that the whole time I thought we were friends, and I finally realized that She never liked me in the first place, prejudging me for no reason at all. </p>

<p>This is an Indian girl who has also been teased since she was little, so she must have thought that I was going to tease her. BUT she never would have thought That I was going to tease her IF she trusted me to begin with. </p>

<p>It hurt my feelings that I thought better of her than she did about me. She prejudged me based on my face ( she tells me that people of my ethnicity don’t like her at her school)</p>

<p>I am going to confront her about this on Monday (this happened on Friday). What should I say? I want to go outright and say that sorry, but this isn’t middle or even high school, and nobody is going to mock her. I’m afraid she’s gonna get angry and try to bring me down. She thinks very highly of herself but deep inside she’s insecure. Also, is it not in the Indian tradition to apologize? That is what I heard.</p>

2

<p>Let it go, spend your time with people who are friendly. Maybe you mis-spoke, mabye you didn't. Don't waste your valuable time, unless your one who needs to rescue loser boyfriends too. Then trying to form a bound to fail relationship will be up your alley.</p>

<p>You tried, she responded, let it be her to mend fences. If she won't, what did you lose?</p>

3

<p>I'm not sure of any traditions but I would just tell her what you meant and you didn't mean to offend her. It doesn't seem like she has many friends so it would be nice if maybe someone reached out to her.</p>

<p>I'm not sure what offended her with the comment you made. Maybe she thought it was an anorexic comment or something? I don't eat meat, and I don't see what is so offensive. But if a lot of people comment to her about her habits maybe the last straw was you. I can usually deal with people poking fun but it gets to a certain point where I'll get annoyed and the next person who makes a comment I'll blow up at them.</p>

<p>Also, as someone who was teased for a long time, and mostly by people of a certain ethnicity it can be hard to not judge. If I didn't already have friends of that ethnicity I might have judged myself. I also stuck to my belief that a few idiots shouldn't speak for an entire group of people, though I can understand it can be hard. </p>

<p>After being teased for a long time its hard to trust people. Depending on the person those types of things can have life long effects. I'm 18 now & off to college, and was mostly made fun of in jr. high and maybe 9th grade, but I've yet to overcome the things what were said to me and I know that no matter what my confidence and trust will never be where they once were.</p>