<p>^ I don't like using people as a means to an end. Just not my nature. Not trying to make excuses or anything. I'd rather meet people I could actually connect with and relate to. And I have no interest in being popular either.</p>
<p>And that is the problem. It's honest, but you'll meet less people if you only make an effort to be social with people you find interesting.</p>
<p>shy = good! come on cheer up!</p>
<p>I wonder how people would react if I came up to them and said something like "hey guys, I don't know any of you nor hardly anyone at this school, and I'm looking for some new people to hang out with and see if we connect so that we could have a stronger friendship." Wonder how they will react to that, eh?</p>
<p>hm. no thats not good. i never thought of this being complicated, i just go whatsup man, or how you doing/</p>
<p>i don't know, i don't like practice or anything to talk to people- i just go and hang with people and stuff. its easy, ill talk to anyone.</p>
<p>I was joking about that, lol. Still funny to think about though.</p>
<p>My roommates and their friends are outside doing a little social bonding. I said hey and all but really not sure what else to say so just sort of wondered off to do what I was originally what I was going to do. So yeah everyone has kind of formed their own social cliques at this point and I just don't want to bother having to try and join one. I don't have anything in common with hardly anyone anyway.</p>
<p>Actually I have been saying what adconard joked about to people on my floor b/c I was a dumbass (kind of) and worked my ass off for the first 2 weeks I was at school (before my classes started) and missed all of my floor events. As a conquence I know pretty much no one. So whenever I meet a new person I usually do it through a good friend of mine I met last year or just start talking to someone.</p>
<p>Btw adconard when I said "use them", I don't mean use them. See you don't need to take everything literally. Also I wasn't saying you "have to be popular". I was just saying that's what happened to me. For you it would give you a chance to meet a lot of people and pick through them til you found one who was interesting. Also outgoing people love helping others to become a bit more social like themselves. It's in our nature. So don't put words in my mouth b/c that was a stupid way to take that comment. It's like jumbling up words so you can say "well that's stupid anyway I don't want to do that". Just making excuses won't help you at all. Sour grapes don't work in the real world for others or yourself.</p>
<p>Reality check: I know this is the last thing you want but who the hell cares. If you don't want to make friends or even try then why bother (dont say you're trying, because judging by your comments your not or you're trying and when no immediate results happen you just sit back and go "well I tried with no follow through"). If you act the way you type here in real life, you probably just frustrate and annoy people anyways because negative attitudes are irritating. (I have enough stuff to deal with why should I add someone else's negativity to make me feel down.)</p>
<p>If you don't like it then try to change. Don't come here for advice and then just say, "Well I'm a loner I can't do that." or "I don't work that way" or "Too late" b/c those are all stupid excuses if you really want to change. Your true responses are probably more like, "Go walk to other rooms. Leave my computer? That's stupid I give up. I'm waiting for people to come to me." or "Everybody thinks I'm weird enough. No need to start asking for it." or " I tried that. He/she didn't instantly befriend me. He/she must have thought I was weird or doesn't want to talk to me. I give up. Back to square one." Well do you want a way to socialize with people that doesn't involve actually talking or interacting with real people. Here's one. Staying on the internet all day. Because that's probably what you do.</p>
<p>You only make yourself look like an ass if you think you do. You only don't have stuff in common with people when you don't even try to see what they like. Are you inferring? This isn't symbolism from a complicated novel; it simple social interactions. Most normal people are willing to open up to others. How do you know you have no interests in common with anyone? Also why don't you try to make some of their interests yours? You might like them.</p>
<p>Also about your constant self-loathing and pity: Turn that selfish attitude on yourself into a positive one. It is possible but will take work. I gave plenty of awesome confidence tips on the last forum. Try one. Your problem is not shyness (shy people can have a lot of friends) it is confidence. There is a difference between being shy and being anti-social. Sorry if I'm a bit harsh but I seriously couldn't hold back anymore. Hopefully you don't take all of this the wrong way.</p>
<p>Alright IlliniJBravoEcho,</p>
<p>You know what, you got a point. I just need to open up more and show my true colors I suppose. Because I know I am quite beautiful inside once you get to know me.</p>
<p>One thing though, I don't have confidence issues. I have faith and assurance in myself in general. I make straight A's in school, know what kind of career I want to pursue, know my other goals and aspirations in life so far, friends and family have faith in me, know that I look good, and most of all know that I am worth it in general if that makes any sense. I guess I was just in a bad mood last night (and last week).</p>
<p>Yeah that happens I get in bad moods too. Right now I'm actually having a bit of a confidence problem (I'll get over it) everyone goes through those phases. It sucks but you seem like you have a good head on your shoulders and you'll get by. And, oddly enough, one thing I value above pretty much anything is focus in life and you seem like you have that in good suppy. Your response floored me, good going.</p>
<p>adconard, don't worry. i feel the same way too...i don't relate to 99% of the people i meet. everyone here is so laidback, but i'm not one of those types (which makes it even worse b/c ppl tend to have an aversion to ppl who are "academically intense" or w/e, which i think is simply unfair...but yeah, i have yet to find people similar to myself</p>
<p>Everyone here is like "mind your own business." If you sit down next to someone in lecture hall and say "hey, did you read the chapter?" Half the time you get disgusted stares, half the times you get one-word answers and then they ignore you.</p>
<p>ewwwwwwwwww.</p>
<p>i wish i were better looking........:(</p>
<p>good looking kids make friends wayyyyyyyy easier.......</p>
<p>adcorn............open urself up, u r good looking (at least u said u r).........everyone wants to be friends with good looking people.......</p>
<p>Untitled, it usually isn't a matter of looks when it comes to making friends.</p>
<p>Anyone who only tries to make friends with good looking people are not ever worth being friends with. Those kind of people are the kind of people you always want to stay away from your whole life if possible. Probably the most shallow and selfish kind of people you could ever meet. We all know people who go around looking for good looking people to be friends with are only their friend for the ulterior motives of presenting a fake show to everyone else around them. Sort of like "hey look everyone, I have so much little self-worth that I can appear more of a 'winner' if I have good looking people around me all the time". I can see right through those kind of people and it's quite saddening to see that. So in reality, they are, in general, much less secure and worthy of themselves than anyone else.</p>
<p>So cross off looks off of that list of requirements for making friends. It's ridiculous for anyone to not be friends with someone just because they don't seem attractive to them. That pretty much shows how much substance as an individual they have inside, which is probably not very much.</p>
<p>(By the way I am not talking about dating. That's a whole different subject here.)</p>
<p>Update: nope, still not the person I want to be.</p>
<p>I don't really have the problem all of you are having with meeting people or being social - I have a lot of acquaintances and good friends, but I still feel like something is missing - I think it's the fact that I'm not really incredibly close to anybody - I can joke around and have a good time, but if I had a serious problem, I don't know if I could just go to my friends and bother them with it - i wouldn't want to bring them down and nobody likes being around a negative person...I find myself missing my friends from HS, who I knew really well and who knew me - but I guess getting that close to ppl just takes time...another problem I have is that I feel like I have a disproportione amount of guy friends and few girl friends, so I don't feel like I really have too many female friends to bond with...anyway, thats it - not really a big problem - my biggest problem in college so far has been weight gain (which im working on) and getting my work done on time and efficiently...</p>
<p>conwoman, i agree with you, im experiencing the same thing..........lots of fun friends, not enough close friend. maybe it just takes time? people say the people you meet in college time are incredible.......i havent experienced that yet.</p>
<p>however, what i found is that..........i always let people bother me.........i NEVER turn down anyone who wants to chill in my dorm room or anything.........but i dont really dare to bother other people too much. this semester is almost over anyway. starting next semester, i'm gonna change my image again.............</p>
<p>Untitled, why not change your image now?</p>
<p>Update: I'm doing better lately.</p>
<p>I'm still really shy around girls. I'll chit chat or say high to most people I recognize, but I never make that attempt to initiate a further conversation. I am glad I now have girl friends. I just don't know how to snag a girlfriend yet. I got the TA thing down pat. All my TA's know me by name and say hi to me outside of class. SCORE!</p>
<p>I have few friends. They're fairly close ones, I guess. But I am a girl, and Idon't have a single guy friend on this campus (I'm not a freshman). I am articulate, focused, participate in activities, dress well, take care of myself and I have been told that I am very pretty, so I don't know why. I guess it has something to do with the way I must behave, and I don't know, but I'm getting older and it's all the same. I guess they might find me intimidating? I've gotten so used to it, I've practically given up. I can go weeks - no, months - without talking to a boy unless it is for club, academic, or otherwise "business" purposes. </p>
<p>I've been here so long, I'm finding it really difficult to meet new people of any gender at this stage, and I had a hard time freshman year. I would like to have more friends of both genders, but the absence of male friends is completely predominant (and somewhat upsetting at my age). I just do my (loads of) work or go out to eat or a movie with a girl friend on weekends. </p>
<p>That's about it, I guess.</p>
<p>mvr.... LOOSEN UP! seriously, go get to knoe more people. from what you say u alrdy have guy friends. just learn to take the friendship to a whole new level!</p>