<p>OK…I haven’t read the whole thread. BUT when I married my husband he WAS a college dropout actually a college flunk out. I had my degree. And when we married, he was working odd jobs. After we were married about a year, he returned to college, got his bachelors degree and has had a VERY successful career in his field for 25 years.</p>
<p>He is a good person…that he had dropped out of college at the time didn’t change that. You know…some folks ARE successful without a college degree…and some finish college on the 12 year plan, not the four year plan.</p>
<p>If this isn’t the question…I apologize for just responding to the title of the thread</p>
<p>thumper1: I know plenty of successful people who never went to college, or went for only a little bit – my partner, for example. Here in Silicon Valley, it’s certainly possible to be very successful without a degree. ON the other hand, it has been a very painful thing for our family in particular, this awkward habit of starting school, getting involved with someone, dropping out or failing out, having children, and taking 20 years to get back to school, if ever. Because of that history, I have spent the children’s entire lives stressing to them how much I wanted them to stay in college. Some parents spend their children’s lives urging them to save themselves for marriage or things like that – my obsession is keeping them in school. :-)</p>
<p>thumper1 – to bring you up to speed the OP has an opportunity to drop out of an Ivy League college and join a startup company. The girl he was dating had a family who would have preferred that he stay in school, hence she is now not returning his calls.</p>
<p>There are all sorts of reasons for dropping out of school. I dated someone who dropped out because his personal angst wouldn’t allow him to finish, (that is my phrasing, not his). The relationship was short lived. I didn’t get along with his personal angst very well.</p>
<p>I’ve also seen premature marriages with children that caused a hasty exit from college, and in general it didn’t play out well. But I was also tangentally able to witness the rise of Amazon, and those kind of opportunities don’t come along very often.</p>
<p>While I value an education I can be persuaded that there are other paths that can be taken.</p>
<p>I’m not entirely understanding the OP’s plans. I don’t think he is joining a start up company. I think he created a start up company and has gotten someone to invest in it. He talks of leaving school to pursue this further. At the same time, he talks of transferring. Perhaps he can clarify the situation.</p>
<p>One author (local to Los Angeles from Iran) who speaks of the Iranian Jewish community is Gina Nahai. No, she is not Sholom Alecheim…but she writes her family’s stories. And they are interesting.</p>
<p>As for “letting” my daughter date someone…First of all as a Jewish mother I learned how NOT to be a potential MIL from my MIL. Unless one sees abuse (sexual, emotional or physical) or a character flaw so deep that it could damage my child or potential grandchildren the rule is keep quiet.</p>
<p>As for dropping out: As a Jewish mother who’s son dropped out of college for a dream job: My son missed some of the fun of college to grow up perhaps too fast. He is very successful in business. This decision is not for everyone. If you have a problem with my son dating your daughter because he doesn’t have a degree, but is very educated because he reads constantly, he doesn’t give a d****. And if you draw the line in the sand with your daughter about the relationship: I’ll welcome her into my family should they marry or seriously date. And that would be your loss.</p>
<p>I have done two start ups. One I was just an employee, another one I was a partner and was the one that got the funding for the company. Both of those companies are doing very well. I sold my share of the one I started, and the other one I am just seeing some benefit of it now, 10 years later. Not every start up survives and not everyone makes millions. I had to sell my share because of difference of opinion between myself and the investor. I was able to get a job later because of my education and experience.</p>
<p>Like most parents above, I don’t try to control who my adult children date. The best way to cement a son or daughter’s romantic relationship is to show that you dissaprove!</p>
<p>I would not try to control who my daughter dates, but on the top of my wish list for a future husband would be that he is a kind person who is good to her, a decent human being. I hope she finds someone responsible and reliable, someone who contributes to their household with his actions and with his income. (If at some point in their lives he stayed home with their children, that would be fine with us.)</p>
<p>His degree doesn’t make the high priority part of the list of things I’d be hoping for. It is on there, but down much lower, around the level of “it would be nice if he liked fishing.” (The men in our family like to fish together.)</p>
<p>And oh, ok, I admit it: it would be nice if he were tall - or at least not more than a couple of inches shorter than she is. :)</p>
<p>Re: the title, I don’t make those decisions for my adult college-aged daughter. Period. I have my likes and don’t likes. But I certainly don’t dictate who she can and cannot date.</p>
<p>It was not my impression that the OP didn’t support the girlfriend’s plan to stay in school. It seems that her family doesn’t support HIS plan to drop out and pursue a business opportunity.</p>
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<p>WOW. If my parent tried these bullying tactics with me, the only thing to come of it would be a severe breach in our relationship, resulting in my spending a whole lot more time with my SO and his family and VERY little with my own. YMMV.</p>
<p>Just to show how ignorant some people can be WITH a college education: Just because someone drops out of (or doesn’t attend) college does not make them “a plumber, electrican or a carpenter.” Not, to quote Seinfeld that there is anything wrong with the above professions. We need carpenters, electricians and plumbers. If you drive up and down the streets where we live MANY people don’t have a college education. And a tear down starts (yes in this market) at 2.5 (that’s millions).</p>
<p>And my dropout son is doing very nicely thank you.</p>
<p>This is my parenting philosophy, too. Would I be even silently worried about the proposed scenario? No. I’m assuming your business isn’t anything illegal or immoral? If not, I would wish you all the luck in the world. But what is the worst that could happen? You end up going back to college in a few years? You are 21 or 22? You have plenty of time for school if this doesn’t work out for you. Where is the problem? And like Ellebud, I don’t think one has to have a degree to be educated or successful. I stopped counting when I ran out of fingers, but know quite a few individuals who went back to undergraduate or graduate studies after they made their fortunes and were ready for a different kind of experience. They never “needed” a degree.</p>
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<p>About the young woman. Ivy league young women I know, from cultural backgrounds where the expectation is that parents know and approve all possible suitors in advance, give information to their parents on a need to know basis. So I am really wondering if you need to be concerned about her father’s reaction to your plans or her reaction. I can’t tell how important she is to you. You say she’s not your girlfriend. If you aren’t already imagining this as a possible life partnership, I would just let the relationship end. If you are still interested, I would keep in touch fairly regularly (not daily please!) and send a very small flower arrangement for special occasions… just the absolute minimum necessary to let her know you are still interested if she changes her mind. Let her know you are available any time to meet and spend time with her parents. Depending on how smitten you are, I might suggest you contact the parents themselves and make your “intentions” known. In my experience that has had success.</p>
<p>Good luck! I think you are right not to post any more details.</p>
<p>I have lived in areas where the carpenters, electricians and plumbers tended to have more expensive homes, cars, and send their children to more expensive schools than many of the local PhDs. And then those kids with the fancy degrees sometimes go into the family business.</p>
<p>To me, with the parent involvement or not, it seems so soon into the relationship to even be worried about this sort of thing. They are simply dating (two months) and are still in college. Do all college kids wonder if their current sweetie is gonna be a life partner? Whatever happened to just dating and enjoying it? If the relationship turns long term, then that is a time to ponder one’s expectations for the life partner and these sorts of issues. </p>
<p>Not that I would get involved in my own D’s relationships, I honestly do not even ponder if current BF is gonna be lifetime mate. I just think the odds are at age 21, that he likely won’t be (he’s nice though!).</p>
<p>^^ This has been a constant question in my household! LOL It has been interesting to me that my kids and their friends don’t seem to be into casual dating in the same way my friends and I were… I wonder if anyone else has the same experience?</p>
<p>I don’t so much mean casual dating. My D who is 21 has a BF and has had several year long relationships prior to this. I don’t think it is entirely “casual” but by the same token, I don’t think she is contemplating if this is a life partner at the moment. There is a commitment to the relationships she has been in but she is not thinking about marriage right now.</p>
<p>What I mean by “not casual” is that they are committed to only seeing one another and spend many nights together, not simply a weekly date. But I think it is considered “for now”.</p>
<p>Of course, any relationship “for now” could turn into something forever, and one never knows. But I don’t think that is on the mind right now.</p>
<p>If I, for whatever reason, had ceased contact with a man, and he, becasue he was “so smitten with me,” proceeded to contact my parents, I would be really creeped out. Of course, my parents would never have contacted a guy I dated only twice for any reason and they never interfered in any way in my personal relationships.</p>