<p>Tell your wife about the great NC vacations/trips you can plan around move-in’s/outs and visits.</p>
<p>Is this a money issue? Because that puts it in a different light if it is. If you have two additional kids to put through college, and your D would need a lot more in loans at Elon (and wants to be a teacher), THAT would be a rational reason for her to make the in-state choice.</p>
<p>collegedadguy:
It seems to me that you have 2 things going on: emptying nest with a child going away, and a personality type who is more risk averse, less open to change. First, with the understanding that your D will go to Elon . . . I would advocate building up your wife in terms of what a great job she’s done raising 3 kids who are independent and ambitious and setting out confidently to make their way. This really is a wonderful achievement on her part especially given her tendency towards the safe choice. Acknowledge that it is hard to let go, but that the point of all the hard work that she’s put in is that they are able to go and make their way in the world. She had a controlling family and she’s stepped out of that mold to a degree already. Give her some props for raising strong children and the “if you love them, let them go and they will fly back” routine.</p>
<p>I live in Massachusetts and have a daughter at Elon. Feel free to PM me with questions. </p>
<p>It wasn’t easy for me to let my daughter go 800 miles away to college, but I remembered: ITS NOT ABOUT ME. It’s about what’s best for her, and what she wants. </p>
<p>My daughter told me she loves where we live, but she’s lived here her whole life. She thinks she wants to eventually return here to settle down and raise a family, but she decided college was the perfect time to try something new - and she’s completely right. College is the time to spread your wings, see a bit more of the world, broaden your horizons and your perspective. This is her chance to see what it’s like to live somewhere else.</p>
<p>I know people who’ve told their kids they have to stay close to home for college and frankly I feel sorry for those kids. If a kid chooses to stay near home that’s fine, but to not be given a choice simply because the parents are afraid to let go… that’s limiting to a kid, and if it were me, I’d resent it. To tell your daughter that AFTER she was told she could go wherever she wants… that seems cruel to me. Better to be honest up front then to tell your daughter she can go anywhere, only to tell her she really doesn’t have a choice after all.</p>
<p>FYI, Elon has a very well-respected School of Education.</p>
<p>Talking up all the benefits of Elon may help too. It’s a safe, beautiful campus with a great reputation. And if your D did go to to ISU and hated it, guess who would get blamed.</p>
<p>I remember a very-well respected, long-term guidance counselor at my kids’ high school telling us we only had input on 2 things for college searches: FINANCES, and SAFETY. Outside of those money and safety, we needed to let our kids decide where to go. Otherwise he warned us that we would spend the next 40 years sitting at holiday dinners listening to our kids blame us for ruining their lives by not letting them go to the college they wanted to attend!</p>
<p>It doesn’t sound like this has much of anything to do with Elon as a school. Mom is having trouble letting go - controlling dad died in last year - she’s not a risk taker wing spreader (except she married the guy who managed not to hang himself with all the rope his parents provided). I still vote for getting to yes through flattery and acknowledging that it goes against her grain a bit but she’s done her job well now she needs to let D reap the fruits of her labor and follow her heart.</p>
<p>I am with HPuck. Our DD is in MA, and we live in CA. I frequently hear “HOW could you let her go SO FAR AWAY?” I simply say “We believe in her, we support her, and that’s where she wanted to be. When she calls, it is great fun to hear about all her adventures - so different from here.” Then I tell them that after four freezing winters, I am praying she will realize that sunny CA has its perks!</p>
<p>I am a mom who had difficulty letting my daughter go away. She went on a college tour and fell in love. After she came home all excited we went back together so i could see what all the commotion was about. I will never forget sitting in the info session wiping tears away because I realized that this college seemed to Be the reflection of her. I knew in that instant it was the school for her and I knew I had to let her go. It may back fire if your wife is dead set against it but for me when I saw how much that school seemed to be made for her, I wanted her to have it as much as she wanted it.</p>
<p>I’m a single mom. I split up with my son’s dad when my son was 4 years old. For nearly 14 years, it has just been the 2 of us.</p>
<p>My son has my personality, my sense of humor. He’s become my best friend. I enjoy all the time I spend with him. We have dinner together almost every evening, even now when he’s becoming more and more involved with high school activities and friends.</p>
<p>When I read threads like this one or the thread about what to do with an empty nest, I get choked up and teary-eyed. I honestly can’t imagine the void I’ll have once he leaves.</p>
<p>But, I also know…from experience…that the thoughts that we build up in our minds are worse than reality. Last summer my son had the opportunity to do a 6 week intensive study abroad program. Part of the committment was that the students call home once to say they arrived safely and not again for the duration of the program. It was a great opportunity for him and one I wanted him to take part in. So, I put him on a plane to a foreign country and for 6 weeks got periodic updates from the program staff… It wasn’t nearly as difficult as I had imagined. I kept busy with work and my own schooling (I’m working on a Master’s degree). I caught up with some friends and spent some time with family. Sure I missed him, but it wasn’t as completely devestating as I’d imagined it would be.</p>
<p>Now, in just a few months I’ll be sending him about 400 miles away to college. I know I’ll miss him, but after he leaves, Thanksgiving isn’t too far away…then Christmas…then spring break (IF I convince him he needs to spend that with ‘mom’ :))…plus unlike the time when he was abroad I can call him, I can email him, I can text him…geez, I wonder if that will make it harder???</p>
<p>Just like a baby bird it’s time to push him out of the nest and hope he soars.</p>
<p>I really feel for your wife. Letting your child go away is such a difficult experience, especially for a mom. You also mentioned that her father recently passed away. That is a major trauma as well. I believe your wife could benefit from having a neutral person to discuss her feelings with, such as a counselor. Even if you think her feelings are unfounded, they are her feelings, and it might help to have someone she trusts who can help her work through them.</p>
<p>Time for a road trip to NC!! Family trip would hopefully help your wife’s angst. A little. Good luck.</p>
<p>Not enough info here yet.</p>
<p>1 - Only thing we know is that “Mom argues that she can have a “college experience” there just as well as anywhere and that since she thinks she wants to teach that it is a very good choice.” Those points are true. OP sdaid wife “just has a felling.” That’s true, too</p>
<p>2- It’s not as easy as folks here saying “tell your wife that she can’t go back on the deal” with the daughter. The rule here is “if my wife is happy, I have a chance to be happy; if my wife is unhappy, I have no chance.” I think the situation calls for more nuance . . . as in letting the wife have more time to ruminate while repeating over and over “well, we did tell her she could go where she wanted to; it is her education, not ours; I lovingly think that what’s best for the kid is that she go to Elon.”</p>
<p>Repeat 1000 times over the next few weeks; repeat as necessary.</p>
<p>When are admission papers due at Elon?</p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1320974-wife-doesnt-want-daughter-go-away.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1320974-wife-doesnt-want-daughter-go-away.html</a></p>
<p>Read the above thread. It was either written by your husband, or there is another family in Illinois you should meet.</p>
<p>Thank you Thumper. In fact I was having a hard time figuring out if the Ill Mom thread mentioned money because I had it confused with this thread. If it is not the same family, I suggest the girls agree to carpool together back and forth to Elon so the families can save a buck.</p>
<p>I am totally confused; didn’t thumper post this thread again? What am I missing?</p>
<p>I re-read the last couple of posts and I’m lost…</p>
<p>Yes, that link takes us right back to this thread… but I think this is the thread that was supposed to be linked <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1322104-too-far-illinois.html?[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1322104-too-far-illinois.html?</a></p>
<p>I’m confused too, but for a different reason – why isn’t your daughter doing the traditional “fouling the nest” – where they become completely unpleasant from April 1 til move in date as a way to make the inevitable leave-taking that much easier?</p>
<p>I think thumper1 intended to post this thread:</p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1322104-too-far-illinois.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1322104-too-far-illinois.html</a></p>
<p>^^thank you all…just read the other thread…um, really?,</p>