would u grade my essay?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>i'm gonna take the sat in June and i'm stucked with the essay! Please anyone grade my essay and give me some suggestions! thank u!! </p>

<p>the topic: IS DECEPTION EVER JUSTIFIED?</p>

<p>the following is my essay~</p>

<p>Told by parents and seniors that deception is awful and forbidden, we believed that all lies are absolutely unacceptable when we were young. However, as growing up, we realized that not all untruths are evil. Lying from a loving heart actually benefits another person.</p>

<p>The well-known story-"the last leaf"-teaches us that white lies are needed in this world. Suffering from the severe illness, the girl thought that she would die when the last leaf dropped from the dying vine outside her window. At a stormy night, the girl's neighbor, Mr.Behrman noticed that the fierce wind grabbed the last leaf away. In order to arouse the expectance for the girl, Mr.Behrman drew a leaf the outdoor to replace the last leaf which was blow away. Undoubtedly, his action was totally a deception. Nevertheless, the lie was from a benevolent painter who tired to pin the last hope of the girl, the last leaf, on the window. After all, white lies which are philanthropic acts are justified, because those are harmless and beneficial to the loved one.</p>

<p>Written by Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby also threw light upon the necessity of deception. Gatsby fell in love with Daisy, while she married a wealthy yet boring man of good social position. Being poor, Gatsby holding that poverty was the obstacle why Daisy married another person instead of himself. Longing to win the heart of Daisy, Gatsby lied about his background and profited by using deception. Even though the deception might made Daisy felt betrayed, stuffing his pocket was the only efficacious way to attract Daisy and telling lies was the only pragmatic approach for Gatsby. Without the part of lying, Gatsby could neither get close to Daisy nor pursuit his true love which could be advantageous to her. Thus, when people decide to hide the truth it does not necessarily indicate that they are vicious ones.</p>

<p>Although deceptions coming from cruelty and selfishness are unforgivable, deceptions coming from the feeling of love are justified. What's more, white lies are obligatory in many occurrences. At the time realizing that bad lies are unacceptable, we should also learn to tell white lies when it is necessary.</p>

<p>i'm pretty new to SAT so i've no idea what score i could get, so pleeeease grade my essay and give me some advices. thanks a lot!</p>

2

<p>i’d say a 7,8 or maybe even 9 on 12…in short, good
Your 2nd example doesn’t really fit in does it, it seems wrong to me?(correct me if i’m wrong)-Gatsby deceived Daisy not knowing if it were for the good, and Daisy was already married…
You also seem to have used big words which seem a little out of place; in the beginning, try and write as you would speak…
Stick to easy language, a verbose style of writing is not required for scoring high :slight_smile:
The format of the essay is fine…</p>

3

<p>How do you know the essay question? I thought you don’t get advance knowledge of essay questions prior to the test day.</p>

4

<p>^i think this was a past SAT promp and that was the essay they wrote…</p>

<p>I would say 8 maybe 9… you only used 2 examples and, as mentioned above, the second one doesn’t really fit. Always try to use at least 3 examples and if you can’t think of any, make something up–tailor your example to fit the prompt. All the graders are really looking for is that you have the ability to support your opinion (thesis) with well thought-out examples. Don’t worry so much about trying to impress the graders with vocabulary, they’ve probably seen most of the words you’re going to throw at them anyways. What’s better is to use varying sentence structures, which shows a grasp of English grammar and technical skill.
Good luck on your future SAT!</p>

5

<p>I only used one example on the May 2010 SAT and got a 10, lmao. All you have to do is make it humorous and throw in a few big words here and than, trust me.</p>