Can’t recall the poster (maybe @ChoatieMom?) but they sometimes re-post as these threads and questions come up. Basically someone asks (often judgmentally) something along the lines of “How could you send your kids to BS?” or the like. The response includes language correctly framing the “missing out” aspect, “sacrifices,” etc.among other things. It’s a perfect response and I’d like to share it with someone but cannot find it.
This?
ChoatieMomSenior Member
There have been many threads on this subject over the years. It never gets old. I will try to find more links when I get more time, but here’s one and another and yet another . In the meantime, perhaps others can add to the list.
Best response, though, is to smile and nod. You do not need to justify or explain your decision to anyone. To anyone who was sincerely curious, I simply explained that our son found what he was looking for in the school he chose and we allowed him to go. Though we missed a lot, he missed nothing. After all, it’s all about him and not about us. I never offered anything that could potentially make the local options seem inferior. Should a conversation appear to be going south, you can always excuse yourself to freshen your drink.
Our son’s choice of a service academy for college brought out waaaaaay more idiotic questions than BS ever did. I got quite good at saying, “I know! What the heck was he thinking? He’ll probably just get himself killed and then all that boarding school money will have gone to waste. Excuse me, I really must find another martini.”
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This is one, but a short one
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Many thanks to you both!
I must say that COVID made some of that easier for me. I’d comment about how I’m a single parent of an only child, and after lock down, sending kid to BS ensured that kid would be able to see other people their age.
I’ve also used the Hogwarts for Muggles explanation.
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I always agree with them… that I miss my son terribly and that it IS hard on the rest of the family not to have him home. But, then I pivot to the notion that depriving him of the boarding school experience which he has always wanted would have been incredibly selfish on our part and we love him too much to stand in his way. The growth and maturity he’s exhibited shows that he knows exactly what he wants/needs. What kind of parent would I be if I said no to that? (Financial contingencies aside obv)
I think there are a few kinds of boarding school kids out there. Some are forced to go by their parents, perhaps due to legacy or situation or maybe they are committed to giving it a try but aren’t 100% there at the time. Maybe they come around and maybe they don’t. Some may be escaping a rough situation at home where boarding school is a relief. The other group, which is probably the largest, are the kids who have an intense desire for a culturally rich, unique, social experience for high school. These kids are hardwired to be independent, curious and adaptable. They just want MORE. It doesn’t mean they don’t love their parents or siblings or their home or local friends. On the contrary, these kids have a firm foundation of love and support so they feel emboldened to take risks like BS at age 14.
My second child will most likely stay local for HS and that’s the right choice for him. Different DNA. If the above doesn’t convince the judgmental questions, I usually get off the hook when people realize I’m not just looking to become an empty nester extra early.
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