<p>I have become very worried about my son, and really don't know what to do. He just graduated from hs. The school he attended is an extremely competitive independant high school. He was always at the top of his class in grade school without studying, but in high school was more bottom of the class (B student :) ) because he had absolutely no study skills. He went through a rough time feeling "dumb", but we thought we had gone around that corner. </p>
<p>He has always had friends, and still does. He has had some bad luck with girls, which always hits him VERY hard.</p>
<p>Fast forward to present. He was accepted to about 6 out of the 10 colleges he applied to, and was very excited about the college he chose (a top 50 LAC). He visited it, and came home on top of the moon. Wanted the t shirt, sweatshirt, always visiting the website, etc. I cannot think of a better fit for him, and it is know for great kids and great academics. H and I were thrilled with his choice.</p>
<p>Yesterday he breaks into tears and tells me that he hates his life, and does not want to go to the college, and that he does not understand why he is no longer smart. He has had some really emotional highs and lows, and rarely seems to be just in the middle. I asked him if something had happened, and he just ignored that question and talked about how he never wanted to go to this college and just knew that he would not get in anywhere else. I am his mom, and know him very well, and I KNOW that he was very excited about the college.</p>
<p>Since we have been concerned about him this summer and his mood swings, we checked his text messages on his phone. Some were to his friends saying how he hated his life and did not want to go on. I truly, truly am at my wits end with this. He comes from a family that adores him, has alot of friends, and is always going out with them. Every time that we start to get very concerned about him, he snaps out of and is his old self, so we think it is just a mood. But now with his break down to me yesterday, I don't know what to suggest. Do I send him to see a counselor? I don't want to suggest to him that we think he has emotional problems to give him even lower self esteem, but I don't want anything to happen to him.</p>
<p>I think you already know you should try to have him see a professional...</p>
<p>But I remember my senior year in hs I was very emotional, crying all the time, hair falling out. I can't even remember why. Just a lot of stress. It's very common. And it is also very common for people to see therapists when they are "hating their life". It absolutely can't hurt his self esteem and neither you now he should be embarassed...in the best school districts, it's weird NOT to have a therapist!!!</p>
<p>I would have him see a counselor. His text message is crying for help. He may have some concerns or issues that he is having a hard time discussing with his family or friends. He may be more comfortable in talking with an unbiased person. It could as simple as his anxiety of going away to school. I don't think it will lower his self esteem if you frame it right. I think it is better you take care of it now before he goes to school.</p>
<p>My younger daughter on the surface also appears to be very happy, well liked, well adjusted. But underneath she is very high strung. It takes a lot out of her to keep up the appearance, and she would breakdown every once in a while, then snap out of it after a melt down. Whereas my older daughter is high maintenance, she complains about a lot of little things. But there is no melt down with her.</p>
<p>I will suggest that you talk first with his doctor, have him checked out physically (he needs a physical anyway, doesn't he, before he goes off to college?). </p>
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He has had some really emotional highs and lows, and rarely seems to be just in the middle.
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<p>I agree with Muffy; he does need to be seen by a professional. Start with doctor, and from there, get a recommendation for someone who can evaluate your son's mental health.</p>
<p>Maybe you can get the doc performing the physical to recommend the mental health evaluation, if you're uncomfortable doing so? Maybe cold feet, maybe something more, but I wouldn't want to send him off to college without knowing.</p>
<p>Get him in to see a professional ASAP! From your description he sounds as if he is depressed and under stress. Take him in today. Sendings good thoughts and hugs your way.</p>
<p>sounds like classic bipolar. And that can be helped with medication. I'm not a doctor, so PLEASE have him checked out. Mental illness is hard to diagnose. The doctor is dependent on what the patient tells him</p>
<p>Absolutely agree with everyone. Particularly with boys at that age sometimes mental health issues will surface...(who am I kidding..sometimes mental health issues surface with ALL of us :))
Time to have him evaluated by a professional and I would also back off on talking about college, the future, etc. Take some of the pressure off him in that regard. Decisions and plans can be rearranged but first see what the pros say.</p>
<p>I have said to this others but I will say it again. When you speak to the intake person at the psychiatrist's/psychologist's office please tell them your son has verbalized that he "does not want to go on." This kind of statement, especially with yesterday's meltdown, signifies a need for urgency and he will be given the earliest appointment. And since college is only about 6 weeks away, timing is very important.</p>
<p>((((((Hug))))))) I am so sorry you are going through this. Like most posters here, I will say take him to a professional immediately. He is crying out for help. he may need meds temporarily. </p>
<p>There is a lot of change this summer and next year. His whole comfort zone....hs.....has been ripped away. It can be crushing for even the strongest. Find someone that is a cognitive therapist. I recommend the book "feeling good". (yellow two inches thick, well respected) My D went through a depression her first semester in college. That book helped along. She carried it with her for a year. </p>
<p>Hug him and tell him you understand and that you are going to get him some help in dealing wiht all that is going on .....give him the book....also tell him that many kids go through this and need help learning how to deal with the emotions that go along with graduating and leaving for college. PM me if you want. </p>
<p>google cognitive therapist for your city....check your medical insurance, they cover 20 or so sessions a year...but get him in weekly or semi weekly (2 x a week) initially, then scale back. Call and TALK to the therapist before sending them...you can get a feel for someone yourself. good luck. I know it is hard from your perspective but please don't ignore his pleas for help. He will be ok, it is hard leaving the nest.</p>
<p>I agree with all of the above posters about having him see a mental health care professional ASAP. I'd also discuss (in a non-threatening manner) your concerns about what you see and I would directly ask him if he has thought about suicide, has a plan, etc. I would also ask him to form a "contract for safety", where he would agree to tell you if he has any thoughts about suicide, plans, etc., so you could more closely monitor him and prevent a tragedy.</p>
<p>I'd suggest a psychologist as soon as possible. MH issues often show up around college age and it's better to deal with any kinds of problems while he has his family support network.</p>
<p>Make an appointment with a psychiatrist NOW. Do not wait. It takes time to get in. Go out of network if you can afford it. From all my friends and their kids on meds, many have been disappointed with the in-network docs. Get a recommendation from a friend or coworker or pediatrician. If things work out well, your son will then be followed when home, over Thanksgiving, Winter break, etc.. so the visits will decrease, hence, less cost for you.
If your son needs meds, they take time to work and you want the level to be appropriate (or close) when your son leaves for college. Med levels are changed or changed to new meds so you need time to do this. (can be adjusted later if need b too.) Many kids develop depression/anxiety in school, so it is important to act now.
If the psychiatrist does not feel your son needs meds he can will refer you to a psychologist or therapist.<br>
Please don't wait.
Good luck and keep us posted.</p>
<p>I don't want to minimize your worries in any way, and feel that the posts above, recommending treatment, may totally be right, but when my oldest was in the summer between senior year and college, he totally had a meltdown, including a hysterically crying scene, and was all over the place emotionally. </p>
<p>It stemmed from his worries about choosing the right college that was far away from home, and not knowing a soul there, plus his sadness of leaving home and all his friends, I think he was just scared of the massive changes. We had a tough couple of months, with some soul wrenching discussions. I was a wreck, he was a wreck.</p>
<p>Fast forward a few months - after he had settled into his new environment, he absolutely fell in love with his college and new life. </p>
<p>This may not be the issue with your son, but I hope it is. I think it is a fairly normal experience. I don't know how to find my old thread (because, yes, I started one because I thought I was going to lose my mind), but there were many parents who posted that they had been through the same thing.</p>
<p>As the other posters mentioned, yes do get him professonal help immediately. My D's best friend recently had an emotional crisis as well. She just graduated from HS and is off to college in the fall. Her parents sought immediate help. She is doing very well now. She was suicidal and very distraught. She is from a stable environment with very supportive and involved parents. For many this is a transition time and mental illness does and often surfaces in young adults at this very vulnerable time. The realization that the comfort of home and HS will soon change and there are new expectations and uncertainties that lie ahead can be overwhelming to many young people about to leave home for the first time. Leaving behind friends and other family members is not as easy as we think and is often overlooked as another social growth development. I wish you and your son the best of health and good wishes.</p>
<p>My inclination would be to pursue having your son see a psychologist (or lisenced social worker). I know the mileage can vary, but psychiatrists (I'm not saying all) may tend to reach for the pill bottle more quickly and spend less time letting your son talk thru his issues. If he needs medication, that route is always out there, but if you start with medication right away, you may get sidetracked dealing with issues because you're dealing with side effects. A trained psychologist will have some perspective on whether this would be a good path after meeting with your son and spending some time with him. I would also be inclined to skip the step of going thru the family doctor (other than perhaps to get a referral): this depends on your relationship with the doctor, but it sure sounds as if your son has some major talking he needs to do with someone and he should have someone who is going to be doing that and nothing else for some chunk of time. Clearly your son is very anxious now and you much be as well. I wish you much luck.</p>
<p>I just want to add that it sounds like your son may have undiagnosed learning disabilities - either ADHD or dyslexia, or both -- that have undermined his performance through high school. This could be the cause of his undermined self-esteem, and the frustration he feels with himself and his inability to get his brain to do what he wants it to do could be the reason he feels so dissatisfied with his life.</p>
<p>The pattern you describe of having run into academic problems when he reached high school is very typical for learning disabilities with very bright kids -- they are smart enough to compensate until they reach a certain point in school. So, for example, your son may appear to read well, but find himself re-reading the same material over and over again to make sense of it (a problem associated with dyslexia) -- or he simply may not be able to concentrate and follow through with his assignments no matter how much he wants to (an ADHD trait).</p>
<p>I know it is late in the game, but I would suggest that you use some web sites to find lists of common symptoms of ADHD & dyslexia and then go over them with your son, as a kind of a checklist or questionnaire. </p>
<p>I think that whenever you have a smart kid who feels "dumb", it's almost a sure sign of a LD.</p>
<p>Also, following bblfraser's comments above -- if you raise these issues with a psychologist or ask for one who is experienced working with kids with LD's, then the psychologist will be able to consider these issues as well.</p>
<p>calmom, for some bright kids, they've spent eight or nine years internalizing the idea that studying and working at school are what "dumb" kids do, because they are smart and they don't have to study. Come high school, they resist studying because 1.) they don't know how; and 2.) it means they are dumb, because of the internalized message. When they find that yes, they really DO need to study, they (think they) have to relabel themselves.</p>