<p>This is my first SAT essay. The prompt was "Can deception ever be justified?"</p>
<p>Essay:</p>
<p>Deception can never be justified whatever the cause. Whenever a person entrusts another, a bond is formed. The most inhuman way of breaking it is through deception. Whether it be an undercover agent's job, Napoleon (of 'Animal Farm') or the recent phone and email hacks, deception is unforgivable.</p>
<p>It was another usual mission for FBI agent Joe Okawa. He was tasked with spying on the gangsters, who were targeting the historical places of New York. He was successful in his mission - he gathered intelligence, worked on being one of the integral members of the group and ultimately, had them cuaght. But at no point did he ponder upon his "comrades'" minds. He never bothered to talk to them as a humane person and maybe, help soothe their pain and reform their ways.</p>
<p>In 'George Orwell's 'Animal Farm', Napoleon spread rumors about Snowball, which forced him to flee. After this, he made the animals work harder than ever before with lesser food than ever. He and the pigs slpet comfortably in their beds, breaking the commandments they themselves had propagated. He lied to the animals saying that their life was much better off under him than under Mr. Jones. He is cunning and deceptive, and uses the animals to his own end.</p>
<p>The recent phone and email hakcs, which rocked Britain and its administration, forced the closure of supposedly "as instrument of truth". The media hained access to classified and private information. They withheld it from the police, resulting in the loss of at least one life. The media failed to do its duty - uncover the truth, and by doing so, it lied to the entire world. Again, these means of deception led to nothing good.</p>
<p>In retrospect, deception can never be a justifiable entity. It may not matter in trivial matters, but to determine whether a matter is trivial or not is no mean feat. Hence, unflinching honesty is the only way forward for the good of the human race.</p>
<p>Your essay is interesting, but not to well worded. I understand the point you are trying to convey but the essay feels very generic. There are moments where I feel you are “trying to hard” (I know, I know, a critique equally as generic). I would suggest you take a slightly less aggressive stance in your essay and really think about what you want to say and how you want it to be said.</p>
<p>Either way, you are off to a good start. The best of luck!</p>
<p>You made a very strong and aggressive stance in your thesis, but your paragraphs aren’t strong enough to support your stance. I was completely lost in your second paragraph. Your fourth paragraph is the closest to supporting your thesis. The second and third paragraphs should have done the same to improve the overall quality of your essay. Your last paragraph is a good one if the rest of your essay demonstrated that “deception can never be a justifiable entity.”</p>
<p>there are several points i want to add to the reply above.
first and most importantly, a aggressive stance is absolutely OK, BUT you need to demonstrate your point. that is, you need to show WHY deception is never justified. for example, you did a great job in the fourth paragraph, which indicated that “deception may lead to a loss of life”, which supported your stance. However, in the second and third paragraph, you failed to do this. the second paragraph seems to have nothing to do with your thesis, and third paragraph,(i happened to have read Animal Farm) provided a excellent example, but you didn’t explain why the deception of Napoleon is bad, (for example, you may conclude that "Napoleon’s deception resulted in the decline of the society that had been painstakingly developed) otherwise people may not be able to get your point in the third paragraph.
Also, you should put an sub-argument in front of each of your examples. If not, people may get lost when they read your examples.
last but not the least, this essay has only 300+words, which is absolutely too short for SAT writing.
personally, i think this essay can only receive 6 points.</p>
<p>hope my suggestion will help! come on!!</p>
<p>I also think that ACT likes to see compare/contrast. It is good you took a stance (although it was not well supported), but your essay would be stronger if you explained how some may feel that deception is appropriate, as deception often is… think Santa, think Survivor, think war strategies.</p>