You people are Insane.

[SlitheyTove]

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The thing that would scare me most is if my parents called me an “S2” in forum posts or used two-letter acronyms to refer to our relatives.

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<p>I’m curious why this is so scary to the poster. Most people see it as convenient shorthand that helps preserve a bit of anonymity. Real names are out, cutesy nicknames don’t work all the time (and can also reduce anonymity, especially if they end up being used on other non-CC forum sites), and writing out “my 17 year old younger son” or whatever gets tedious. Except for bloggers who are using their real name, it’s a pretty standard internet convention. It is easy for me to just refer to my mom and dad, since there’s only one of each.</p>

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No matter what you think, or how you say it to the student, it will always be taken as forcefully. When mom comes home and over dinner asks Sarah if she has looked into University A, that is not interpreted as “oh mom must think this is good, maybe I should look into it” Instead its usually interpreted as “Mom must want me to go here, what do I do”. All it does is create stress and a state of despair for that student, they always feel as if they cant live up to mom or dad. Theirs a better way to go about this, and this is by example.

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<p>By example meaning that the parent should go to University A? I know a lot of kids who don’t want to go to a school precisely BECAUSE their parents went there, so even this way of “setting an example” doesn’t work. </p>

<p>OK, let me be a little less facetious. I’ve watched friends over the past decade as their children have gone through the college admissions process. The one thing I kept hearing, time and time again, is that this is NOT the college admissions process that we parents remember from our callow youth. The level of gamesmanship has ratcheted up, and not just at the most selective schools. The entire picture of aid, both need-based and merit-based, has totally changed, along with all the different ways to finance an education. I couldn’t possibly “set an example” by using my experience of 30 years ago; it would be a massive disservice to my children (and to our family finances) to not educate myself about how the process works now. </p>

<p>Let’s talk about the “have you researched University A?” business. Yes, there are parents and students here who are fixated on tippy-top schools. Many, many other parents here have learned from reading CC that there are a lot of really wonderful places that would be great for their kids, and which their kids might not have heard of. For that matter, their peers and counselors might not have heard of them! Yes, it would be great if my kids were to go out and dig for every hidden gem of a school on their own. Reality: they won’t. There’s no peer pressure to do so, there’s no school pressure to do so, and they certainly wouldn’t know on their own that they could do so. Parental suggestions, on the other hand, can be a way to widen the kid’s horizons.</p>