<p>Hello, this is my first time posting my essay to others...
I have a SAT coming up, and I really wanted to get a feedback from others.
Also, I really want to know general grade of my essay.
So please help me out.. thank you very much, everyone ^^</p>
<p>Question: Is conscience a more powerful motivator than money, fame, or power?</p>
<p>People easily get hurt by money, fame, or power. As their importance increased within the society, so did the conflicts between people. Many people today have become insatiable, wanting more and more beside the comforts they already have. There were truly altruistic people like Nightingale who sacrificed herself purely to help others. However the history provides a big counterexample showing that power is all that matters. Thus, conscience isn't the most powerful motivators among the people.
Nightingale was born in a wealthy family. When she decided to go to the war frontier to help, her families couldn't understand why she was risking herself to help. The facts that she wasn't getting paid and that her altruistic behaviors weren't know till later show that she wasn't helping with alternative motivations. Grown up in a wealthy family, the belief of helping others is right, was the only motivator for her. People like her truly make others realize that conscience is more powerful than any other factors. But if that was true, there wouldn't have been any jails or laws in the world today. If everyone acted based on what is right and wrong without desires for money or power, there wouldn't be murders or thefts. But our current society tells us that that's not the case. This is strongly backed up by what the Great Britain had done to Africans in the past.
No one would be able to argue against the fact that slavery started by desires for power. The vast amount of lands and naive Africans weren't something the Great Britain could ignore. Thus with desire for land expansion and control over people, there started the whole slave trade. With the impact that it had brought us, it's hard to say that a conscience could be powerful than power. Exploiting humans and lands was obviously a wrongful act, which the Great Britain still decided to do.
Desiring for better is not a bad thing. One has right to want for improvements of any kind. It's just that cases like slavery tell that more people are motivated by factors other than pure altruism. Also that's probably why truly altruistic people of the past are greatly esteemed by others.</p>
<p>Once again thank you very much for your help. :)</p>