<p>Good post, blueiguana. You wrote what I was too angry to articulate.</p>
<p>I think we’re seeing cultural differences at work here.</p>
<p>It seems evident to me that the OP and his parents did not realize that special education in the United States is not only for students who are obviously and severely disabled. </p>
<p>The OP and his brother probably never knew that a substantial number of their classmates – most of whom did not seem to be particularly unusual – were in fact special education students, who were receiving special services but were not singled out or excluded from the mainstream student population.</p>
<p>In effect, mainstreaming may have worked too well in the environment in which the OP and his brother went to school. The family seemed to be aware of only one kind of special ed student – the kind whose needs are so very different from those of the general population that it makes sense to put them in self-contained special education classes. Some (but not all) students in this subgroup of the special ed population do look and act different from other kids their age. </p>
<p>What I think the family did not realize is that there is also another, much larger population of special ed students who are mostly mainstreamed and who look and act “normal.” </p>
<p>I don’t think we should blame the parents – or especially the OP, who is not responsible for his brother – for not understanding this. In my opinion, the fault lies with the school system, which evidently did not realize that there was a communications problem, and that misunderstandings were preventing the OP’s brother from getting services that could have helped him succeed in school.</p>
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<p>This may seem ludicrous to most of the people posting on this thread, but perhaps it did not seem ludicrous to the OP and his family. In fact, they may have assumed that these were the only options, and they may have felt (probably justifiably) that the OP’s brother was not the sort of student who belonged in a self-contained special education classroom.</p>
<p>I agree Marian. I also think that this varies a lot by school system and even state law. It is easier in some states for parents to stop special ed services and there are school systems that are more likely to push to provide services while other school systems are overwhelmed by the needs they have. I have a relative who fell through the cracks like this. That said, these parents have apparently spent thousands of dollars on tutors and such. I wonder if-- like other immigrant families I’ve met-- they don’t realize just how low ‘basic’ education is here; in other words, that earning a high school diploma does not imply being ready to pursue a 4-year degree. </p>
<p>I think that getting this young man up to speed on basic skills and into a skilled work environment is the next step. That way, college could be an option if he suddenly develops an interest in something or finds that his next career step requires it.</p>
<p>I think the original poster should see a counselor who is sensitive to cultural issues and issues pertaining to kids of parents who do not speak English well and are newish to the US, while the kids themselves are trying to assimilate.</p>
<p>In whatever twisted way, the original poster is left in a position of feeling responsible for her brother, which is most likely due to her parents’ inability to negotiate the system.</p>
<p>And clearly the brother needs some evaluation, accommodations and support from outside the family. If the family keeps his issues a secret in the house, the next step, out of high school, will probably be difficult for everyone. There are resources available that would help the brother and also relieve the “OP” of responsibility.</p>
<p>The description of kids in special ed was incredibly offensive. Unbelievable.</p>
<p>" Despite his strength, he lacks ideal size for playing football at the Division I level. He started to look at Division II and Division III schools, but the thing is that they rarely hand out athletic scholarships and almost all of them are private schools."</p>
<p>How much does he weigh, and what position? (If a lot, but not enough, and a lineman, it might be easier to bulk up than to add GPA points, and worth a lot more too.)</p>
<p>Many of the recent posts by blueiguana, nymomof2, etc. are on the mark. I was very tempted to assume that this was either a ■■■■■ or written by someone with a severe lack of empathy. To be fair to the OP, you are young and ultimately not your “brother’s keeper”–though I applaud you for trying. As a parent of two children with learning disabilities, I know how hard it is to advocate for them. FWIW, few outsiders would know that they aren’t typical learners. I have a stack of books 4 feet high that I’ve read in an attempt shepherd them through school. </p>
<p>It sounds to me that your brother has one or more undiagnosed learning disabilities (trust me, they often come in clumps). Kudos to him for keeping his head above water (though it doesn’t seem that way to you). Kids with undiagnosed issues like this are far more likely to turn to risky behavior like drugs, alcohol, crime and violence. It must be tough for him with “perfect” older siblings and others reminding him of his failures. To see what it’s like for him, read the book “You Mean I’m Not Lazy Stupid or Crazy?” Read the bios of people like Richard Branson or Charles Schwab to see what can happen when someone manages to break free of the traditional school system.</p>
<p>I will assume that your parents didn’t know better when they did not seek help for him when originally offered the opportunity. The school could only push so much and if parents do not authorize an IEP or a 504 plan, there’s little a school can do. He also needs to come to grips with what having an LD means. My oldest D struggled through high-school until being diagnosed. She’s very popular and bright, but needs extra time on standardized tests. Some of her friends need it too. </p>
<p>It is not too late to get this kid an evaluation. If he’s still in school, there might be an opportunity within his school district. That will at least tell you what his strengths and weaknesses are. He may have great visual-spatial skills, for example (but that doesn’t help when writing essays). There are many junior colleges and CC that have decent sports teams that will allow him to continue to enjoy the sport. I’m afraid the attitude of others around him have contaminated his thinking about what CC means. Nowadays, it’s where budget minded students take care of required courses before transferring to a 4 year school. I don’t know what kind of school district you live in but it sounds as if there’s not a lot of diversity (“all the children are above average” to quote Garrison Keillier)</p>
<p>FWIW, I know many people who struggled through school only to find success out in the working world. That being said, even factory jobs nowadays require a surprising amount of education to operate robotics and sophisticated computer technology. </p>
<p>Many kids are not test-takers. The SAT is not for everyone. There are now Test-optional schools, but I think his GPA is not going to help him. Clearly he’s not ready for a 4-year school. He bears a lot of responsibility for thinking it will all just work out magically–but some of that might be a self-defense mechanism. If you can get him evaluated, then you’ll know what you’re dealing with. When my D looked like she wasn’t going to pull it together, we considered “academic gap year” programs and also “post-high school” prep schools. With his football skills he might be able to spend an extra year at a boarding school and get his act together. But he has to be on-board. EVERYONE in your family needs to change their attitudes about learning disabilities.</p>
<p>This is clearly costing you a lot of anxiety and stress. I find that the best way to deal with stress is to educate myself. You can open some doors for your brother, but you can’t make him walk through. Try picking up that book I mentioned or one ADHD by Ned Hallowell. Oh and one more thing…I earned under 300 on the SAT math section many years ago–my first job post college was working for an international bank in the accounting dept.!</p>
<p>This is too sad. It would be wise take advantage of the services that the school offers, get an updated battery of testing done to determine what the student’s strengths/difficulties are, and make future plans based on a realistic assessment. Anger towards the younger brother will just drive him away further. OP: In case you didn’t realize, the term “■■■■■■■■” is offensive.</p>
<p>The OP is the student’s sibling, not the parent or the student himself.</p>
<p>What, if anything, can the OP do to advocate for the student in terms of getting evaluated and getting whatever services might still be available? Would the school system even be allowed to have a conversation with a student’s older sibling about his needs, or can they only talk to the parent or guardian?</p>
<p>What specific course of action would you advise the OP to take now, in terms of dealing with the school? Are there things the OP can do, or is it a matter of trying to persuade the parents or student to do certain things?</p>
<p>If you judge a fish by it’s ability to climb a tree, you will think it is pretty stupid.</p>
<p>I am sure your brother has his place. He does not have to be a clone in your family. 900 sounds like a purposeful low score actually. I think it would be hard to get a number that low. </p>
<p>If he does not want to continue in school, then let it go. Support him in the direction he does want to take. He does not need to go through life with only one direction hanging over his head, feeling like if he even tries another route, he will implode or something. It is OK to be different and chose a different path in life.</p>
<p>It is entirely possible for people to put a life together without college. It’s alittle late to fix high school by getting a diagnosis of a learning disability but if your brother were open to it, to learn more about himself than that might be a good thing. However, to attribute life success solely to higher education is also a mistake. Your brother can find a job and might actually stumble on a career after high school. He’s telling you he wants to ‘get out there’ so perhaps the best thing is to let him find his way unencumbered by his family expectations.</p>
<p>Under the federal guidelines, a student can request evaluation for special education services, so that the IEP and/ or 504 process can take place.</p>
<p>I think the OP should see a counselor, as I said before, to discuss the difficult position of a kid with a sibling with some special needs, whose parents do not speak English well and cannot advocate for the sibling or negotiate the system.</p>
<p>Many of us know that for budgetary and administrative reasons, schools will often do the minimum required for a student with special needs, and if parents have not advocated, that means little will be done, period.</p>
<p>In our area, there are free educational advocates through the Federation for Children with Special Needs. These advocates have been trained and are apprentices. I would give a call to an organization such as this.</p>
<p>The problem is, the OP is not the person who should have to do this, but there is noone else, either. Social work could become involved, perhaps, if the OP seeks help for him or herself.</p>
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<p>The school has an obligation to identify and test for special needs and the special ed department should be used to dealing with communication problems. It is likely that this family repeatedly refused the testing that is being urged in many posts. The OP’s perspective on special ed, which seems a bit too extreme to be true in this day and age, had to start at home. I don’t think these posts will change that outlook. </p>
<p>And if that’s not true, if the school district is that incompetent, the school will be VERY reluctant to identify the brother as a special needs student at this late date because they would be on the hook for thousands of dollars in compensatory ed to make up for his missed identification and the extra education he will need to be caught up, which is the district’s responsibility, until he is 21.</p>
<p>If this is not ■■■■■■■■, the OP needs to have an honest conversation with his brother about where he wants to be in a year, 5 years, 10 years and go from there. If he does want to continue in school, he will need help to succeed. He will have to ask for and accept help, which I would start with a private evaluation. If the evaluation shows your brother has special needs and your family has not repeatedly refused services, I would suggest bringing the evaluation results to a lawyer who specializes in education law.</p>
<p>There are several things in first few of the OP’s posts that don’t hang together in a believable way for me. I could be wrong, but its not passing the smell test.</p>
<p>As an aside, the terms of service say that a poster must get permission to use a second screenname. IMO the use of a second SN by a “new” poster for purposes of “anonymity” is getting extremely overused, and detracts from the believability of threads such as this.</p>
<p>Again, JMO, FWIW.</p>
<p>From his prior posts, it appears clear OP is not a ■■■■■ and is probably home for Thanksgiving and dealing with this on his break. OP, what does your brother like to do other than football? An educational/vocational evaluation would be very useful as he plans his future. Because he has to pass all his classes to graduate and has a questionable history of doing that, he is probably on the school’s radar already. At my kids’ high school, college counseling definitely took a back seat compared to counseling the kids who were in danger of not graduating (two counselors for that and only one part-timer for college bound). Can your brother get in to see someone like that and get the ball rolling?<br>
I think the idea for him to get a part-time job now that football is over is a good one if he can arrange reliable transportation or find one within walking/biking distance of school or home. That first job is often a real awakening to responsibility. Maybe one of the football boosters needs someone to stock shelves or something…</p>
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He sent me a text saying, “f#$k community college i want to get out of here and live on my own and get in trouble and party i told them that”."</p>
<p>Yeah- ok. You guys have ignored this issue long enough. Even if he didnt get a 900 on his SAT retake he wasnt going to college. A 1.3GPA doesnt just happen by surprise. </p>
<p>It sounds to me like he is just like a dozen of guys I grew up with. He will do EXACTLY what he said- move in with a bunch of losers like himself and basically spent the next 10 years carousing, drinking and doing drugs, getting fired from manual labor jobs, fighting, getting in trouble with the law and making women miserable. All the time he will think its “unfair” that he cant get ahead and the world is against him. </p>
<p>You owe it to him and the world (and the illegitimate kids he will have with cocktail waitresses) to intervene now. Get your parents and uncles together now and have an intervention. Get in touch with a military recruiter in advance and find out what the next steps are, because you want to get him coming out of the meeting agreeing to enlistment. </p>
<p>Because the next step here is the military. They have a system and have spent the last 100 years perfecting its ability to take strong but clueless 18 yo’s and get them to be productive members of an organization. And that is probably the best possible outcome at this point. I’d imagine that after 4 years of essentially failing for 7 hours a day at academics in high school his self confidence is shot and he is pretty resentful. The military will show him there is a lot he can accomplish and in the worse case he is likely to come out better able to handle more education. </p>
<p>And career military could be a very viable path for him. Its a lot better than roofer with a lot of sh#*ty tattoos who shares an apartment with 4 guys.</p>
<p>Posters - please go look at some of the other posts by OP. He has a very serious disconnect with priorities and social abilities. Like posting “why should I say Hi to people when they walk by” “or my roommate lied to me about a party so I can never trust him again” - really.</p>
<p>So some of this may be true, some of it may be way overdramatized.</p>
<p>Help him if you want, but anything constructive will be an uphill battle</p>
<p>I see parents unwilling to believe their kid has a learning disability at the K-1st level. It saddens me that these kids can’t get the help they need because one or both parents refuse to believe their kid isn’t “normal”. I find it just as sad to see extremely bright kids bored out of their skulls because lowering the bar has become endemic in public schools.</p>
<p>Thanks for the replies everyone. Honestly, didn’t think I would get this many replies. And many of guys have hit it on the nail to be honest. I haven’t really thought about it (some of the suggestions or what my brother might be going through mentally inside), but it makes total sense.</p>
<p>I think he would honestly pass the test to join the military (maybe, not Air Force, but definitely Army) unless I’m highly underrating this test. My intuition (correct me if I’m wrong) tells me they would normalize the exam so that even someone with below average IQ could pass it. He’s always expressed interest in joining the military (this isn’t just a last ditch attempt at making something out of his life). Stereotypical… jacked and athletic high school athlete who did poorly in school (no offense). </p>
<p>I just feel like hands-on jobs (many of which are in the military) where he could apply himself would be better for him. For a example like an auto mechanic, obviously you’ll need to read instructions and learn how to fix cars or change things on a car, but the act of physically doing it and applying what he reads ("Oh, so that’s how it works) – I think he could furnish in that type of work. </p>
<p>If it’s any consolation, there are state wide exams (totally separate from the school, but mirrors the curriculum taught at school for that year) which he has to pass every year. So far out of the 25+ exams he’s taken from the past 5-6 years, I think he’s only failed 2-3 of them (which is pretty good for him). What does this make him? I’m still trying to diagnosis what level of learning disabilities he’s at. Also, in his early years of high school, teachers told me he would routinely not turn in homework and sometimes didn’t even turn in projects, so this might be attributed to low grades, and not just simply his lack of understanding the material. I’m guessing he could have at least pulled a 70 average had he done this… and just tried a bit.</p>
<p>Once again, he’s not a high functioning kid with down syndrome or any other mental illness. He simply has learning disabilities. Now, a little bit of what he does do well… He has no real behavior issues. He’s been described as very nice among his peers. He routinely makes me food and is always asking me if I need anything (like when he goes to the mall, you want me to get you anything?). He has a good relationship with my two sisters (apart from the usual sibling bickering haha). </p>
<p>I’m going to email the guidance counselor to see if he’s ever taken any assessment to diagnose his learning difficulties or to see if he has some sort of attention deficit disorder.</p>
<p>Answering some questions…</p>
<p>No, he can’t get a job. School is too much of a responsibility for him right now. He gets tutored like 2 hrs a day 3-4 times a week. Getting a job would be too taxing for him.</p>
<p>He doesn’t have any real interest, a couple of hobbies here and there. Heck, I don’t even have a “real” interest in any particular subject in school where I’m drooling. I mean, a couple classes here and there where I really think its interesting and enjoy it, but it doesn’t mean I’m just going to dive in and make a career out of it. He obviously enjoys sports and working out. He wanted to compete in a bodybuilding competition (but that’s more of a side hobby for fun than an actual career). Personal trainer maybe? But that’s hardly a viable long term career plan.</p>