Why have parents gone crazy in the last 10 years?

<p>Meanwhile, this thread has shown up: <a href=“BASIS Silicon Valley: should I send my son to this private school? - Parents Forum - College Confidential Forums”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1638740-basis-silicon-valley-should-i-send-my-son-to-this-private-school.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>^^^
I was thinking the same thing. </p>

<p>^^^ EllieMom, Thinking the same thing as who? Who were you referring to?</p>

<p>The juxtaposition of the two threads is one of those things that make you go “hmmmm.” </p>

<p>As long as the desire to apply to HYP comes from the student rather than the parent, I don’t think applying is a waste of time. Dream schools do indeed offer extraordinary resources and experiences. The internet offers vivid descriptions of such colleges, so naturally more people will apply.</p>

<p>Parents need to manage the expectations-- by first looking closely at whether their child has the academics AND the hook required for possible admissions. A national-level ranked pole-vaulter from Montana with a 35 ACT and a Shoshone grandparent—well her chances are sky-high. Such an imaginary candidate would bring all sorts of unique qualities to campus. Admissions do not want a freshman class of identical, northeast-corridor suburban violinist/debater/NHS presidents. So, if playing a string instrument, be a Yo Yo Ma.</p>

<p>Yes, parents need to separate themselves from the brag factor. Just because Dad and Mom are affluent or successful in their field does not mean their kid is entitled to an Ivy slot. Often admissions is the first hurdle that M&D cannot manage with dollars. (Though many are trying via tutors, prep courses, and private coaches.) </p>

<p>Still, students emerge from all corners of the world with imagination, grit, brilliance, and generosity of heart, so admissions continue to search for the rare gems. They need to send in those HYP apps despite the odds, so they can be discovered.</p>

<p>And if the HYP (etc., etc.) adcoms aren’t able to see the glitter…those students should know there are other places where their talents will be polished and set to shine just as beautifully. (I love to extend a metaphor; can’t help myself.) </p>

<p>@snarlatron‌ </p>

<p>You shouldn’t generalize based on comments in a forum.
Just because squeeky wheels make noise, does not mean that they are even close to the majority.</p>

<p>Threads that get a lot of comments tend to be controversial. And there are plenty of wonderful threads about people who don’t have those viewpoints (there was a great one about colleges for the B student IIRC).</p>

<p>Keep things in perspective. Only about 1% of all HS seniors applied to Harvard and of them only a small subset of them post questions/comments on CC and of them, only a subset post anything like your are suggesting. Look at the thread about rejected from all colleges. 268 comments (although a lot more viewed), and of course some people commented multiple times. In that thread you will find a lot of different views. Bottom line: even in that thread it isn’t a lot of people posting what you said.</p>

<p>It annoys me when I see all the parents on here that know their kids classes and gpas and sat scores and everything. And probably wrote their college essays for them. My parents would never do that…</p>

<p>Most people don’t even know that very elite schools can be less money than others. So that’s not the main reason for most of them. Don’t lie people!</p>

<p>@dsi411‌
A parent should know their child’s scores. Especially when the parent has to be the GC. It’s a little difficult to say what parents shouldn’t know when you are still in high school and have never been a parent. Come back to CC in 35 years when you’ve been the parent of a student with an inferior GC. </p>

<p>In Snarlatron’s defense, he/she didn’t say it was the majority, just that this “only an elite school will do” attitude is common on CC and that seems like an accurate statement to me. I read an article somewhere about how we are becoming a nation of anxious wimps and I think this elite school movement is connected to that. There is definitely a zeitgeist of worry – about the foods we eat, the air we breathe and the opportunities are children will have if they don’t get A grades in advanced subjects in HS and do an EC they are passionate about so they can go to big name college. And this isn’t all misplaced or dreamt up out of nonsense, but our worry about all these things and the importance we attach to them is not congruent with common sense. The idea that opportunity for a good or better or important life – pick your desire – can only be found at a USNWR top 20 is naive to the extreme. Those are all great schools, but it’s such a mistake for parents and especially kids to think that all is lost if they don’t go to one of them.</p>

<p>@dsi411, I’m a homeschool mom, so I know all my kids’ grades, GPA’s, and test scores. I AM their GC. But I most certainly did not write my daughter’s essays–she’s better off for it.</p>

<p>I couldn’t agree more with the OP. Exclusivity is all that seems to matter to many parents and HS students. It’s quite sad really.</p>

<p>Thank you @doubtful, some have put words in my mouth. What I said in my original post is that certain disturbing parent attitudes have been increasing, that those attitudes are well-represented in posts to CC, and that these mindsets weren’t as widespread in the past. Thank you again for all responses, this has turned into an informative and enlightening thread.</p>

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<p>I’m a horrible writer compare to my D. Of course I should know my daughter’s stat. If I’m possibly shell out in excess of $240K, I sure hope I need to be involved and have a say one way or another. If it’s free, then I probably less involved.</p>

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<p>I disagree. I think cost has little to do with it.</p>

<p>I think the college rankings system is mostly to blame here. It has fostered a culture of elitism, and this elitism has corrupted the college search process. </p>

<p>@dsi411 said: “It annoys me when I see all the parents on here that know their kids classes and gpas and sat scores and everything. And probably wrote their college essays for them. My parents would never do that…”</p>

<p>Color me one of those parents. I actually put my kids’ report cards up on the fridge with a big smiley face and a Woot! Woot! </p>

<p>Also, once my son started the process, I used the net price calculators on different college websites; so, I was very aware of the fact that the Ivy League school to which he wanted to apply had incredible financial aid for a family at my socio-economic level. An excellent financial aid package was paramount for our family.</p>

<p>Maybe I’m just jealous</p>

<p>My parents kind of looked at me and said “lol” I love my parents from the bottom of my heart and they worked hard to try to learn as much they could about the American education system, but in the end, they turned to me for a lot of info. I was responsible for determining my courses for the past 4 years and choosing my extracurriculars. Contrary to many parents I know, if I brought home a bad grade, they told ME that I was to take responsibility for the grade and that the teacher was not at fault ( I don’t mind, it worked in my benefit anyways). </p>

<p>However, many of the parents I do know are helicopter parents. They control a lot of what their kid does and if their precious child doesn’t get a class or grade that they want, they will argue with the principal to make it happen. I’m so tired of the sense of entitlement around here.</p>

<p>It is impossible to advise or be helpful to your kid re colleges without knowing all their stats, whether you are writing the check or not. That simple.</p>