<p>I agree with doubleplay. Obsessing won't make the roommate more considerate. Shrugging shoulders and saying "oh well" stands us in good stead when we're dealing with others. Everyone can be annoying and has habits that grate. Some people are more into saying sorry than others. I also like to hear it but have learned that I can't mandate it.</p>
<p>I agree there are multiple warning signs, that in and of themselves are small. But I think they are patches that together make up a quilt. A big red one. </p>
<p>I agree that RM will need to change or something will happen. I don't think there is anything that OP or D can or should do at this point. The RM just has to experience life, learn to get along and share, learn how to maintain boundaries, etc. etc. etc. RM will adjust, go to mandatory meetings, go to class, study, do the work. Or suffer the consequences. If RM's behavior affects the D's ability to study, get a nights sleep, or if she starts taking "items" that are not community property, the D will go through the RA and proper channels. D has to learn how to adapt. RM has to learn how to mature.</p>
<p>I really would not want to know what people might say about ZG's Disney Princess towels. (Which are large and were on sale for $5)</p>
<p>My daughter has a Disney Pooh character fleece throw and a similar decorative pillow (with a little pocket that one of the characters which is attached to the pillow by a string) goes into. She has a few other Pooh items too, like a mug. Her friends gave her these things because she likes Pooh!</p>
<p>My D is bring a few "toys" some wind up tiny ones, a football, some dice, a troll doll</p>
<p>Its nto about one thing, it is the package of stuff that OPs D is dealing with</p>
<p>If ZG has pretty towels, yeah, my friends 18 yo son wants batman sheets...again the point is not one thing, its the combination of things that add up to more then the parts</p>
<p>"My daughter has a Disney Pooh character fleece throw and a similar decorative pillow (with a little pocket that one of the characters which is attached to the pillow by a string) goes into. She has a few other Pooh items too, like a mug. Her friends gave her these things because she likes Pooh!"</p>
<p>Ahhhh! ZG loves Pooh and only has the princesses because they were on sale. ZG is bringing light-up Pooh pens.</p>
<p>I checked the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual- standard reference text used to diagnose a psychiatric disorder) and it says that the combination of too much snack foods, inappropriate bed linens, excessive telephone usage, and using a microwave and taking juice without permission is a clear sign of serious mental illness. The OP's daughter needs to request a room change immediately, or transfer to another college, before she becomes unable to extricate herself from this situation.</p>
<p>Citygirlsmom- sometimes "intuition" is a defense mechanism we employ around people who are different. Until the roommate actually does something evil or sick (vs. something ill-mannered or just irritating) it would be hard to justify getting all defensive and assuming the worst. Maybe next time it will be one of OUR kids behaving inappropriately (gosh, wouldn't that be a surprise... a college kid showing poor judgement or behaving without thinking through the consequences!) and it will be our turn to pretend we didn't notice the behavior so as not to inflame an already tense situation.</p>
<p>When did these threads turn so mean so quickly???</p>
<p>I was tempted to chime in early in this thread, but the tone was pretty darn ugly. Just peeked back and want to remind posters that parents come here for constructive advice/criticsm and there is no need to rip them to shreds! I will be cautious about posting anything in the future. To quote someone, who doesn't deserve to be quoted: "Can't we all just get along?"</p>
<p>blossom-
Say whaaaat? The DSM doesn't cluster these combination of symptoms . I assume you are speaking rather tongue in cheek; yanking someone's chain a bit here.</p>
<p>CHANGE ROOMS IMMEDIATELY. That is my advice. My D's freshman year was made miserable by similar girl, h.s. boyfriend, extreme religious views, judgemental attitude etc. Save her a semester by calling housing and pushing it. Be her advocate. You pay too much in tuition and housing to not be in a liveable situation. I waited a semester and she really suffered. Her roommate NEVER left the room so never a moment of privacy.</p>
<p>It's not the OP that's getting ripped to shreds- it's the OP's dau's roommate. Or, does by not chiming in and ripping the roommate to shreds, that means we're ripping the OP to shreds? I'm soooooo confused now.</p>
<p>Actually, I think people have been very gracious and complimentary toward the OP's daughter, who has done an amazing job in her own life so far.</p>
<p>no intuition is something that is used to protect oneself</p>
<p>ever dated a guy, and you just "felt" something was wrong? ever told your D to trust what she is feeling and not ignore the signs?</p>
<p>too often we tell our children to ignore what they sense is wrong and suddenly it blows up and its, well, I Knew something wasn't right</p>
<p>fine, call me a flamer or whatever, but if more people trusted themselves to look at a situation and pay attention, we would be better off</p>
<p>I am NOT saying get all paranoid, or run off and do something rash or report anyone, I am saying, be prepared, because in a sitatution like this, with the RM already being kind of rude, it can get very uncomfortable if the OPs D isn't ready to deal</p>
<p>It may be just fine and dandy, but my instincts and experience tells me that the Rm has a lot of growing up to do</p>
<p>My oldest D had a friend who was slipping and slidng slowing down hill, she talked to be about it, we talked about what to look for, and that it was okay to talk to someone about her concerns</p>
<p>I am not diagnosing anything, never did, however, I am saying that the warning signs are there that the RM will not do well in college and can in fact, unless her attitude changes a huge amount, can make life uncomfortable for OPs D because the RM jsut doesn't seem to care much about how others feel, and that is a warning to trust your gut if you thnk something is wrong</p>
<p>even here we are disparaging instinct and intuition, more girls need to learn to listen to those voices more,not less</p>
<p>Different, please, I live in SF, a bastion of different</p>
<p>CGM, I agree. Girls and women especially need to listen to their intuition.</p>
<p>I can't wait to see what happens with this situation. OP, please let us know.</p>
<p>I took Snoopy towels and paraphernalia to college. My mom got me a Snoopy alarm clock and when she was paying for it, the clerk said, "Oh, you must be XXX's mom!" I still have the clock and use those towels.</p>
<p>I never have understood roommates coordinating linens, anyway. I wanted to have my own stuff and my own personality showing through in the half of a 10x12 closet I now called home.</p>
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<blockquote> <p>DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual- standard reference text used to diagnose a psychiatric disorder) and it says that the combination of too much snack foods, inappropriate bed linens, excessive telephone usage, and using a microwave and taking juice without permission is a clear sign of serious mental illness.>></p> </blockquote>
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<p>Oh that made me chuckle. I think these students need to work this out themselves without the parents (either parent). I stand by my original suggestion. IF (this is the important part) the OPs DD is bothered by anything with her roommate, she should discuss it with the RA...and at least air it out. After doing so, it may become clearer to the daughter whether these are issues to deal with or if she needs to seek a room change.</p>
<p>All of the advice here regarding the roommate should be prefaced (expressly or implicitly) with "assuming that the OP is painting the full and complete picture."</p>
<p>Giving advice to the OP, however, is not "ripping her to shreds" just because the advice isn't what she was hoping to hear and if it is directed to her and not to the D or D's RM. After all, the only thing we DO know for sure from this thread is what the OP's perception is and what sorts of things trip her alarms. We can speak to her distress (which I consider to be real) far better than we can sort out a roommate conflict (which OP considers to be real).</p>
<p>If there was a way to bet on this, my money would be on the two students becoming good friends because they have something to offer to each other with their differing personalities. I assume they will both find ways to be successful in college in their own ways and they will open up each others' eyes to new points of view. I wish them both luck and success...and I hope the OP can find a way to get to that same place.</p>
<p>Seems to me the OP has doen the smart thing by leaving this thread 2 days ago. This has gotten ridiculous. Personally, again assuming what is said is generally accurate (and we have no reason to doubt) I suspect these 2 roomies will be like ships that pass in the night, with different circles of friends. I had an inconsiderate roommate my fresh. yr of college (she used to have her boyfriends sleep in our not-so-big room all the time. Yuk.) We had nothing in common and went our own ways both during freshman yr and after.</p>
<p>MOTHERDEAR - sure was Isabel !! Evacuation time - 5 days!!</p>
<p>We did Hurricane Fran on move in day too LOL - and you know where that was LOL :)</p>
<p>Actually not that I think of it - I did collect several phone numbers over the years - of kiddo's college buds/roomies/b/f's - kinda just happened - but really only utilized them on rare occassions - like making plans - surprise b'day party - delivery of a surprise or something like that - but it was rare at best.</p>
<p>Doubleplay: I meant ripping the OP not her D.</p>