Our back up plan was always Community College. We would have used a summer school session at the local CC to make up one or two failed or withdrawn classes (so as to stay on track for a 4 year graduation), and we would have used a leave of absence to come home and go to CC for a year if faced with enough failed courses to be placed on academic probation. Fortunately, despite a bumpy first semester, we didn’t have to put these back up plans into action. But it was helpful for my piece of mind to know there were options, and not by any means disastrous ones. Many kids struggle to adjust in that first year, and it sounds like you are doing the right thing sorting out first whether depression is contributing to the situation.
School ends next Wednesday and then finals. So he cannot drop anything at this point. @annana I truly believe he is flunking because he is not trying. He is only taking Gen Ed requirements at the moment. He got a B- in Gym because he didn’t go. Now all you do is show up and participate and there is no reason you cannot get an A. But the key is you have to show up. Of course when I questioned him about this his excuse was he wasn’t absent a lot. It was a 8:00am class which I told him not to take because he is not an early riser. Of course he didn’t listen to me 
Sounds like he needs his medication reassessed . If he has experienced a growth spurt , he may need them adjusted. There’s also the possibility that he has gone off his meds. Depression presents in a variety of ways. Not everyone stays in the bed and cries constantly . With young adults who are mentally ill, they will not take their meds if they have side effects that are undesirable or they don’t feel are working . That’s the challenge , finding a Dr with good assessment skills who can adjust the medication appropriately .
One more point: I was discussing this issue with a friend whose daughter had a disastrous freshman first semester. It turned out that she had been very poorly advised in her choice of fall courses and was not taking ones that suited either her interests or strengths. Over Christmas her mom offered to help with the course planning process for the second semester. They ditched the official advisor’s suggestions, studied the catalogue carefully together, and registered for some courses that seemed more likely to produce success. Second semester went much better once she got placed in courses she enjoyed and saw the purpose of taking. She is still having trouble adjusting, but choosing more appropriate courses helped. So that’s one other factor to consider in sorting out what might be contributing to the problem. Is your son unhappy with either his courses or his major?
You need to get to the root of the problem: motivation seems to be the issue as his latter high school performance seems to indicate that. But there could be several other factors playing in.
If motivation is the issue, then he is still in good standing with the college (or at least one would hope so after this term), so taking a sabbatical year off should be an option.
At that point, I would not do CC. He’ll just have the same motivation problem. Have him work full time for a year (or more?) to see what’s like. I’ve known several people who have left college, worked for a while and seen what life is like from a work-a-day world perspective. After some time working on the bottom rung for a while, they figure out that either they need to learn a trade or studying in college is worth the effort.
@carolinamom2boys When he was home during Christmas I counted them to see if he was taking them. He didn’t know I would do that but the appropriate amount was there. Of course not in front of him. He might need it adjusted though. Especially if he is occasionally drinking. Which he knows he shouldn’t do but I am not naive as I know he is in college but I keep reinforcing it to him.
@profparent I helped him with all his classes and when he came home over Christmas break we had a long talk about his major. He decided that political science wasn’t going to work so we discussed what he would like to do. So in January he went in and changed his major to Environmental Sciences. I told him as long as you pick something you are going to love to do for a long time that is all I care about.
We are going up to that area on Monday as I have an Dr. Appointment in that town so well stop and see him for lunch. I am not going to stress him out right before finals but will be giving encouraging words to make sure he studies and tries his hardest. Then when he comes home for the summer we need to really tackle this.
The funny thing is he looks so happy. He keeps telling me he loves the college, found friends, has a GF, has a part time job. Now if we can just get the grades up he would be in good shape!
Another thing I just realized. Maybe having a GF is too much. This is his first real relationship and that might be taking his time away from studying and going to classes. Just a thought.
If he has depression that can be documented, he could have registered with the disabilities office and received extra advising, and accommodations.
I would look into withdrawing for medical reasons, as others have said. Honestly, for any future college, this is a practical priority, if not the emotional priority. I know for a fact, at least at the schools we have dealt with, that students can withdraw in this manner, at this time, and get the slate wiped clean, not even a “W” on the transcript. Or, he could withdraw and get a “W” which is better than "F"s. He can either withdraw from the classes he is failing, or withdraw from the school entirely.
There is a great book entitled “The Myth of Laziness.” The way in which he played ostrich with his head in the sand over the language class makes me think there is more going on here than meets the eye, so to speak.
A kid in this situation is in trouble, and I would not make judgments about it if possible. The suggestion above to try to talk to him gently and positively, as though you are a team and can problem solve together, can help. Honey works better than vinegar, especially with parenting a kid who is struggling.
I would think he would end up on probation. I don’t think you should threaten to take him out or withdraw payment. I think instead it is just a matter of fact reality that you cannot pay. It hurts him as well. He will end up with loans to pay for a bunch of "F"s. You can offer to work together to find out what the real problem is.
I also agree that school may not be the best course for now, including community college. Getting a job can be a good way to go in this situation, or maybe some practical training at CC. There are a lot of career certificates and non-credit courses leading to some jobs.
There is plenty of time in life and many paths work out. Good luck. Many on this forum have been there.
It sounds like if he can just avoid failing classes and get his medication and depression checked, it could end up a bumpy but not disastrous first year. Some things must be going right if he is feeling happy. The reassessment of the major sounds like a good move, and who knows he may still change it again. But at least you are both thinking along those lines. And I can promise you that if my son had had an 8am gym class he’d be getting a much lower grade than yours. I can’t image that working out with a night owl schedule. And many of the general education requirements that students have to get out of the way in their first year are not an ideal way to start college. Unavoidable, but not the best introduction for a kid who has issues with maturity, motivation, or depression.
@nurse001 Christmas was 4 months ago A lot could’ve happened between now and then. As someone who has worked in psychiatry and someone who has a family member with bipolar disorder , people are very creative in ways to make it appear that they are taking their meds as prescribed . I’m glad that you are trying to stay on top of it
Post #34 says it all. Read it and be done. Nothing else to be added to blossom’s wise words.
Mention of a possible growth spurt reminded me of my nephew. He is now 6’5" and when he went through a huge growth spurt in 8th grade, it took almost a year to get his medication (for a physical issue) adjusted properly. And boys are often still growing at 18-19. So it’s possible that whatever else is going on, his growth might have affected his depression meds.
Again, OP, it’s not impossible for a person suffering from depression to have friends, fun and even enjoy themselves. It’s not always crippling in the sense that they are in bed crying. Hopefully seeing a doc and looking at his meds will reveal something helpful.
Good advice @profparent. He definitely needs to see advisor / Dean ASAP and figure out what might make sense in terms of Withdrawals for this semester. @Nurse001 you mentioned 2 Cs and 3 B- for 1st semester. So around a 2.3 GPA? Not great but not disastrous. Is he taking 5 classes again this semester? Sounds like he’s in bad shape with 3 of them (language, 2 math) - how about the other 2? How many credits does he need to be taking to be considered full time? Maybe if he can W from 1 or 2 classes this semester he could still pull a GPA that wouldn’t result in academic probation.
There are obviously larger issues that you seem well aware of. Depression / underlying reason for this drastic slide. Whether he’s at the right school, in right major, etc. A lot of kids have rough first years. Be empathetic. Ask him what he thinks the issues are and what he wants to do. Summer can give you all a chance to come up with a plan.
I wish you well. I know how hard it can be.
I know so many kids who have a tough first semester. In college, they don’t have weekly quizzes or homework assignments. Sometimes the first exam is the midterm . It is so easy to get behind. The mom of one kid was aghast when she visited DD, and some textbooks were still sealed. Time management can be a hurdle.
Good you are seeing a psychiatrist for an assessment.
Make sure the college does accept CC credits. This isn’t true for all schools.
Has your son spoken to his Dean/Adviser? I’ve found them to be extremely helpful in making accommodations, like getting Ws vs F’s.
No more advice – just good morning, and hang in there, and re-reading the thread I think you are doing a stellar job so far. It’s very frustrating and scary to have little ability to influence the course of things, but you have good instincts, clearly. Don’t lose hope. He’s gone to college, and not had complete success. There’s plenty he has done “right”, and soon you will have the chance to talk about it all. Don’t be shocked if there are more unpleasant revelations to come. Makes you yearn for the years when the biggest problems were who they played with at recess and whether the math was too hard…
Not sure how those recommending a withdrawal think he can do that with OP stating there is only a week left of classes. Most colleges I know have a cutoff date for Ws that would have been long passed by now. Unfortunately, it seems too late for that option.
Did he start attending his language class again? If he gets any F’s this semester I would not send him back in the fall without big changes over the summer. Otherwise, it will be too easy for him to fall back into his already-established pattern.
He’s right that the medication doesn’t fix everything. I believe that as long as anybody’s taking medication, they still need to consider it as an adjunct to therapy. I think it might be a good idea to find a good therapist who is on your insurance. That person doesn’t need to be a psychiatrist. For the medication part, yes you do need a psychiatrist, but they don’t need to be the ones who do the therapy. Best wishes–hope things start looking up soon!
Oftentimes a medical withdrawal is permitted even long after the withdrawal cutoff has passed. My friend’s daughter was able to withdraw from two classes at her school with only a couple weeks left in the semester because medical issues (depression in her case) were preventing her from succeeding in the classes and the classes were impacting her condition. I would imagine different schools have different requirements as to what is required. Friend’s daughter definitely needed doctor input before the medical withdrawal was approved.
Yes, my son has gotten a medical withdrawal very late in the semester. The rules for medical withdrawals are different than regular ones.
As others have said, people with mental illness can present differently than we would expect. If you met my 18-year-old daughter, you would think, “Wow, what a happy, joyful young woman.” And she is, BUT she also suffers from severe anxiety, to the point that her friend called 911 in February, while my husband and I were on vacation. I think her counselor was as surprised as we were, because she manages to cover up her true feelings so well.
@greenbutton Thank you for the kind words. Funny I was just thinking how I miss the old days in which the biggest issue I was dealing with was who took a toy from his hand while he was playing with it I also really did think once he got to college, whew things would be different as I wouldn’t have to worry as much. That was WRONG thinking on my part.
Today I woke up and realized I am not alone! Thanks everyone for your comments and suggestions. There are a lot of things to think about. First things first is the new psychiatrist appointment which is set for May 19th already. So once I get him reevaluated then we can go from there and make any decision/discussions. Since school ends Monday it is too late for withdrawal. I also don’t want to stress him out with finals around the corner but I did send him a text message this am telling him how I hope he is going to study around the clock for those finals. As I know he can do it and we are confidence in him. Hopefully that will give him a boost that he desperately needs.