My bf is planning to visit me about one or two weeks. He comes from another city so he has nowhere to stay. So I plan to let him live in my dorm.
The school’s dorm has two individual bedrooms and a shared bathroom in between.no shared kitchen or other things) I barely meet my roommate (once or twice every week), we are living on our own. I would just dodge her if I hear voices from the bathroom. But I’m still worry if she minds my boyfriend shares the bathroom with us. What do you think?
Check the policy of your dorm.
I think the school doesn’t allow overnight visitors.
But there’s no one gonna judge about this expect my roommate
Why don’t you ask your roommate? This is such a strange question.
You have to ask your roommate. She’s “gonna judge”. And if she doesn’t like it, he’s out.
If you have separate bedrooms and agree a bathroom schedule for Bf, she may not mind.
Agree-- be considerate and let your roommate know of your plans. Sounds like you plan to do this whether she likes it or not, so at least let her know. Be considerate. You have to live with er after your bf leaves.
You should have a conversation with your roommate. If it were me, I might not mind a night or two but 2 weeks seems a bit unfair. but you should talk to her.
You’re worrying without even broaching the subject. 1) she may not care at all. Problem solved. 2) She may have any questions and you allay her fears by promising your BF’s good behavior (enforce this to him!). Problem solved.
- she has a big problem with it – but any ramifications will be less if you speak in ADVANCE about this.
My daughter lived in a quad for Honors Housing. Two bathrooms. 4 single bedrooms. At various times, her three roomies had guys with short to long stays-- it wasn’t a big deal to her b/c everyone was considerate. If the dude or the roomie had been a jerk or entitled, that’d be a different issue.
At my D’s school there is a security desk and all visitors must be signed in and out. You don’t have anything like this in your dorm? If you do, I don’t see how the plan would work.
Assuming you don’t, you must make sure your roommate is 100% OK with this. If she isn’t and reports you, you could be in big trouble with the housing office.
^^^ College policies vary from school to school. Mine for instance does not have a security desk and you are free to come and go as long as you have someone from the dorm swipe you in. But agreed with the general consensus that roommate’s consent is important and you should ask her directly as soon as possible
As an adult, I have the following questions:
- What does your BF do? Is he in school? Does he work?
- What does he expect this week or two will be like? What do you think it will be like?
- What will he do when you are in classes?
- Two weeks will be too much if you are going to class
I ask this because I wonder if this is a good idea…when you are at class or studying what will he be doing?
Assuming he still comes:
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Read the rules for your dorm. Are you allowed overnight visitors? Allowed if the roommate agrees?
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Keep in mind this is your roommate’s dorm room that she pays for too and she has veto rights about visitors. Also people tend not to be cool with the visitor being in the room when the visitee is not there.
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Do not present this as something that has been decided but that you want her input.
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“My boyfriend, Tom,…I’ve told you about him? Well, he is thinking about coming up for a visit from City. I was wondering if you would be okay if he stayed with me in my room. We would make sure he is not in the bathroom when you would normally need it. It would be in February for about 5 days. When I am at class he will be ???. Would that work for you or is there anything that would make it work better?”
Chances are she’ll be fine with it if you ask ahead of time. Everyone has a dorm secret or two. You may, of course, be asked to hide a secret for her in the future.
I would find out for sure if you are allowed overnight guests. Most universities, if they allow them, limit the amount of time someone can stay in the room. I would then talk to your roommate. Scenario. School doesn’t allow overnight guests. You don’t ask your roommate, she doesn’t approve and turns you into the RA or higher. What you have accomplished is to anger your roommate and if your lucky come away with a warning from university housing. If you ask your roommate and she says no then you need to find an alternative for housing your bf. If she says yes then you risk alienating others in your dorm and perhaps get turned in by them. Even if it’s Ok with the university and your roommate don’t abuse the privilege.
I would make sure your roommates at least know your intentions and that he is there. It could be very uncomfortable for either party to encounter each other otherwise.