<p>Owlice, the kid should be evaluated and the issue explored. He is exhibiting very classic signs, and actually, according to the parent, has been showing them for years. It won't help the kid to get mislabeled or medicated for conditions he doesn't have. Sometimes depression or despair has a source in real life / real world experiences -- the individual feels overwhelmed, and there may be valid reasons for those feelings. Kids with unrecognized LDs typically get called just about everything else (lazy, unmotivated, etc.) along the way.</p>
<p>calmom, I agree with you that the kid should be evaluated!</p>
<p>Wow....I just checked back to the message board, and cannot thank everyone enough for their concern and comments. It gives me great comfort.</p>
<p>Just had a long talk with him about seeing a therapist, and how I feel it would really help him. I told him that I had noticed for the past month especially that he had been depressed and stressed, and he seemed almost seemed surprised that I had noticed....? He said that he did not want to go. </p>
<p>I emphasized the point that if he did not want to start college in the fall, he did not have to, or if he did go to the college and did not like it, he could come home anytime, and he is not "trapped ". That did seem to help a little.</p>
<p>As far as the LD, I have considered that. He always tests in the 99 percentile on tests (SAT's, PSAT's, etc.) so I know that he is bright. He is an avid reader though, so don't know if that fits the profile.</p>
<p>Bipolar...also another concern. I am just so confused right now. He does seem a bit better today. But he always has a bit of a bounce back after a real low. I don't know how to "force" him to go talk to someone if he does not want to go. I told him that we love him, and that I want him to promise that he can talk to us any time, and that if he feels the need we can get him into see someone ASAP. I am hoping that the fact that he KNOWS we are concerned and aware of his "depression" that it might open up an avenue for him.</p>
<p>Again, thanks to everyone for their comments and concern. I will keep you posted.</p>
<p>cindyma, don't stop suggesting a therapist just because right now your son doesn't want to go. The idea may grow on him, once he gets past the common initial "I'm-not-crazy-I-don't-need-a-shrink" reaction. Suggest he hit google and read up on depression on his own. And suggest he read up on counseling and therapy. Talk to your friends: they may know his peers who do see counselors. (Within the small circle of my 15 yo son's friends, 3 go or used to go to a therapist.) </p>
<p>Your son may be going through a particularly rough patch of growing pains. Or he could be suffering from something a bit more serious. Either way, he needs to know that there's nothing 'wrong' with him or his smarts, that millions of people have been where's he's at right now, and that a little help from a professional could make a world of a difference. </p>
<p>Virtual hugs for both of you.</p>
<p>Consider looking at your family trees to see if you have relatives with MH problems as there are genetic risk factors for MH problems.</p>
<p>cindyma, I feel for you; we have been in similar situation with our son--different mental health issues, but just as serious. When I called a psychiatrist with whom we had a relationship, who agreed S needed to be seen ASAP, I also asked him how in the world we were going to get S to agree to be seen. The dr said, "It's simple--you tell him that you will not send him back to college unless he agrees to be seen and to be cooperative with treatment"--and this was a very low key guy.</p>
<p>To our surprise, S, who can usually make a fully reasoned argument that the sky is of course red and not blue, raised absolutely no objection when we told him we were taking him to a psychiatrist--he knew he needed help.</p>
<p>You should consider telling him--in a very loving and nonconfrontational way, of course--, not suggesting to him, that he needs help.</p>
<p>Good luck to you.</p>
<p>"sounds like classic bipolar." </p>
<p>Not to me....</p>
<p>"Mental illness is hard to diagnose. "</p>
<p>Yes, it is...So get a professional opinion.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Suggest he hit google and read up on depression on his own.
[/quote]
Kind of rough out there. </p>
<p>More Manageable, and vetted information, always user-friendly: dial up NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness); put your hand over the name of the organization, or sweep their quick-and-simple explanations about depression and ask if you can email him some helpful reading. </p>
<p>What if you contacted the MD and asked to schedule the medical exam for college (it's high time, anyway). Talk with the MD beforehand about your concerns. A good MD can pick up on depression pretty well and refer him onward. Bloodwork could be relevant, too, as a diagnostic tool. (I'm not a doctor...obviously). </p>
<p>The reason not to wait is that I'm aware of situations where a student went to college feeling quite anxious with a newly prescribed anti-anxiety medicine from late August, with no time to monitor or adjust it from home. She got all messed up with dosages and lost the first semester completely. August is no time to begin a new medicine, so if that's PART of the approach here, you might want to move a bit sooner. </p>
<p>You approached this so lovingly, and I'm sure he's feeling that, big time. Now that he knows he's not alone with it, perhaps you can revisit it with him.</p>
<p>I assume he's 18 so can do what he wants re health care...maybe give him a list of nearby professionals, your insurance card and credit card and tell him he can make an appointment himself and go and you never have to know about it?</p>
<p>Yes, he is 18. And wouldn't you know that he had his college physical at the start of summer before this all really started.</p>
<p>Yesterday when he broke down and said that he did not want to go to the college he committed to, I asked him where he would go if he had his choice. It was an in-state school that he previously had not show an over whelming amount of interest in....I am thinking that apprehension in going far away from home might be playing into this, as well. </p>
<p>I am letting this rest until later tonight....I don't want to overwhelm him. I will bring up the subject again about going to see someone NOW.....I am not going to let this drop until it is addressed.</p>
<p>How about this as an idea of convincing him to see a therapist--saying that you (Mom) need him to do this in order for you to do your job right as a parent. Also tell him talking to someone who sees alot of kids will reassure him that anxiousness at this time of life is very normal. Telling him that he's doing it for you, too, not just him, might help. Also, tell him that once you know he's talking to someone else, you won't feel compelled to constantly ask him to talk to you!</p>
<p>How far is he going? </p>
<p>How does he typically deal with change in his life? Is it typical for him to get very emotional about things?</p>
<p>Everyone else has already said most of the pertinent things. I'm guessing this is related to the huge amount of change about to happen in his life. In addition to getting immediate help, you should also check in with the college he'll be attending and find out the quality/availability of on-campus counseling, and what they do in terms of helping the new students adjust. I've learned from the school my D will attend that after about 2 weeks, they check with each of the freshmen to see how they are adjusting, if they have any roomate issues that are bothering them, etc.</p>
<p>Following up on arkitex, on a campus tour we did recently at a large state public school, we were impressed with the level of free counseling available to students. I agree about checking to see what is available at his buyer's remorse school -- and at the in-state one he's now considering.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Yesterday when he broke down and said that he did not want to go to the college he committed to, I asked him where he would go if he had his choice. It was an in-state school that he previously had not show an over whelming amount of interest in....I am thinking that apprehension in going far away from home might be playing into this, as well.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I think the key here is not trying to 'fix' the problem as he's portraying it to you. He says it's about a bad choice in school, but if instead of asking him where he wants to go instead (which takes the focus off whatever his underlying feelings may be), reflect back to him how much you see him struggling with some major changes coming in his life. At that point, he may see that the whole breakdown is really about some anxiety he's having about going away, as opposed to the particular school. It may seem to him that staying closer to home will fix the anxiety, but that's a temporary solution. </p>
<p>I think when someone says they don't want to go on, but then says it's about not wanting to go to school where they've committed to, there's a disconnect. When kids who have an otherwise happy life, have second thoughts about where they're going to school, they don't ordinarily articulate it in the way he did.</p>
<p>Regarding your wish for him to see a counselor... how do you think he'd respond to, "I'm really worried about you. I'd appreciate it if you'd indulge me in seeing a counselor three times?" If you give him a specific number that's reasonable in his eyes, he might be more cooperative. </p>
<p>Although I certainly hope it's just all about the transition of redefining who he is in the context of a new leg of his life, you shouldn't take his reaction lightly. Do remember that there are hotlines out there for you to connect with if you feel there's an imminent problem. Those people are great at listening and suggesting resources if you don't feel comfortable talking with any professionals you know about it. They will help you sort out your perceptions of what you're seeing in him, and whether or not it requires immediate/urgent attention (as in today).</p>
<p>I have had a nearly identical experience to your son's, although it was earlier on in my senior year. Fast forward four or five months, and I was diagnosed with ADHD and clinical depression. Don't be so sure about the learning disorder--I too am an avid reader and score well, but when I took an iq test, the discrepancy between certain sections was so statistically significant that the end result was ultimately meaningless, except that it meant I probably had a learning disorder! The longer and longer a child goes with an undiagnosed LD, the more likely they are to develop coping mechanisms that will hide it from others, including parents, although these coping mechanisms eventually can come back and haunt him.</p>
<p>Obviously the consensus here is to get him into a medical health professional, and I can't agree more. If your insurance is good, you might want to try having him see both a social worker and a psychiatrist. Getting my prescriptions and having someone to talk to simultaneously has been invaluable. As others have said, this is the time of year when everyone is stressing--all my friends have started exhibiting classic signs of depression--not eating, not sleeping, not excited about anything, can't muster up the energy to go out, etc. However, when it gets to the extent where he says he doesn't want to go on, while the cause might still be pre-college jitters, it shouldn't be that severe, and it's good that you've realized that and are concerned.</p>
<p>Regarding his desire to attend an in-state school, I'll take a shot in the dark here and base it on what I did--I decided that I was so academically awful it would be stupid of me to waste money on a school I wanted, so I chose a large in-state public. If he's getting significant financial aid for that public, similar feelings of guilt may be playing into it, coupled with a desire to be closer to home and general apprehension. If he's had issues with low self-esteem (just guessing, but you said he had several painful experiences with girls, which could lead to low self-esteem) he may be compensating by choosing a lower-risk school, even though it's not right for him.</p>
<p>Good luck with everythiing--I hope it all works out in the end!</p>
<p>CINDYMA- Sending you a PM now.......</p>
<p>cindyma: my son(s) also are avid readers of quite good literature and scored in the tippy top 99+ percentile on the SAT's, etc. Both ended up being diagnosed LATE with a learning disability (in a similar process to the previous poster). One internalized the "dumb" feeling and one did not, but both ended up feeling better after having seen one psychiatrist, a few psychologists (ed. testing), and cognitive therapy counselor between them. Personally, I would suggest mandating that your son get counseling... if he IS depressed or suicidal, it will help him to get better; if he was just messing around with that text, then it will help him to realize that he should not treat such a serious subject so lightly. You will sleep better at night if you know you checked everything out. He may be 18, but it sounds like you have a close relationship so he will likely do it as a favor to you if you insist. Good luck to your family.</p>
<p>Cindyma - My thoughts are with you - it's so hard to be a parent and see your children struggle through difficult times. I agree you need to get counseling for him right away - I would also suggest contacting the Suicide hotline 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Talk of not wanting to go on, etc. is VERY scary and it sounds like he's been sending out calls for help. It may be that he is simply anxious and trying to get some help and not suicidal, but I would take his calls for help seriously and let a professional make that determination. Good luck to you and your family.</p>
<p>Please have him get a complete health work-up including labs checking his thyroid as soon as possible. He could have a hormonal imbalance or other problem that is leading to depression. Make sure that the doctor knows about the change in your S's behavior and the fact that he is indicating he could be depressed. </p>
<p>Even if he sees a psychiatrist, he will need to have a medical work-up in order to get medication, if the psychiatrist deems medication is necessary. Psychiatrists don't do physicals, so you may as well get the physical now. </p>
<p>In addition, have him see a licensed clinical psychologist or social worker ASAP.</p>
<p>It is well worth it to have him see both a psychiatrist and a social worker or psychologist. Do this even if you have to pay out of pocket for one. Psychiatrists prescribe medication, but they do not provide extensive therapy because in order to make the kind of living that doctors can make, they have to see several patients in an hour. Psychiatrists basically talk to patients to find out if the medication is having effect without debilitating or dangerous side effects. This isn't the same as providing psychotherapy.</p>
<p>Psychologists and social workers provide psychotherapy, typically seeing only one patient in a 50 minute hour.</p>
<p>Make sure that any psychologist or social worker your S sees has a background of working with adolescents.</p>
<p>There are times to put your foot down. This is one of them. Your S is making statements that could indicate that he's contemplating suicide. He needs to see a mental health professional. </p>
<p>One of my friends was concerned that her daughter, a recent college graduate, was suicidal due to statements the D (who lived out of town) was making to her roommate, and also extreme behavior changes the D was making.</p>
<p>The mother was so alarmed that she had her D "Baker acted" which meant that her D was involuntarily committed to a mental hospital because of potentially being a danger to herself.</p>
<p>The D was furious for a while at her parents and said horrible things to them.</p>
<p>It ended up that the D had a brain tumor (which fortunately ended up being benign) that was causing the behavior problems. It was caught early enough to be removed. </p>
<p>The D reconciled with her family, and her life is back on track. If her mother hadn't intervened, however, the D may have killed herself or have had permanent impairment due to the tumor.</p>